My Top 3 Insecurities

Because of the standards that the society built even before, a lot of us are experiencing or have experienced feeling sad about ourselves just because we didn't meet some or all of the qualities that everyone's are looking for. Unfortunately up until today, in order to be called beautiful we should have a nice eyes, fit and sexy body, clear and smooth skin, shiny hair, long legs and more. Especially in the current generation where we are exempted to everyone's judgement and bash once we are beautiful or handsome, rich, famous, have a nice background in life etcetera.

Seeing those girls on instagram that has a lot of these qualities sometimes makes me feel insecured. I know I'm not the only one who are experiencing this but it is just so sad to think that because of these standards, a lot of us are being depressed, rejected and hopeless. In this article, I will share here my top 3 insecurities and why.

First on the list would be;

My Height

I think this is the most common insecurities that most of us have. During my elementary days, I was getting bullied because of my physical looks specifically my height. I am just a small, shy and introvert girl that time. My classmates were often called me pandak or liit. I remembered the exact line that one of the mean girls who always bully me said during 3rd grade was when she shouted, "Pandak kase!" means "Cause she's small!" in front of our class while looking at me then he rolled her eyes at me and laughed together with her friends after. I was so embarassed that time, I wasn't able hold my tears anymore as it really hurts me. And what makes my situation even worser that time is I don't have friends. Until now, that memory is still in me. The pain and trauma is still in me. That's the reason why my height became my greatest insecurity about myself up until now. However, I think I can say that I've already accepted it but there is still a part of me who still gets hurt when someone cracks a joke about my height.

My Looks

Honestly, I sometimes think of my looks could be the reason why people I love left me. I don't have all the characteristics of a beautiful girl plus I had a pimple breakout last 2020. My pimples back then took away all my confidence to the point that I am no longer showing my face at every photo, if I do I would make sure that it has a filter so it will lessen a bit my ugliness. Before, I hate wearing masks as I am struggling in breathing but now, as possible as I can I won't take off my mask. My confidence are still in me when I am wearing a mask but once I remove it, I will just look at the ground most of the time because I am shy with my face. Also, I can't wear nice clothes as I feel like they don't fit me.

My Current Situation

Undergraduate, broke and unemployed. Until now, everytime I see my ex-classmate's posts on social media about their classes or projects, I felt a bit envy and sad. Knowing that I am no longer be able to graduate college is what really hurts me plus the thought that I envy them because they are still in their ways in achieving their goals and one of it is to have a degree which I really wanted to have even before. Broke in both financial and emotional. Lastly, unemployed, this is what I am currently struggling. It is so hard to find a job in my field that still accepts undergraduate students. Most of them rejected me and some are too far from where I live. I feel shy when someone asks me about my degree and work because I don't have both as of now.

Sometimes, I wonder where and when did these qualities started and be known all over the world. Each countries has their own race and faces that's why meeting these qualities just to be called 'beautiful' is what I can't really stand on. I hate these standards. I know there are billions of people who are going through the same as what I am experiencing now. But before I end this article, even though I have these insecurities, I still love myself. Now, I've accepted my height, I've already loved my looks and body and I've already convinced myself that my path in life is different from the others, it may seem impossible for me right now but I trust time and my own process.

Do not depend our life to what we see from the others or to what other people would say to us. If we want to be accepted by other people, we should first accept ourselves too.

Oh, you made this far!

Thanks to these amazing writers/sponsors 👆

Have a great day wonderful people ♡.