July 6, 2021
Hi there Mr. K,
How are you?
Do you still remember how we met?
How we first glanced at each other's eyes?
Not knowing what danger will come
Not realizing feelings would glam.
Do you still remember how we have arranged one seat apart in our math class?
How you and I became groupmates for the whole year in MAPEH?
How months just went by so fast?
And we had so many happy memories together?
How we have so much in common?
How I got so nervous during reports?
How you smiled every time and I suddenly calmed myself down?
Do you still remember how endless teasing echoed in our classes?
How we both have flushed cheeks when you're around?
How you tend to be so shy and just looked away when they're unstoppable?
Do you still remember how you played piano and guitar so well?
And I will receive random glances and smiles from you.
I can't help but be amazed by your talents.
What else can you do so perfectly?
Do you still remember how I thought everything's fine?
But as I looked at you, you have her with you.
Do you still remember how you two were so sweet outside our classroom?
They comforted me already as they said she's your girl.
Do you still remember how I avoided you after that?
Your stare, your smiles, your whole presence.
I don't want to ruin a relationship or be the third party.
At a young age I know my priorities, I know where to stand, even if that means killing my own emotions.
How I tend to just be so competitive in many things but my battle with you was the only exemption.
How I chose to hold back and pretended like I had great sleep every night.
Do you still remember how prom became the talk of the institution?
How everyone had a partner beforehand?
How everyone's anticipating we'd go together?
How awkward our talks turned out even about topics that were never about us?
Do you still remember how you stood in front of me so suddenly that night?
How you bravely asked me to dance with you?
How I slowly looked up after realizing someone's familiar aura?
How I got so surprised to see my Prince show up because I haven't seen you around?
How I was so hesitant at first but got hypnotized by your charming smiles.
Do you still remember how I looked so stiff feeling your hand holding mine?
Do you still remember how I kept staring at you as we were dancing because it felt like a dream?
You told me to just focus on us and enjoy the rest of the night as you caress my hair.
How amazingly pain vanished and I leaned my head on your shoulder instead?
You were my first dance and it just felt fine.
I never thought prom night would be that magical.
Do you still remember that our first was our last dance because it's closing time?
It took only maybe about a couple of songs before we bid good nights.
That night, I didn't fall asleep weeping but with a smile on my face.
So many questions kept bothering me.
So many why's and what if's, doubting what will happen tomorrow.
Why you acted that way, why you were so caring but sometimes as if I was invisible.
But thank you, dancing with you felt like it was just us.
Like there was 'us', which felt so genuine but which part was real?
Confusion,
Was it all an illusion?
Are your feelings untrue?
Do you still remember how many days and months teasing became so extreme?
How they listed us as one of the loveteams in our class?
But we never talked about it,
No one admitted it first, and I am not to blame anyone.
Do you still remember how we parted?
We graduated High School and never saw each other in one year but still met each other the next school year in the same Department where I was in College.
Do you remember how we exchanged smiles and hellos?
I still can see that same glance you gave me the first time we met.
Like you were about to say a word but still chose to keep it.
Do you still remember how our batch asked for an update about us?
I gave nothing but a smile because that's the sweetest thing you ever gave me aside from my first dance.
Thank you for the feelings, talks, and experiences I had with you, my so-called TOTGA (the one that got away).
Maybe I was the only one loving, maybe I was the only one hurting, maybe you never knew? maybe I was the only one expecting? or maybe we were just too shy? Maybe it was all a lie? Maybe you're still with her? Maybe you don't like me at all? Maybe it was the wrong timing? Or maybe we're not meant for each other?
The feelings may seem so true to me but if it's for the wrong person then I would rather keep it with myself and will still make a stand of being a "Dalagang Pilipina".
I'm still grateful I met you and I felt the rollercoaster of emotions with you. I can now face the world braver guarding my heart more.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Loving indeed is a choice, I've chosen to take that risk. I let the person get too close to mine and trusting him not to hurt me. Still no regrets even if I cried a lot over a guy for the first time and still choose to fight and continue for the next day.
This is sad but a true statement that I have read before, I forgot where but this is a reminder for everyone to avoid getting hurt so much "never assume unless otherwise stated".
Listen to your parents because they know what's best for their children. They are much more experienced than us and they can see the situations better than the one involved, making decisions merely based on emotions is not suitable. Sometimes not having the chance to entertain love life is the best while you are still a student.
You can always have one true love at the right time, maybe after you find a stable job? maybe while you're in an out of the country trip? Only God knows, just enjoy the process and waiting period. God has set the best story and the best partner for you.
Also, this story will remind you how important communication is if you want a relationship to work. By saying relationship, I am pertaining not only to a romantic kind of relationship but any kind, be it friendship, siblings, parent-child relationship, etc.
PS. This is just another article of me letting out my messy thoughts of the day and reminiscings. I suddenly got the urge to write about my fourth-year High School crush after I accidentally clicked a playlist in Youtube with the songs we have danced together in that prom night.
Is it still a crush if it lasted for years? Do you have a moving-on story even if there wasn't an "us" between you two?
Who else can relate? Let me know in the comments.😊
Thank you for reading.
I love it!!! I could feel how painful that was. Actually, I also had a crush before and I had a crush on him since I was in kindergarten. HAHA :D Ang aga lumandi at nagka crush nuh? LOL :D When we were in highschool, we started to keep in touch and became text mates. But fast forward, he courted my best friend and they got together instead of me. Turned out he actually just befriended me to get close to my bestfriend. It sucks. But now, I am happy with who I am with. I guess, most of us really have painful stories with our first loves. haha :D