How do we choose that person and fall in love?

Not just the people we meet and meet by chance, but our partners or the people we're dating or our soul mates we met by fate? While we all want to believe that our life story and the people who touch our lives are unique and unique, there are some common factors that affect our relationships in the same way. No matter how perfect we think, unfortunately, there are aspects that we cannot see. It must be difficult to find your own partner among millions of people. Maybe our ideal lover is on the other side of the world or in a completely different city, but we cannot reach him. Another scenario is to meet by chance. I guess the thing called love is a bit of coincidence, a bit of luck..

Choosing a partner is one of the important decisions in our lives. Our partner is one of the most important people in our lives. For this reason, we spend time and effort to find this person who is special to us, to create a unity and to maintain it.

So, what might we be influenced by when choosing the person in our life?

While there may be conscious behaviors and evaluations in the decision-making process in the selection of a partner, the decisions we take unconsciously are also effective. While some of our decisions are taken with awareness, there may be reasons underlying some of our decisions that we are not aware of at first glance. Our attraction to our partner, our feelings, interest and love are not just the result of rational evaluations. Particularly at the beginning of a relationship, some seemingly inexplicable reasons can cause us to feel intense feelings about our partner. This is because we experience feelings of attraction in relationships for many different reasons.

Within the framework of attachment theory, there is an assumption that the relationships that individuals establish with their own parents during childhood form the basis of one's perspective on the relationship. Based on the hypothesis that people's attachment style in childhood continues into adulthood, we can say that we all know the world through the bond we establish with our mother, who is the first caregiver for all of us. We form various ideas about this place where we have just arrived. We develop a belief that our relationships should be similar to the way we relate to our parents. Therefore, we feel closer to people with whom we can establish relationship dynamics similar to the relationship dynamics we establish with our parents. In short, the attachment patterns of the spouses affect the relationship dynamics.

Along with these, there are some basic factors that affect interpersonal relationships and our choice of partner.

1. Proximity:

One of the factors that affect our feelings of attraction is intimacy. Spatial and geographical partnership is an important factor for establishing and deepening relations. In order for attraction to occur between partners, it is important that people are in the perception area of ​​each other or be close enough to be included in the perception area from time to time. Intimacy is an important factor not only at the beginning of the relationship, but also during the relationship process for the preservation and continuation of the relationship. For this reason, the fact that the partners are in each other's perception area allows each other to receive the message that they are accessible to each other.

2. Familiarity:

Knowing a person lays the groundwork for our feelings towards that person to be more positive. This acquaintance is not just physical acquaintance, seeing each other, following on social media. In addition to these factors, it also includes situations such as having heard any comments about that person before, knowing the existence of common acquaintances. We feel more secure in the face of stimuli that we are aware of before.

For example, a song we've heard before, a movie we've seen before, or a meal we've eaten before can make us feel familiar. With this sense of familiarity, the uncertainties and question marks we feel for stimuli we have never known disappear. While an unfamiliar stimulus creates negative emotions such as fear, tension, and anxiety, the repetition of the stimulus reduces this. The fact that people know each other in a way in the choice of partner causes us to have positive feelings towards our partner due to these reasons that work mentally even though we are not aware of it.

3. Similarity:

Similarity is also an important factor in interpersonal relationships and partner selection. Having common themes, tastes and lifestyles in our relationships allows people to feel closer to each other. In addition, it is considered as one of the important factors, not only in the choice of partner, but also in friendship relations, since similarity brings together easier meeting on the common ground.