The marriage if greed

In about twelve years ago, I knew a man whose wife was almost rejected by her families because of her proposal to marry him. They believed she was insane because both had nothing. They were both fresh graduates at the time almost at zero level.

She told me what she cherished in him: Islam and most especially his voice while reciting Qur'an and leading people in prayers. Despite all resistance, she agreed to marry him. What do we think her dowry would be from such a wretched but brilliant, ambitious and futuristic mallam? A cassette record of some of her favourite selected chapters in the Qur'an in the man's voice! That was it. They got marry in a room without any colourful merry and public invitation. Where was the money? I saw their suffering and smiling for years. Today, they are well off and better. They are prides of their entire families at both sides.

Such was the marriage yesterday. They were enduring and lasting for thirty, forty, fifty years. Ladies used to believe in the future of a poor hard trying man and would agree to grow with him. They actually liked to build the future with him together than to live with him for the future he already built. That was true love. Those marriages testified to what the messenger of Allah said:

*“There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.”(ibn majah)*

Today is a different age. Marriage no longer endures. Some even lasts as too long as less than three months! True love had died and decayed in most marriage-seeking minds.

They are setting a different standards of greeds. Money and materialism are the major and primary catalysts of love in the contemporary era in deviance and deviation to the counsel of Islam

The messenger of Allah said: *when the one to whom you are pleased with his religion and character approaches you, marry to him*

Where are golds and diamonds mentioned here?

And when he said: *people marry women for four things: her money, her beauty, her families and her religion*, he gave his own recommendation: *hold on to the one who has religion lest your hand be robbed with dusts (lose out)*

Religion is the primary criteria for marriage for Muslim men and women. Out of our insincerity and hypocrisy, it is sad many of us seek evils in our thinking that it is good.

I recall a Muslim father who fought his daughter over her insistence to use full hijab. His argument was simply that no lady uses such hijab except she ends up with a man with a beard and off-ground hanging trousers. How does this kind of dressing appeal to good men? I did not train you to be a University graduate to end up with an alfa!

Surprisingly, an alfa with the exact 'acursed' descriptions came to propose the sister and the father agreed. Why? The brother was domiciled in UAE and had plenty money to dole out to the in-laws. The nikkah arrangement was as fast as flash. Even without his physical presence and full knowledge of his personality, the father gladly approved the marriage!

This hypocrisy must be a serious concern to discerning minds. This underlines the cause of repeated marriage failures in our time. Muslim homes are breaking more easily in our society than the eggs hitting the rock. Young muslim couples now visit courts for separation more frequently than we used to hear. Talaaq (divorce) is becoming a norm and even a pride among Muslim couples. There is need for reeducation and reorientation.

Materialistic tendency is taking sway above love among the single sisters.

Brothers at home seldom get a lover until they propose from abroad even sometimes to the same sisters who had earlier rejected their proposals while they were at home on a pretext that they were not ready. Some even accepted and later jilted when a bigger cash-cow comes onboard!

They say: 'I never had a feeling for him. I was only trying to do but it didn't come. The more I tried the more difficult it was for me to develop one'!!! What? And they don't return exchanges.

Sisters tell hustling brothers they weren't ready until they later declare their readiness when the brother gets an appointment with NNPC or to another who has just arrived big time!

Well, an average man is selfish. Sisters may fear suffering like their parents did. But they may never have happy homes like their parents had. This is not a curse. Everything founded on the love of money and duniya does not end well. Why the domestic violence, beatings, killings, incessant divorce and sudden acts of infidelities we hear about on daily basis among young Muslim spouses. It is because the criteria for modern marriages is self-centred. Today's lady now makes as their dowry 'promise you will never marry another woman'!

Unbelievable!!

Then what? What if you get the promise and the man himself dies shortly after the marriage, what becomes of you? Who again do you commit to that promise? The new husband if you are lucky to get one again?!

These kiddies need to be lent some senses. You can't go by what you learnt in Nollyhood films or what trends in the society. Be a Muslim. You will always be happy and fine.

Money is a stranger. It can come and go. The prophet listed it as part of what people may consider for marriage but never recommended it. He recommended God consciousness and the true faith practice of man.

Whoever chooses well and sees good should thank Allah for her good decision. Whoever chooses wrongly and sees regrets should blame no one but herself. Not all the wives of rich men are happy but certainly the wives of God fearing would ever be happy even if she is poor. This is so because she would always finds in her spouse what she married while the former may no longer do so due to circumstances.

No money no love should not begin an enduring marriage. Sisters should put religious consciousness and career future of a dedicated and sincere suitor in focus. The future is not today.

If ladies are not ready to struggle with a man before he would make it, they must prepare to struggle with his character after he had made it.

Our parents had no serious religion but they had serious contentment. They married their men as fate not their fortune as their men.

True love is hardly known or found when proposal is made from abroad or in affluence. And sadly it is the trend now. Men too should know how to hide their wealth and big status to find the true love. Time of proposal is not the time to flaunt bounties.

The one who marries you in poverty would not kill you because of materialism if attempting polygamy or forsake you for a rich man when hard times come calling.

Meanwhile, a proposal with no might and means is a self-affliction. It is better for such single brothers to keep marrying their prayer and fasting till Allah would enrich them.

*Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast for it will diminish his desire (ibn majah)*

Consequently, the spinsters should realize that no suitor with understanding of Islam and enormity of the marital responsibility would propose except that he has manageable means. Once the religion and morality standards are satisfactory, accept and say blessings. You would thank Allah for your decision.

May Allah rectify us and the affairs of the Muslims.