Half A Decade of Existence

Every night as I lay on my bed.....I always think and assess myself if I have been living my life the way I should or the way I wanted it to be.

Last January, I have celebrated my 50th year in this world. And in those 50 years of breathing, living, interacting, learning and co-existing with other people I have met along the road I travelled on, I have created many memories and had some good and bad experiences as well.

Growing up as a kid, I made some friends in our neighborhood. Including my bestfriend up until today, whom I met the 2nd day we moved in to our new home. I saw her from across the street, she just stared at me and then stuck out her tounge at me hahaha I was surprised at that gesture of her but I just smiled back at her and she turned around and went inside their house. But as days go by, we get a little bit closer with each other, with me always doing the first move. I often approached her and coach her into some little talks, until we became the best of buddies. My efforts were not wasted hehe we were inseparable. Yes, we played with the other kids but we don't play without the other, like we're a package deal, we should be both playing with the neighborhood kids.

When it was time for my family to move out of our rented apartment, I cried everynight because I'll be leaving the place and people I grew up with. I feel like a tree having to be uprooted from its place. I'll be leaving my comfort zone and my friends behind. Me and my bestfriend cried when I made my final goodbye because we both know that we'll not gonna see each other for a very very long time. And yes, we have not seen her only after 20 years of being apart. We both have our own families but it feels like we've just parted a few weeks only. Nothing has changed, we only look much older but still kids at heart. Proving that bestfriends will remain bestfriends even if you're a thousand miles away.

During my school days, I have lots of memories and experiences to look back to.

Meeting new faces and building up new friendships with people who saw through my snobbish appearance hahaha Most of my schoolmates saw me as the snob and quite and studious type. Little did they know that I am friendly but shy type of a person. So those who has successfully broken the barrier became my best buddies. They were surprised that I can talk more than 2 sentences and that I can joke around too. But for me, being around the right people makes me feel comfortable that I can open up and be myself.

Highschool days are most fun because I get to go at parties and dance my heart out. I really love to attend parties be it at the school or at a relatives place when there is a town fiesta and girls from Manila were treated special. It's in a party that I met my first boyfriend hehe he was introduced by a cousin of mine. And after that night, he started courting me by sending love letters through mail. Yes, mail because there is no cellphones yet way back then. So we just write letters and dropped them in the mailbox and wait for about a week or 2 before it reaches its destination.

Joining school field trips are fun too. I get to go to far away places with just my classmates and teachers, no parents tagging along. Taking pictures and having fun with my peers. With this, I am very gratefull to my parents, eventhough they're earning just enough for the family, they still provided my fee for the field trip and my foods, snacks and drinks and of course, film for the camera so I could take pictures with my classmates.

Having a family of my at a very young age was very challenging and full of trials and hardships.

I got married at 18.....very young I know. Maybe I thought it was love or maybe it was, not so sure. To be honest, as I think and look back now, I can only recall a very very few happy moments during our marriage, it feels like 90% of it can be best described as living in hell. I suffered a lot in this relationship. I've been a prisoner of a misconception about family. Growing up in a Catholic family, my idea of a family is having a father and a mother with their kids under one roof, keeping the family whole no matter what happens.

I have learned too late that it is okay not to have a father within the family. And I also learned that I can stand on my own and support my kids even without my husband. It was very wrong to keep saving the marriage if the other half keeps on hurting the other half, mentally, emotionally and eventually....physically.

But also.....something good has come out of that marriage. I have my kids, who fortunately doesn't take after their father's attitude and personality. All of them grew up to be good children, looking after one another, supporting each other and loving one another. They are my treasure and I don't want to leave them to soon in this life. They still need me for guidance and support. I can't imagine leaving them, just thinking about it breaks my heart.

So that was it.....I know it's not much but I just want to share with you my past experiences in life. And I really do hope that you have learned something from what I have written here. Thanks so much for reading.....til my next article.....bye for now and keep safe always 🤗☺️🥰