Have you ever liked someone but decided to not confess until you just moved on on your own?

Well, I did. 😅

So here's the story...

Back in my freshman year in college, I am in a relationship - long distance, he was in Canada and I'm in the Philippines. So, like any common long distance relationship goes, ours didn't work out and we decided to call it off. (Though, I think we still have feelings with each other but the distance was just making it hard to work out so... yeah!)

The sad thing about it is that I haven't even told any of my friends (mostly our common friends and former classmates when he still lived here) that we're over right away (BTW we broke up in December so my Christmas was lonely then lol). I just kept my broken heart a secret, so it was very hard honestly but I endured it alone. (Apparently, I am SO secretive so I don't really usually open up to people 'bout my problems and dramas)

Fast forward to February, the day before Valentine's day to be exact, my college friends (the single troupe) decided to have a drinking party! I was so in because nothing heals a broken heart like alcohol does, right?

Like normal Filipino drinking party, we talked about our dramas in life, we sing while one of our friend play the guitar, you know, just chilling. Until I was handed my first glass of gin, my hidden pain just burst out. (I can't handle gin very well, so I was pretty drunk that night)

You know how it went: me, weeping like a mad woman, complaining about this and that, and saying things like "All boys are jerks" while downing a bottle of gin.

I remember kicking my friend who was playing the guitar because he sang my ex's and mine's "theme song" to tease me further. And there is this guy, at that time I didn't really consider him as a friend yet, but recently I have been noticing him frequently looking at my way, just - you know, seems like he was interested in me. (But I'm not really sure, maybe I'm just so full of myself at that time lol).

Like, in class, he usually come and talk to me, saying nice things about me - you know... just, you know! Not just for the sake of being nice but-you get the idea! But since I was still fresh from a break up that time so I didn't really even care.

So back to the drinking party...

He was sitting beside me, rather, I sat beside him before the drinking start because I know he likes music as I do (I sing sometimes, and he play guitar sometimes). So we were singing along, until I got drunk, and he was really sweet towards me. He tried to prevent me to drink any more since I was already really drank but our friends insisted so I could spilk the beans for them. So I did.

I don't remember the finest details after that, but I know that that guy stayed beside me and just listened to me all night and just comforted me silently. Our other friends were knocked out, except us and few of our other friends who didn't drink.

We talked all night and grew closer to each other, and I thought that time that he's really a good guy and I want him to be my best friend!

Morning came and we dealt our hang overs in Valentine's day. (We slept the whole day😂)

From then on, this guy got closer to me. Few months passed and we seemed like best friends. We usually meet outside the school, coming up silly excuses just to see each other. Like when he asked me if I could do a hole in his ear even though he won't wear an earing on it, just curious how it feels when you pierced an ear - he said.

At some point, I realized that I liked the guy. But I was really in doubt that time because maybe I am just under an illusion because he was giving me comfort while I was getting through from a break up.

But, nowadays, I know what I felt then was real.

I did liked the guy.

But I chose not to tell it.

Why?

Well, all I could think of is not I am not stable enough to have him. And I thought that maybe I would just hurt him and we wouldn't work out anyway.

So I ran away and dated another jerk of a guy. (Although, it wasn't serious)

Because of that, he kinda distanced himself, and I thought, at some point I hurt and disappointed him.

I was disappointed with myself as well.

But, I didn't really regret not telling him that I liked him. Because, in the first place... he was just being nice.

Indeed, I am just too full of myself that time.

P.S.

I moved on, btw and currently in a good relationship with a great guy! 😊❣️