Void in us.

As I look back how painful it is to grow up without a father, wondering about how things could have been different if he's still with us. I then looked at my younger siblings who are still so innocent to life even as of the moment.

They may be little children when our father died, maybe they didn't experience the pain of losing a loved one in just a snap because they were so playful and still a milk sucker that time.

It makes me wonder how they feel inside now that we can never touch our papa physically or do their memories of papa remained in their heads or just picture dependent?

I was lucky enough I was a matured 12 years old that time with responsibilities on my shoulder as an acting mom when mama wasn't around.

I had so many memories with my father, but how about them?

Do they have something to clasp?

Are they wondering how it feels like to have a father beside them, cheering them, training them, guiding them, protecting them and loving them? I know they do.

I knew they feel envious too sometimes as they witness children holding their fathers hand going to school, playing basketball with their father or even eating out with their whole family.

Do they ever experience getting bullied in school for not having a father growing up?

How having a broken family affected their adolescence?

Does it make them feel like they're less of a person?

Below, I will just write something like imagining things from our youngest perspective.

[A.k.a Medz]


They said my father
 was handsome.

They said my father
 has strong physique.

They said he's tall,
 has full moustache,
 thick brows and manly jaw.

They said my father
 was responsible 
 and a generous man.

They said my father
 was a loving father
 despite being a 
 disciplinarian.

They said my father
 was an ideal husband.

Family as his 
strength and wealth.

They said my father
 has a strong sense
 of humor and 
 was very clever.

They said my father
 was a carpenter,

A laborer, a cook,
 a farmer and a good
 father and a singer.

They said my father 
was a fighter.

Never receding 
to lifes hardship.

Always pressing through
Never quiting.

What are they actually 
Lies or truth?

What They said are
 things I cannot
 confirm nor deny.

Things I just need
 to hear about 
 and let go by

Their moments  can 
 never be mine.

I have no memories
 with my father,

nor pictures with
 him to cling on

To build picture of him
 in my head

I simply listen
 and imagine

8th months old,
 thats how I am 
 when he left us.

So quickly
 and irreversible 
 Can I ever see him again?

I have this void 
 no one can ever fill.

I have questions 
 no one can ever answer.

I have visions
 no one can ever fulfill.

Wondering those why's
 Distressed by what if's

No matter how I feel

God showed me I am whole
 and forever loved.

He cares truly
 and always been there for me
 to experience my kind of peace.

I remember I used to show them pictures of our father numerous times for them to recall what our father's name is, and how he looked like.

Money can never replace the stolen moments they should be having with our father nor can provide us happiness of being cared of by a father. But I know that God let this happen for a reason. He knew we have weaknesses and relying on Him more can make us strong.

I can never fill in what's missing in my siblings lives no matter what I do but I will never get tired of showing them that they're not alone and that they are truly sincerely and greatly loved.

I am actually challenging myself to write everyday despite of how busybee I get and how slow the internet is, as long as I keep pushing through. Thanks for taking time reading my article today. 💕