Be Anything, Anyone

I like changing roles. Be anything, anyone. But unfortunately, I'm stuck with the characters that I play. I became a reduction, a distortion, I lost the real me. I searched, but he had run away.

I often call the lost ME “he” or “the man” or “the man”. I lost him, a man who was a man (a dizzying ).

First born, I was brought up in a spoiled role. The distinctive character of the last child, the only man. Whatever I want, it's always there. I was not allowed to leave the house too late, even required to take a nap. I can't hold a knife, I can't wash, I can't cut, and all. Everything is impossible.

Growing up, I became a naughty child. I am carefree, playful, and a giver. Sometimes I like to fight, but fighting is a joke. I also like to cry sometimes. By my friend, I was taught how to steal mangoes, steal food while fasting. But since then, I'm so uncomfortable.

My 6th MIN grade changed a bit. I don't like fighting anymore, instead I'm more often the undefeated child. I never studied, and became a stupid child.

Moving on to MTsN, I started to be different. Among friends I am cheerful, at home too, but not in the neighborhood. At that time, I was just starting to learn to walk with my head down. Here, I have not learned sin. At the beginning, I was so rigid with my surroundings. I became like a Social Phobia, like being nervous in a crowd that I don't know.

High school was the time when I began to recognize sin. On the internet, I know more than anything just my friends talk about. But most of the time I kept quiet and listened to them talk without interrupting. When they talk about women between men, I've learned a lot from that. I went astray.

But my misguidance never made me dare to be honest, until now.

College time. I'm getting thinner. In fact it has most likely been lost. That's when I was in the lost astray. But no one knows how bad I was at that time. From it were born groaning verses about the longing for dhuha, tahajjud. I miss, but I've gone too far.

My roles are like nails driving through pillars. Even though it has faded, the scars never go away. That's what God said in disgrace. If God has covered it, then don't open it.

There are many other roles. I also forget, I don't know what roles I've ever played. I'm confused: who am I?

The roles complement each other. They nudge each other, wanting to exist to be the real me I am. Me: be anything, anyone.