It Will Never Be The Same Again But We Will Still Be As Happy As Before

This is the motto that always pops in my head whenever I remember my mother. It all started when we lost her. I was just talking to myself as if I'm crazy and thought of that while remembering my mom.

Telling that we will never be the same again.

"Someone is already missing".

"Someone is gone".

We can never bring back those times but those memories will never be forgotten with her. It will always be cherished.

Family Grief

Yes, I am still grieving but slowly recovering. Some might not understand what I am feeling right now. They don't know how hard to accept that she was gone that fast. She was ok that morning and all the while, she was gone that evening. It was hard to accept but we are fighting and praying.

I know my family is still grieving but we somehow hide it from each other. What we saw from each other is a strong person talking about other stuff. It was just a normal conversation everyday but I know when it comes to my mothers experienced, we all became weak. I know for myself how shallow I am when it comes to laughter and tears. I know that if my mother will be the topic, about what she experienced before her death, I know I will cry especially when someone will start to cry. That is why I don't listen as much as possible when it is the topic. I will just remember it again and again. If I will have to reminisce my mother, it will be the happy moments at home with me and with us.

I remember when my father and my two brothers were drinking wine and their topic was my mother and my younger brother started crying. He thought that his tears were all gone but he can't help it. He thought he has overcome the tears. But for me, it was healthy that my brother tells what he feels and that he is not hiding her emotions. It is good to cry. To release any sadness that he feels from our mothers loss.

Reminiscing Her

Inside our house, our mother is not always the topic but she will be part of the topic any moment.

Like when eating, we don't know what food to cook for lunch. Before, it was my mother who decides and think what to cook again. She always says "I don't know what to cook". It was not our problem. But now, it's my father who decides and it was his turn to decide. Maybe he realized now how hard it was like to be a mother.

She is best when it comes to household chores, like laundry, cooking, buying stuffs at home and cleaning the toilet. Now, my father is the one who cooks most of the time but my sister or brother does that too if my father is tired. I do the laundry sometimes manually, but most of the time, it was my brother who washed our clothes using the washing machine.

We also remembered her when it comes to our small business, our "sari-sari" store. We continue with this because I know my mom wants us to continue with this business. Before, she is the one who decides what to buy first, what items are already bought and need to be replaced. She knows how to budget the money. We also have electronic load. Now, we help each other with regards to budgetting the money from the store. It was my mom's duty before.

I don't know how my mother does everything at home and its almost perfect and it was hard for us to move everyday without her. We didn't know those hardships she does everyday for us until she was gone and now, we realized how grateful we are for having a mother like her.

Yes, it will never be the same again. I remember her when I go to places where we used to go together. One time, me and my sister-and-law process the death insurance of my mother and when we went home, we dropped by a mall and I remembered my mother. We always go there before every payday to eat or buy something. Even when my son came, we still went to malls even it was very seldom just to stroll and eat.

Even when I go to market and buy groceries alone, I remembered her giving me the lists of what to buy before going and I always said that I will not buy all of those. I will just buy what my budget can but in the end, I will still buy most of the things she listed.

It will never be the same again. We can still laugh and cry but its not the same as before. I remember not just the happy moments but also the sad ones. It is normal to have misunderstanding in the family like when my mother and father fights and it will never happen again. But we will missed that too.

My mother is the one who comes in between my father and I whenever we fight about my partner. My father cannot accept my boyfriend because he is married though separated but I hope this time, he will change. That he can accept our relationship slowly. I hope I will also change. I don't know what will happen if we fight again. Now that my mother is gone to stop us. To control us.

It will never be the same again. Whenever I am sick and though I am too old, she still worries about me as if I'm like a baby. I have also someone to assist me when my son is sick. It is true that mothers touch is healing. Whenever she comforts me, I felt healed. That is why I am doing it to my son when he is sick or not. I am always here for him. I hope my son is always healthy. That my whole family is healthy.

I knew my brother will missed those times when my mother worries about him everytime he went home late. She will call him from time to time if he does not answer her calls. And also, if my brother drinks inside the village only with his friends and he has work the next day, my mother will go to his friends house to tell him to go home. My brother was irritated when my mother does that but she was just worried and I know my brother will missed that.

We will also missed every occasions like birthday celebrations in the family or within our relatives that we have to go to their house to eat and celebrate. It will never be the same again because she will never be there. Even in summer outings and she always wants to go swimming in far places. Even we don't want to go because its far, we still go because its for the kids happiness and my mom wants to have fun, too.

I knew that we will still be as happy as before. We just don't know when. I just pray that we will all be healthy everyday and be safe and to have a long long life in earth. It is hard and painful when someone passed away. It is an unexplainable feeling that will always makes you cry and cry even you are not physically hurt. I hope everything will be okay. That Covid will be gone away. I hope every family who also experienced what we have will recover fast. That they will experience happiness too in the future.

Let us always enjoy moments with our mother. With our family and friends. Take care of our health because our family depends on one another.

Hope you enjoy this article of mine. Thank you CryptoMax for the sponsorship. Happy reading!!