Even men cry...

Once upon a time, I had a crush on a woman. A woman with a strong desire I want to marry, of course I want to marry her as an adult, not the old me who was still too childish and unable to be independent. That woman means so much to me, even between her and the god is like only a thin line. I adore him too much.

That woman with the passage of time I love more than the princess. Although maybe until now he would never realize how much he meant to me, but that was then. I call it: Garden of Heaven.

In fact, the barrier I've been building seems to be without a trace. Maybe this is love. But at that time I was in the wrong connotation of love, not a love that is justified in the bond of a marriage.

Even men cry...

She was the first woman to walk alongside me. I remember, the first time I walked with him was a year ago, we walked to a book fair. Weird, we are not like men in general, there is a distance between us. When I left, he went to the right, and there were a few meters between us. There is a reason for all that; I'm ashamed.

After that incident, I cried. Weeping for myself, but the only person I ever told about it was to an angel. Well, I call her an angel. To him I cried, I told him how I felt dirty.

So after that it all stopped? Not. The incident continued.

In fact, she's the first woman I ride with. We go to the beach. But up to the beach, never once did my skin touch his skin. There is a reason for all that; I'm ashamed.

Maybe God still loves me very much. He gave me shame, but also rewarded me with such passionate lust. One lesson I take here, that love also breeds lust.

Lust makes me want to continue to be near him. Lust makes me want to keep him with me. Lust makes me want to do more and more, but I am very ashamed. I am ashamed of my God, I am ashamed of myself. But lust makes me never able to stop, even though I should be very ashamed.

There was one fear at that time: I was afraid that if we weren't together, I was afraid that the woman wasn't my soul mate.

Even men cry...

Then God gave the best way. When I am at the peak of love, when I love him so passionately, when jealousy is in the crown, when I want to monopolize him, God acts differently. He erased that love for the woman.

Then I asked, "Why is that? What made you do that?"

A man he thought was an adult had taken him away. Throw me into the silence of love, and a broken heart. I collapsed.

But that was then, now I am able to smile even though sometimes the shadow of love still surrounds me. Sometimes I still think about that woman, hoping to God to give her the best. I want him to walk straight, straighter than mine.

It turns out that God really loves me, even though I have cried.

Every human being has a dark past. They have the time and experience, a story gathered so that humans are able to choose the best to walk forward.

Every now and then, take a break. Take a break and look at the past, so much so that useful conclusions can be drawn. Even if it was the worst experience.

Because of the past… even men cry…