What Does a Narcissist Really Want

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Written by

I'm a published Author, a mom with ADHD, raising an Autistic Son in Kansas

11 months ago

Topics: Life, Experiences, Thoughts, Personal, Reality, ...

Chances are you probably already know that a narcissist can be charming and focused on you at first, but sooner or later, the person you thought they were, turns bitter and demanding. And if you've found yourself in a relationship with a narcissist then those changes probably have you confused and wondering what happened.

Unfortunately, the word narcissist also gets more recognition that doesn't always relate to some people. When we talk about being a narcissist, we are referring to someone who often has a grandiose sense of self-importance with the belief that they are special and are entitled to everything that they should have and will let no one stop them from their goal. Narcissists will also have an excessive need for admiration and rarely feel sympathy for others.

So what exactly does a narcissist want?

Narcissists want to be able to feed their need for their ego no matter what it takes to get them stoked. The person who is often the victim of their need must give them the admiration they desire by showering them with compliments and making them feel important whether it's about how perfectly they do their job or how good they look, it's an absolute must for a narcissist. Anything that isn't about them or their interests, they won't want to hear about it.

Narcissists also want a relationship that makes them look good. They want someone who will provide the resources they want to live the life they desire without argument and they will use you to get what they want because love doesn't exist in their world.

They will also want to be in control of every part of your life because they need to know that their needs and wants are going to continue to be met.

Their ultimate goal is to hook you with promises that they never intend to keep, but will allow them to fulfill their desires and keep you under control until they have no more use for you.

When a narcissist no longer feels like they are in control it can be dangerous for their victim because chances are you have already caught onto their lies and stood up to them. Once they have been confronted, narcissists will react by playing the victim and turn anyone who will listen against you.

And if you do happen to leave a narcissist or they decide to look for another victim, don’t believe for a minute that they're through with you completely. A narcissist has a need and if they think that you can still fulfill that need for them, they'll try to get back into your life. They will tell you that they're sorry, they made a mistake, and want to change. Don't believe a word of it. Narcissists don't change and only care about themselves. And a narcissist who is already aware of your concerns about them will make certain your actions don't go unnoticed or unpunished once you let them back into your life.

Narcissists will always have a backup plan whether it's you or a new victim because they don't want to be alone. If a narcissist is alone they won't be able to get the recognition they believe they deserve and their needs met with ease.

But those needs don't just stop with you. A narcissist will always use anyone that they believe can give them what they need by attempting to gain their sympathy.

Narcissists feed on sympathy by telling their victims their life story and playing the victim themselves. Once they've convinced someone that they are the victim they know it will be easier to get them on their side and give in to their needs.

A victim of a narcissist can be anyone as long as they can be used to fulfill their needs. They may pretend to be your friend or be interested in being in a relationship with you, but they really only want to use you. The only goal a narcissist has is to get your attention so that they can get what they want from you and nothing more.

And if you're holding onto hope that a narcissist will change, they won't. Narcissists are dead set on being admired by the world and nothing will stop them from that. So if you have the opportunity walk away from that relationship. No real good will come from forming a relationship with a narcissist.