While the cigarette goes out

It's hard for me to think about so many things, but even when I don't want to, I have to. These are not the hours to be out of the house, at least that's what my parents said when I was a kid. Unbelievable that these are the calmest hours of the day, I guess the insecurity wasn't as great as they expected.

How did it come to this? Well, my plans weren't what I wanted, I'm still brave for admitting it, but given the circumstances, I don't see any other option. It would hurt me more to see myself as that stiff who is leaving his office right now; he has no life, but is happy when his check arrives, to pay off the debts he gained for that silly executive car.

Look at that homeless guy, he has nothing, but I've seen him smile more times since I've been here smoking than I've seen anyone smile before. He clearly has nothing, but he has a very peculiar concept of life. When he stops having to eat, he will continue his wanderings and go in search of something to fill his stomach.

Whether I am guilty, it will never be known, it doesn't really matter because what I can say to defend myself will only sink me deeper and deeper. Power stuff, what can I tell you. In the end it's not like I can be as special as I once thought I was.

There are things that are out of our control, *sigh*, anyway, seriously I won't be long, let me reflect some more my friend.

From here you can see the school where I studied, it's still the same neutral place where everyone gathered to learn, education really saved lives in this neighborhood, they traded guns for books, and at least we have something to brag about, and not complain that there are drug addicts stalking the area, at least not those of our generation.

Want a cigarette too? No? No, that's fine. Yeah, you're right, they're not good for the lungs. It's ironic, I hated those who smoked when I was a kid, but I get to thinking a little, maybe those I saw were the bad guys, but anyway, why think about it, if none of them are here anymore, not even that monster who beat my mother.

So much to process, for such a short time, I really analyze myself, and maybe I am not as bad as many see me, it is a matter of justice. Yes, I didn't do it the best way, I may have hurt many, but it's my way, and no one should argue with my methods.

OH, it's a police patrol, the men of duty, city justice, walking order, and also, a good gang of crooks and thieves, but with a badge to back them up. Those are the ones I am most afraid of, because they are the ones who dispense justice, but only the one they consider just.

The cold of this city is the only thing that makes it special, it seems to freeze the ideas of those who want to harm this small space of life. How many unsolved cases? As long as there is no money, I think there are no priorities, and well, nothing, my friends in the south tell me it is not much different there. We will see when patience runs out, my dear friend.

I have little left? Yes, I know, a deal is a deal, as soon as the cigarette is finished, we will consider our mission over. I just wanted to relax a bit and see the city, it's okay, I'm a man who keeps his word, it's the only thing I have left, and I must keep it intact. But I guess everything has its end, *sigh*, well, it's time, I've finished my cigarette, so it's time to act.

All right my friend Charon, it's my time, I'll jump off this bridge, I'll see you down there, and in your boat we'll continue this conversation.

Lead image by Dima Valkov on Pexels