Yesterday was a stressful day for me. Aside from the fact that it was Monday and I have work at night, I also enxuntered a lot of stress at home.

I cannot explain clearly but I was about to cry. I wanted to shout. I don't know how I'm feeling. I am not comfortable with how I felt. A lot of things were going on my mind.

He Was Totally Not In The Mood

There are times that I self-pity. A good example was yesterday. My father was not totally in the mood. He just got angry with us or anything we did made him irritated.

One day, he told us to buy ingredients to cook for merienda but there were some ingredients that were not available. He was mad because he was expecting that he can cook it already for us. It did not happen because of lack of ingredients.

Then he also told my sister to chat our neighbor thru Facebook for a whole chicken for our dinner. It will serve as credit and will pay it on payday.

But when my father asked where is the chicken, my sister said that the seller did not reply but actually, my sister forgot to send a message. My father got mad and he said that how can we have dinner if we have no food.

He was so mad and his face looks so angry. I know that he wants to cook for our dinner so that my brother will have delicious food when he got home from work. He went to his room with bad mood.

My sister just asked my neighbor who was going to market that time to bought fresh chicken. Then my sister cooked "tinola" for us but when she asked my father how much chicken will she cooked, my father madly answered that he did not know.

My sister just cooked all the chicken but I knew she was upset with how my father reacted on her.

How He Felt

I am upset too with my father on why he was in a bad mood. I just told my sister that maybe he has no money. He cannot do what he wants to do.

But I also asked myself. Do I really know how he felt that moment?

Maybe he was so upset with how things were going on with our lives. That he is now a mother and father in one. That his responsibility becomes bigger and unexpected at a glance.

Unlike before that he was not thinking on what to eat, what to cook because my mother does it all when she was alive. He just cooked when my mother does not know how.

Thats is why 7 months after my mother died, but still he is on the stage of moving on. But I know that he can do it.

I may not be close to my father even until now but I can say that I got worried on him too. Especially whenever he is drunk.

He almost got drunk once or twice a week. When my mother was still alive, my mother was always there to wait for him to got home and make coffee for him. She always got worried on us when we went home late.

I also noticed that whenever my father was drunk before, he would still talk to my mother about his sentiments within the family and mostly about me. There were things that he always said about me which until now is something I cannot forget. I do forgive him for I know I also made sins to him. A sin of being not being close to him. Now, he cannot talk to us about how he was. Maybe, while drinking with his friends, it was the time where he can speak out to them.

I also got worried at him because most of the time, he is just inside his room. I don't know what he thinks and feels everytime he is inside. Maybe there are times he is sad still remembering my mother. He is used in watching videos and movies in his mobile phone to make him at ease.

My Final Say

Sometimes I am tired even without doing anything physically. I am tired emotionally. A lot of things were stuck in my mind. It is better to be tired physically because a little rest will make it gone but being emotionally tired is different. It affects one's mental health.

We all have our ups and downs in life. If someone is happy and we are not, we just need to think that our time will come too for us to be happy.

Happy reading everyone!!