My Valentine's day will always be a gloomy day.

It has been more than a decade since dad passed away. Sixteen years to be exact, I still find myself grieving, fighting with the pain.

I guess it is true that you will never get over it, the pain of losing a loved one will always be there. That you will just learn how to live with it through time.

It's just a day to go before Valentine's day. The official day that I used to be happy, excited with my family. When we're eating lunch together during Valentine's day, dad will always greet us with warm smiles asking and teasing us about our Valentino or Valentina.

Valentino or Valentina is the first person outside your household that smiled at you on Valentine's day. And you have to make that day special or memorable for him/ her too by doing good and simple things to that person.

Be it giving them some presents or offering a helping hand to whatever they're doing.

I remember giving a chocolate roll to my grade 3 male classmate who used to bully me with my surname. It felt great, after that he became my playmate during recess.

Sometimes the tricky part was what if you are not actually on good terms with your Valentino. Maybe that's how it makes sense, to show some love, do something good for them, even just for once.

I don't know, I didn't fancy researching about Valentino and Valentina thing. Maybe my dad just made up the rules maybe he was so obsessed with Valentine's day. All I knew is that my father was a very expressive person. He likes writing letters and saying what's in his mind or what he feels.

Valentine's day is one of the days that I was so excited to celebrate. I mean, aside from Christmas, it's when most people even just passing by are always wearing a smile. Showing affection to their loved ones on that special day.

I remember how girls on our campus got so overwhelmed when they received bouquets from their partners but most singles are the real deal. They count couples in public places during heart's day. They are more joyful because they don't need romantic partners to feel happy about life. They create their own happiness. I mean, Valentine's are not just for couples. We can show some love every day not just on Valentine's day.

Everything was so perfect until when father died on exactly Valentine's day last 2006.

I will just make a separate article of "how my father died" when I was twelve. I want to write it down soon, I will just save some more courage to do so.

After my father left us for good, I found myself so disheartened to do the things that I really want to do and things that I used to do, including writing and singing. I develop traumas, even riding a motorcycle scares me.

Valentine's day used to be so special and a happy day for me but now it's like a mourning day. I can't even post-death anniversary captions on my social media(is that really a special day to celebrate? Anniversary of the dead?).

Dad, I remember you, always. Not just when the day you died. Not just on Valentine's day.

I cannot emphasize enough how painful that was, to witness how his last moments were and to hear his voice the last time.

When I think of Valentine's day, all I can see is my father's face. No matter how much I focus on the present and be excited for tomorrow, Valentine's day seems like dragging me back to that same scenario when dad died.

I am currently learning to overcome my traumas with the help of the people around me. Especially to the most patient one, my love.

Thanks for reading my article.

I will be fine soon, life is more beautiful if we experience both the good and the bad feelings. It will make us stronger and braver to face the other day.