I Chose To Live, Not To Exist

Have you ever asked the same question to yourself? Are you living or just existing? I remember the quote from the survival/thriller movie, "Life is short, too short. So you gotta use every moment. You gotta do something that makes you feel alive." The time I have heard that from the movie, I have realized one thing about life. I just don't want to exist but I also want to live in this world. I want to live my life to the fullest and make every moment count because who knows if this is our last day or not. At least we are happy in life.

If I would examine my life today, I know I am living a life. When I say living, I really mean about feeling specialness towards different things in life. Others might feel it like nothing but for me it is extraordinary. I do not care if I feel intense happiness when opening a bottle of fruit drinks while others see it as a normal bottle because that's how I truly feel that I am living. I don't care if I look like a child everytime I grab chocolates because this is how I wanted to feel about. I don't want to follow what the world tell us to be, if we're only to follow then we are just existing under the world order?

A viral post from Twitter really changed my perspectives. Someone tweeted. 'I don't think our life has to be a purpose, it's okay to live a life not finishing a degree, not building a house. It's okay to just live a life discovering special things until we die.' That post really hit my heart. I am tired hearing we should be successful by the age of 20s, we should already have our family by near 30s, we should already have travel by the age of 40s. I am tired hearing that. I just want to live a life where I don't have to feel peer pressure because it's my life and I want to live it the way I want. Isn't it wonderful to discover interesting new things and experience those kind of journey in your life until you die?

I don't want to live life like a survival. There's something more I want to live with and not just think only about survival. For me, living just to survive is also like existing for the sake of your future species. It's feel like you are only letting moments passed by without seizing them. This isn't how I wanted my life to be with. I want to create a life worth remembering. A life you are happy to live everyday. A life you are excited. A life you treasured. A life you love to live. A life you never felt wasted. And most of all, a life you are grateful.

I am also living in an idealistic perspectives. I view world more on ideas rather than how it actually seem to be. The goodness of it is that I am able to visualize world in a more creative way compared to others. The downside is I cannot always go along with the flow. If I would call idealistic perspectives as a blessing or not, I would say it is. Not everyone can see the world through ideas and this is what makes my life a beautiful landscape. Idealistic perspectives is a lot of subjective perspectives and if you would asked me why I have this perspectives? I did not choose this. I am born with this kind of mindset in life.

I chose to live, not just to only exist in this world. I know one day my time will come, but at least I have lived my life very well. I have life a life with no regrets. I have live a life where even in my final seconds I can still remember it. This is the real thing I want to say in this world. I am born to live a life I always dream of. We only live once but if we have enjoyed every moment, once is always enough. We always have the choice and it's up to you whether you would chose to only exist or you want to totally live.

December 17, 2022

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