Joined 8 September 2022 · 5585 posts
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@Sydney2OnNoiseApp
One thing I have realized is that I don't want to live a rat-race. Chasing after bills. Living paycheck to paycheck. I am the sole-decision maker of my life and the best decision of yours truly defined you. So, what now if I chose the road less travelled one day. It will truly make difference. I'm not even certain if I am here tomorrow. So I must make the best decision of my life.
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The first day of my field study is quite overwhelming. Lol, teaching in a public school was not my dream and looking the whack system, I can't. Can you imagine a classroom with 54 students? Not to mention half of it are stubborn? Not to forget that teachers here has different functions and roles, like a simulation. This is my first observation. And I'm disheartened. 😂
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I am so excited for tomorrow's field observation. I hope my classmate was kidding about 4 a.m.; that was damn early in the morning. I understand the place is far, but, haha, 4 am? Okay, I'll have to wake up at 4 am to prepare and hurry?
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I'm still alive and kicking. Just hoping I won't lose my sanity when things get out of control. I still have the same routine as I always do. Here are our to-do activities for the first semester, that's the first page yet. We will be on the field and I was assigned quite far from my house but that excites me more, lol. I love observing anyway. So this is a perfect role for me.
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Sign of maturity: Yung mga finafollow mo na ay mga OFW sa iba't-ibang panig ng mundo. #PiliinmoangPilipinas 😂
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One of the reasons why I love to use the internet blogging platforms, TikTok, etc. is because you will realize that the world is bigger than you think. You will see what's happening in the other parts of the world, just when you thought the place where you live was the only world that existed but you will realize there's more than this.
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Whenever I am feeling scared or lost, I just utter these words repeatedly, "Be brave, be courageous, do not be afraid," like a mantra. It's harder from the start, it won't make sense but the more you believe in these words, the stronger they become in your being. Just keep trying.
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Too risky to share somewhere. I am starting to question my morale. Listening to Madonna's La Isla Bonita makes me imagine about my crushes. I don't know why I am so deeply attracted to the Latinos living somewhere in US jajaja but I only want their eyes. Not until I hear them speak in their mamma español. Too hot for me, lol. I am very attracted to them that it makes me crazy thinking. There are also Filipinos who look like Latinos but sadly They can't speak Spanish.
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What a funny thought entered my mind. They said God created the world only to abandon it but are they even sure he has abandoned it? What if he is just around us, even communicating with us? Like, has it even sunk into your brain that if he has abandoned the world then it won't continue to exist. Like who would operate it? Who maintain the order if things get wrong? Does it make sense? He is just observing. Or even reading, or even writing something. Maybe God is lonely and wants a show or something to watch from the daily monotonous heavenly paradise. He won't abandon what he have created in the first place.
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I have really enjoyed this long summer break. I was able to enjoy the solitude and the novels. Wow. It made me think I want this kind of life forever, reading books everyday. Such a nice and good life. What a luxury. To the point that I have forgotten that I only have a week and a half left before our class will begin. I am so caught up in the moment. As much as I want to continue this idyllic life, I have to continue my affairs in this world. I was born a warrior and I'm not meant for solitary, the mind is my limitation and I don't have limitations. I am seizing every moment now and then because I don't know what the future holds. I am going to graduate this school year and I'm going to have my teaching internship. I'm so excited for that experience. That is why I am doubling my time posting on all my online accounts because I'm going to disappear. One thing I know for sure, I'm not scared of the unknown. I'm scared of dying without even trying. Don't be afraid of death or failure. Be afraid of being afraid. Sail the vessel, explore the ocean and if you'll drown, it's worth it ~
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I'm getting paranoid, lol. I have turn off my Tiktok profile view so others won't see I'm viewing theirs. I don't want to appear like a creep stalker, visiting their profile time after time. How idiot of mine. I could have just browse on the following page. Lmao. So I have visited this person's profile again and I'm terrified that he has turn on his profile view and my profile will appear, haha. I have googled and made sure I'm not embarrassing myself and it turns out I'm safe, someone won't know I have viewed theirs because I have turn off mine. So when I visit again his profile, he has a new Tiktok video update. Just recently. I am very sure that's a newly uploaded video and I did not click it lol. I'm embarrassed that he is aware I'm watching. 😭 This is what will happen when you find someone attractive, kinda? But seriously I just want to know what he's talking. 😭 Also I wonder if it will appear on their videos who are viewing lmao.
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When you want to reply to your online crush but you lack sufficient credits:
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Poor people do not exist. They're victims of circumstances. Poverty is not by choice; it's a result of inequality.
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I'm sad it did not rain tonight. I find solitude, peace, and joy every time it's raining. I'll be waiting for the rainy season to come back again, and I hope I'm still there when it comes.
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Thought you would like to read my article about the movie, "Becoming Jane." This is my most heartfelt reflection from the movie: https://read.cash/@Sydney2/becoming-jane-my-thoughts-after-watching-this-movie-6489d76b
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I don't know how am I supposed to think, to react, to feel. I want to struck a lightning and destroy human if I were a god. How could these people do such thing here? Yesterday, a truck was lurking all around the neighborhood harvesting dogs and cats on the streets..only to be feed to the crocodiles and snakes. The dogs are fed to the crocodile and the cats are fed to the snakes. How can I report these?? If the local government unit has something to do with these. I want to scream! Fck. Please help me think.
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Omg, Swiss chocolate!? Quite surprise to see this. There are only two pieces of it on the 7-11 counter. I need to grab it as soon as possible. Hope they'll restock more chocolates like this. 😍🍫
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Jrnl 29/06/24 Can't blame teachers for leaving. Teaching is a never lucrative profession and you do it all for passion. You will be disrespected by the students and parents but you have to get over from it. Sometimes you are in great competition with your colleague, you have to be tough. Teaching does not only limit to speaking and checking the outputs of your students. You are a multitasker in every angle and you perform different duty that is outside of your job. Many American teachers are leaving their job as a teachers and as a result, middle schools in America are hiring teachers from other countries where the salary for a teacher will be enough. They mostly hire from Philippines, Venezuela and other countries interested. It's sad, because teaching is the most underpaid career for American teachers knowing their expensive cost of living. At the same time it's a blessing for other teachers where dollars can be significant amount. What I am wondering right now is that why do South Korea doesn't hire Filipino teachers to teach in high school? American schools hire Filipino teachers to teach English and History even if English is a second language to us but they treat us the same with native teacher. Now I'm wondering why our neighboring Asian country such South Korea doesn't like Filipinos to work in their schools? They only accept Western people. Are they racist or was it something else? Image is from Pinterest.
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Jrnl 27/06/24 I guess I will never move on from this movie. I can't even get it out of my mind. When you are so emotionally touched by the movie and you start to feel something broken inside of you. This makes me want to cry thinking about the ending. I hate sad endings just like this. What's worse is that this is a real story of the famous writer, Jane Austen. I thought the story of Jack and Rose was the most heartbreaking love story ever told but I was wrong. This is the real one, based on real people. I wish they ended up together, I wish circumstances were not bad for both of them. But no. They met for a short time, tried to be together, but they had to make the best decision. Just when they are about to escape and build a life together that's when Jane realized it's wrong. Tom has a career in legal studies and the provider for his many siblings. Jane can't let Tom give up everything he is building in his life. That's true love for me. Tom is such an ideal nice guy, eloquent, witty, charming, down to earth. (In fact, I have fallen in love with Tom Lefroy. )😭 Anyway, going back to the movie, they met again after a few years. Tom married someone and had 7 children while Jane never married. One of his children is named after his first love and the one that got away, he named his daughter "Anne Lefroy." They say that we only experience love with one person, in our lifetime. And the rest is a matter of choice if we choose to love someone else, but that will never replace the first love. Becoming Jane- 2007
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The most difficult thing to let go in life is not greed, anger, envy, or guilt. The most difficult thing to let go in life is attachment.
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Jrnl 25/06/24 The Dark Side of Avril Lavigne's Early Fame I will be posting another Avril Lavigne thing again. So, if you are not a fan of her or you do not like my postings here, feel free to unsubscribe me. I'm just making this account a journal perhaps a diary or whatever you might like to call it. So, it's me again being a fanatic girl, once again. So, I am surprised she has uploaded lyric videos of majority of her songs from 'Let Go' album. It gives me the chills and all the nostalgia. As always. There's one thing I have to reveal about the success of her first ever album. This is not her forte! In fact, she was forced to do pop punk music and market herself as a rockstar when that wasn't what she wanted to do in the first place. But during the early 2000s, there's a rise of rock bands and Avril Lavigne has the potential because of her voice. They changed how she would appear onstage and on her music videos, the heavy black eyeliner made her a totally real icon. They are able to market the young Avril Lavigne successfully, given the fact that she is a young girl and can do screams. This is totally sad and she also has to act like a tomboyish girl when she isn't really. Everyone was sold the lie that she was a boyish type of girl and everybody was dying to be her. It is all success. But did she regret it? It's hard to tell. She was controlled by the music management and she had to live up to the rockstyle girl everybody believed in. Not until her 2nd and other albums that she appeared to be her. She loves doing pop songs and not rock style. But well, she maybe making success and fame but deep within, it's not her who chose to be that one. It was them who decided how she would be. But there's a good result from those years of her faking her personality, she is able to build a long-lasting persona, until today to whom people know her as a Pop Punk Queen. She is still able to make profits from her collections, albums, and endorsements. And she is still living up to this. Avril is a just a victim of the music industry which wants to garner profit from her. Just like other singers, she has to live by what the management tells her, it's suffocating. She is not replaced by a Melissa girl. She is the real Melissa forced to become the Avril Lavigne the world wants to. It's so hard to be something when you are not, isn't it? It may not have been her first love, but it became her true love or should we say destiny. Listen to her lyrics video here: https://youtu.be/ncVkvOuil2Y?si=MZh8tkt6LhLmX_vU
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Jrnl 24/06/24 I remember listening to almost all her songs for the very first time when I was in my early eighth grade years. That was fun and I feel like was living the early 2000s. Not everyone will enjoy and love listening to her songs but her songs does not suck if you try to compare them with the songs today. Getting craze all over sex, addiction, drugs and any other nonsense shits. Well, I have to say Avril's songs were really a hyped during her years because it's an "American contextualized" songs. Okay, I made that term. No need to Google for that, lol. What I'm saying is that her songs are clearly for American and Canadian teens having their best fun lives during that time. Espescially during the rise of skater gurls and bois, her songs are made because of that hype. The emo years, the american teenage culture. This paved the way for her songs to be created. I have clearly understood the root and purpose of this conspiracy shit. I don't understand why they're making something like this but now I do. In fact, Avril Lavigne herself knows it, too. She's aware of it and I bet she agreed on this. This is part of marketing her second album to make her name "boom," and it is somehow effective. The conspiracy theory is believed by many. But there's a downside, now everyone thinks she's a clone. Well, that's what PR does, they create shits, broadcast it on social media, and let it boom. To give you more example, Lana Del Rey always says her composition and written lyrics were stolen before releasing her album. For what? For the sake of increasing awareness. Break-ups, scandals, all those things they can create just to get the "talk-of-the-world." It's all made-up, and you've been sold a lie. Anyway, I love Avril Lavigne and even I am not american myself, her songs resonate with me and they makes so much sense. Her albums are all about being a teen facing the confusing world and of course, with a fun. Complicated & Sk8er Boi will always have my heart. Here's the link to her recent interview about Melissa the clone. https://youtu.be/SLpzH5Ah3oE?si=m7X0qIpmGIoJQVgs
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Jrnl 22/06/24 8:05 pm Peace is so dangerously beautiful that you don't want to be around anyone. Now I know what it feels to live a mind and life with peace. A quiet life with no one expecting anything from you. A silent ghost on social media where no one knows what's going on in your life. A private life without anyone who can pull you down. A peaceful life with no pressure from society. How I love this feeling. Being a nobody. Being alone. Being unbothered. Being calm. Being real. Being on your own. No one is secretly envious and wishes you fail in life. Nothing to show and nothing to prove. Just a life unseen, and a life truly lived. Oh, how dangerously beautiful the peace could be once you embrace it.
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Jrnl 21/06/24 Since we are still on summer break, I have a lot of books to read and movies to watch. We have two months to enjoy this freeing moment but I don't know what should I finish reading first and should I finish different movies at a day? Lol, funny it is. But I'm making the best of this break and I have the grasp of time, I am combining different books and movie genres. My ebook downloads are flooding and my mobile lists are plenty, not just that..but I also have saved movies from other sites including YouTube and Facebook. Because of these all, I am somewhat confused.
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Jrnl 20/06/24 Luxury is when you are able to revisit your childhood memories and smile once again. Reading the old and new books you fervently love. Listening to the music you have abandoned and rediscovering how you used to see the world. Seizing the moment as you stare out the window. Feeling the rain restoring your old buried self. This is the real luxury that will keep your soul, alive. I hope you won't forget to keep yourself alive.
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As much as I want to watch Asian dramas such as CDrama, I always end up not finishing them because I don't prefer reading the subtitles all the time. I hope there's an English dubbed version, I think it would be great. 😵
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Damn..this is beyond creepy and sad. I am reading an ebook story from the /NoSleep community user on Reddit. It's in a different series and I ended in this series tonight, in this paragraph, and line. All I can say is that it is so depressing. As a cat owner and a cat lover, this is the worst feeling you could ever feel. I swear. And how many cats are killed by accident versus killed by humans? I bet 90% are because of humans.
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Those who think solitude is lonely don't know how to be at the fullest moment. Well, can't blame them if they grow up from a sociable kind of environment. But people who love solitude are glowing, while they may be on their own but at least they're happy and they're not in this world to please others.
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I think the reason why I was born in this world is because I am so curious how it feels like to be a human. When you want solitude but at the same time you also long for socialization. Honestly, I don't understand myself anymore. I want to be on my own, but I love interpreting people's facial expressions. I want it when someone speaks to me and I start to see their nature, conviction, and vision. You know, I'm more of like a conversant. I have a lot of things to say when I am asked to. I'm quiet but I'm also wordy. I can be the friendliest stranger you could ever meet, and I can tell you a lot of things--be whatever the topic is. I honestly have interviewed people, oh not really an interview but a question. What do you think of me? Am I something like an introvert or an extrovert? And their response was like, "you look introvert but when you start to talk, you sound like an extrovert." Lol, hahaha. I am an introvert to be honest, but I like it when I exchange conversation with anyone. They have this funny saying about me, "when you talk with her, it will end tomorrow." Lollllll
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I really love it when the weather is gloomy and when it rain. This month is a rainy season and I really love it. Everytime the raindrops fall, my mind slows down and I feel so connected with the nature. It's hard to explain something that gives you inner joy. Quiet, peace, and nature. That's what I want. I hope this season will last longer.