Offering Sorrow

There is a lot of sadness to offer in every journey of life. Even joy must be offered, lest it be too sweet, salty, or bitter. Most people never offer themselves to happiness, like the sweet that always lives inside of us. We continue to consume the sweetness of life so that we have no room to remember that in every episode, there is sadness.

Sadness often come with a variety of flavors. I sometimes feel it as something bitter, bitter than medicine. Sometimes salty, saltier than the ocean or salt mines. Similar sweet sometimes outrageous.

Many are confused. How sadness can come in such a sweet form. Sometimes, in a sense of sadness, there is a feeling like getting new news in a life. Adding a point of wisdom in looking at this life. I give sweetness to such sorrow. Outrageously sweet.

However, what I feel right now I can't describe. In which category is this ongoing sadness. Will he be something I call bitter, or salty, or maybe at the end I will mention a sweet taste that life offers by pain.

In the past week, I've read a novel by Paulo Chelho which in one of its chapters is about sadomasochism, where pain, pain, hurt, become a way for people to find pleasure. Some people in order to feel close to God, they start whipping themselves. Until at some point, they find pleasure in every wound.

But I'm not one to find pleasure in every open wound. Although maybe, later, I will find the sweetness that God taught me in the pain of my feet crawling across the sahara, or maybe treading a thicket full of thorns. Sometimes, God often tells stories through gaping wounds.

I really hope. He called me. Then asked me to answer "why don't I want to bother him anymore?" or maybe he will whine that his soul is unstable and he doesn't know why he's doing it. I really hope. Where, in the first answer I will tell you about the heartache that I feel, and in the second answer I want him not to repeat any such wishes again.

I always try to be as perfect as he wants even though the whole world says: NO HUMAN IS PERFECT, I will still try. At least, by offering yourself and a promise not to hurt him, being loyal, and responsible.

Writing this, my heart aches. Loving him makes me reflect on his every wish so that at one conclusion I feel he doesn't want to be bothered by me.

I don't understand what people really want. When they ask God for love, they are not satisfied, they ask for something else, they also ask for hate. They want to see what happens when God hates them. However, God never hates.

Haven't you often heard: God doesn't grant what you ask for, but He gives you what you need. The best for you.

I never hated you either. What I feel is deep sadness. If only you knew.

How sad that comes, when you write the news your chin starts to tremble. Your hands are cold, and also shaking. Your lips start to bite, then tears fall without knowing when it will be over. And the roar in your chest is so pounding. You feel very hot. Your heart is like a fire that you don't even know how to put out.

I am waiting for you here. With the same love and longing. To hear a news, that you want to be disturbed again. I'm waiting. Meanwhile, try: OFFER SORRY.