Solitude Rebellion

One afternoon, during a conversation, my friend couldn't believe it when I said that I rarely do things alone. I don't shop alone, I don't drink coffee alone, I don't go to the doctor myself, whatever it is, I'm not alone.

He couldn't believe it. He always felt that I was an introvert figure, those who are comfortable in solitude, shy, and think before speaking. So when I reluctantly do everything without a friend, my whole figure in his mind seems to be turned upside down.

Then next I ask, why is it so easy for him to do everything in solitude? Like walking alone without anyone accompanying you, shopping alone, watching movies alone, enjoying a cup of coffee alone in the hustle and bustle of people who don't neglect to talk. And as I guessed, he didn't understand why he could do it either. Just an excuse that, "yes you can, why not." only that.

So yesterday, I started trying to rebel. Trying to test whether I can be firm in solitude. I also tried to walk alone around half the city at dawn changing morning. Sitting in a coffee shop when people haven't even left their door to leave.

The result. I still can't be completely alone. Maybe because a smartphone in the hand is a bit of a treat. Come to think of it, without those items I can't be alone. So the first rebellion failed, I think.

To be honest I'm not very comfortable in the hustle and bustle of the crowd. But if you want to be more honest, actually I feel isolated in the crowd. Hence, a friend makes me feel less alienated. As if I was in the realm of togetherness.

I like to envy people who easily do things on their own. Even more jealous of those who are able to laugh with various people around them. It feels good to be able to do both of these things without a burden, without any reluctance.