How glad I am to have him

At your lowest, it'll really reveal who your friends are.

This saying for me is appropriate, although instead of friends, I can relate this with everyone in my life, not just the mere "friends".

I know that life is never a fairytale but it's crazy how overwhelming life's challenges could be.

I, no matter how much I take care of myself and take my meds and vitamins, have received so many comments recently that I lost so much weight. That I looked stressed and that I am a lady that's looking like I have 10 kids already.

It's funny because I'm hearing the truth from them for the first time. I kept denying that to myself whenever I have to go outside the house and wear my pants. Every cloth I wear looked saggy and they're not my fit anymore.

The things that I don't like hearing are conclusions and side comments about my life now that I am not employed.

I do have extra incomes but they aren't enough to sustain us, siblings. Maybe if it's all for myself then I can just buy what I really wanna wear.

I mentioned before that I longed to be here with my family and that I swallowed my pride not to work here in our place. Pandemic is the reason why I changed my mind. I lost my grandmother last 2020 because of leukemia. The last time I see her was when we had a video call and she was so lively, dancing like there's no tomorrow as she said it was her prod for me. She surprised me with her fried chicken and stir-fried noodles that she cooked for that day-my first pandemic birthday.

It was through video call also that I see her being revived for hours, staffs let us see what was happening because they notified us already about the possibilities. They even called every child of Lola to be there in the hospital.

That I never get to see her again and be there for the rest of the family while grieving. That pain pushed me to go home, that same pain made me value my family even more. To the point that I abuse myself stressing out how to survive: fetch water countless times a day, look for food, cook for them, stock firewood, clean, budget, replenish groceries, anything that builds a house. I always prioritize and think of them more than myself.

Believe me, I am used to doing all household chores and everything but this time it feels exhausting 10,000x. It wasn't my body alone who was drowning in my cell but my mind is what's making it way harder. Overthinking about the what-ifs, the should be, the missed opportunities, the voices of endless comparison with the figurative value of what their daughter/son is earning without me asking them, the insults, unsolicited hateful comments, etc, etc.

I was overwhelmed by the day-to-day tasks around the house. That I never realized how much time I've wasted. I knew what was missing in my life and that's the only way to break the routine.

I am crazy expecting things to turn out well when I don't do anything about the solution I know.

Somehow it dreads me to just be thinking of what I must do "now", the preparations, and also the fear of being rejected because of the big unemployment span.

Everyone showed disgust, laughed silently after the fake " how are you's?", some abandoned you but there is this one person who never left me.

He sticks around even more. He is no other than Jb, my love.

Yesterday he came to our house again although from Friday to Saturday he came over to see me already with limited hours only.

Yesterday we decided to go see the Motoad 2022 in Sorsogon City.

The starting and finish line is in Rompeolas Sorsogon or the so-called Sorsogon Baywalk/pier.

There were almost two thousand participants there and the route covered almost all around the Province of Sorsogon, Philippines.

Jb liked to join there too but some considerations and preparations that made him to withdraw with the idea. Maybe next year we can join the event.

Yes night, we've been there until 9 in the evening. It's quite a record because I've never been this late outside and it felt like I'm a young lady who just learned to go on a date. Haha

We spent hours of meaningful talks and sincere how are you. He never judged me of my stressed looks now but he motivated me to do that first step that dreads me and do necessary adjustments for me to have enough time to do the things that I need.

Ever since, I was the slow or late-bloomer between us two. We graduated with the same course, same academic year but we had different time span and different career path.

I am so grateful to have this support system that never spoils me but made me realize how important it is to have my own backbone and do things on my own.

Before I wrote this article, I already updated my CV and browsed several job portals already but I haven't seen vacancies in my preferred area(near my family for me to still look after them). But if opportunity knocks in another nearby City, I will grab it regardless if I'm a girl.

I am making this decision for myself(for a change) because before I always think of everyone in the household. The needs, the chores, house organization, deadlines of modules, the mini-store but I was wasting my talent. I know I can learn more, I can do both providing and helping around just like before. I just lost the course but somehow I am aligned now and enlightened.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me a guy who's unexpectedly so patient and kind.

He helps me face my fears and push my limits.

How about you? Do you have your constant companion and person to rely on? How did he/she impact your life?

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I would like to thank @JonicaBradley for my sponsorship, this motivates me to write more. I am super grateful❤.