Between liking to give and wanting to always be given

In living life in this world, humans are always faced with various kinds of needs that must be met, both material needs and non-material needs. Various ways people do to meet the needs of their lives ranging from ways that are commendable to ways that are despicable.

The best people are those who are able to ease the burden of suffering from others and in fulfilling their needs based on their own abilities and results of their efforts, do not become a burden, let alone harm or harm others.

However, our culture is more oriented towards the mentality of wanting to be given rather than giving. That is why our dependence on external forces is such that we are easily controlled and enslaved by other people or nations. People are easily led by those who have money, community leaders are easily herded by those who are fighting for power and money, so we are a duck class nation who is easily herded here and there.

The habit of depending on others has permeated all areas of life in so many ways. Dependence on parents, dependence on the government, dependence on rank and position, dependence on foreign aid, and many other dependencies.

The mentality of wanting to be given has really damaged the soul and self-esteem of many people. Someone who is actually very potential, but because of the mentality of wanting to be given becomes less confident. Students prefer to cheat on exams than to study hard. Law enforcers prefer to accept bribes than to uphold justice. Officials prefer to abuse their position to enrich themselves rather than carry out their duties honestly and responsibly. Social media activists prefer to consume hoax news and spread it easily rather than racking their brains and pouring them into useful writing for fear of not getting many "LIKE and COMMENT".

Someone who has a mentality that wants to always be given tends to always blame others for various failures and bad luck that befalls him. Frequently used sentences are, "I failed because my brother didn't fully help me", or "I got bullied by my friend", "I feel sad because he left me", or "He has hurt my heart".

His luck and happiness is also dependent on others. "Without his help I would not have had such good luck." "I feel happy because he is good to me". But once someone he needs leaves him, he too is forced to become helpless, bankrupt, or even destroyed.

The act of blaming others, on the one hand, might make the other person feel guilty. But it is not a responsible action. Even if a person goes to hell, he absolutely cannot defend himself by placing the blame on Satan who always tempts him.

Humans within certain limits are given the freedom to do anything and he himself must be responsible for all his actions. Being responsible for oneself means that each person must be himself. This means the freedom of a person from the psychological shackles of others and his freedom from the attitude of always wanting to be given.

In social life, of course we need each other, but it is not dependence that causes us to become a burden to others and lose our identity.

This can be realized if we want to change our attitude, from an attitude of wanting to always be given to an attitude of giving. Of course, this is not an easy matter, especially for those who are used to taking advantage of dependence on others.

The mental attitude of giving, like the attitude of always wanting to be given, is not formed just like that, but it is formed by habit. Everything when you get used to it will feel easy to do. But on the other hand, everything will feel hard to do if you are not used to it. Someone who is used to getting up in the middle of the night to pray tahajjud, then getting up at midnight for him is not something that is burdensome, but hard for those who are not used to it. Likewise, the habit of giving.

Avoiding the attitude of always wanting to be given and getting used to the attitude of giving will make a person a strong, independent, responsible person, and not dependent on others.

The law of reflection says, whatever we give to others will come back to us. If we give good, then we will get good, and if we give bad, then bad in return. Whoever sows the seed will reap the harvest.

Give kindness, and it will return to us; if that person does not repay our kindness, he will come from any direction Allah wills. The kindness we give will echo from all directions and then it will come back to us with the number multiplied.

A person who has a mental attitude that likes to give is usually always satisfied with the work he gives regardless of the amount he receives or even does not receive any honorarium at all because he does it with pleasure. It's not he who chases money but money that usually chases him.

Inayat Khan (2000) says, "What we seek in life we ​​must give to others. If it is virtue we seek, give it. If it's good, give it. If service, give it ". All the secrets of happiness in life rest on this. If we seek happiness in the goodness of others, depend on it to make us happy. And as long as we look to other people to make us happy, we mean that we look to hope that we should always be given.