Struggles Of Having Cherophobia

Happiness can't never be excluded from everyone's desires in life. Just like sadness, happiness is part of life. But who doesn't want to be happy everyday? To be extremely happy? I think every ones are hoping for this but in my case, I want to be happy differently.

A very quick break:

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Have you heard or do you know the phobia called Cherophobia?

If not yet, let me give here first the meaning of this phobia. The word "chairo" is a greek word that means "to rejoice". Cherophobia is the fear of happiness. People who have this phobia are often afraid to attend in any events or activities that they think that would make them happy.

I have this phobia for many years now. At first, I thought it was just normal to feel worried for most of the time when I'm at a party or celebration, but everytime I see people who are really enjoying the day or night like there's no tomorrow made me think of "Is it still normal to feel this?". Why I can't be happy as much as they do? Why they can be so happy like that without thinking of what might happens after this celebration?

A lot of questions in my mind are keep on bugging me that time not until I saw one of Lloyd Cafe Cadena's meme on facebook. I can't tell here exactly what he said on that meme but what I only remember is, he's pertaining to people who has cherophobia, where they are afraid to be happy or to feel too much happiness for there might something tragic or bad will happen afterwards. That's the time I knew that I have this kind of phobia. By the way, rest in peace Lloyd.

Based on my experiences, I can still attend to any gatherings or events such as birthday parties, new years, vacations etcetera but my happiness are only limited, and that limitations are made by my own self. Because for me, I feel like in every actions I made, there is always a consequences after it, whether if it is a good deed or bad deeds.

Actually, one of the reasons why I hated attending to acquaintance party or prom during my high school years is because of this phobia. Like I'm afraid that I might have a wardrobe malfunctions while being happy with my friends, or I might stumble while walking down the stairs with my partner and many more scenario that would embarass me. That's how I overthink the situations to the point that it is also limiting my self from experiencing those things in my life.

Now, I have a little regrets for all the events I missed during my teenage life, but I can't do anything about it anymore as they're already happened. I just hate it, I feel like I don't deserve to feel that extreme happiness for the rest of my life because I have this phobia. However, I'm practicing my mind now not to overthink everything especially when I'm having fun, it's okay to worry but not to point that it will limit me again to experience those things and activities.

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Have a great day wonderful people ♡.