my mom experienced her relationship with my father
My mother decided to go with my father as "Tanan". when "Tanan" was still a trend in the Philippines. For a long time, The woman will go with the man to leave and when they return they will get married or they will have to be together as a couple. *even if a woman has se* with a man when the parents find out, they will get married right away. it seemed like a mortal sin to be with and lay aside sleeping with men then*. Just like my mom and dad did.
When my mama's family found out they were all angry to my mama especially my grandmother, Not just slap, pinch, hair tweak but also unkind words made from my grandmother and her siblings. They asked why she had do that. the only answer of my mama back then was because she liked my father.
Mama and tatay have become a couple, at first my father promised everything for my mama and they were happy as a couple of years And they had three children. My father used to have a habit of cigarrete and drinking and it's okay with my mama because he can provide for the needs of mama and my siblings. because my grandfather used to have lands, his land was vast and that's where my grandfather grew up and that's what they used to do to plant rice. *My father didn't go to school since he was a child , they didn't prioritize studying before because they had to walk a long way to school. they only had something to eat three times a day, it was okay with them.*
My grandfather died, and my father's habit of drinking and smoking with his brother got worse. And they both also love cockfighting and gambling The reason for the gradual disappearance of my grandfather's lands that they were selling. That's why we're struggling.
My dad has become even more toxic, because of his drinking habit he leaves my mom at home alone and he stays at night whenever he wants. One day my mama will give birth to their four children but he is not our home he is enjoying at the fiesta in another village while drunk. My aunts only told me about that. *btw*, *mama just gave birth at home, they know an albularyo and that's the one who gave birth to mama, We are all six siblings. three girls and three boys and I was the fifth. we were all born in help of albolaryo, thats my mama! Shes strong!*
And as i was remeber at a young age im finding myself crying all the time at night because my mom and dad were fighting. I've been realized, my father always drinks and he is shouting outside of our house, he is always looking for an enemy even though he doesn't have an enemy. And every time that happens I'm always nervous. i think i'm used to him doing that because my two sisters are just quiet when he shouts outside.
I disturbed my sleep everynight at a young age when my mom and dad were fighting, my two eyes could see how he hurt my mom, I saw him tweaking my mom's hair and he was holding a sanduko to scare my mom, And mama also fights him, but the way he hurts mama is really different. he also always threatened my mom that he would throw her out the windoww, *our house before have a pallet with a bamboo ladder.so our window is a bit high*. When they quarrel with my mother, he always holds the sanduko and to scare her, *sanduko is using grass mowing on the paddy embankment.* That’s not all my mom experienced with him much more.
The reason why they always fight is that my father is always in debt. and mama is the one he confronts his debts. And he gets angry when mama complains about what he's doing. It's just like that over and over again at home, my daily routine, I guess that night I begged them. Because when my brothers begged them, he will fight also my brother because they are on mama's side. Their fight would only end when he was tired of shouting. And he sleeps well. But my mom always lacks sleep and cries before going to sleep. In the morning, mama would fight with him again and they would fight again. I was getting to the point then that when he was drunk when he came home I always prayed, over and over again that they would not fight with mama. Sometimes my prayer works but sometimes it doesn't, I still wake up that they are already fighting. ***My Mama teaches us to pray at night even though she is tired from work during the day - she never forgets to pray at night.***
As long as when my father drinks, he and mom will definitely fight at night. My antes and uncles all know that my father hurts my mama but it seems like none of them. They couldn’t even tell my father not to hurt my mama and it hurts me as I write this now. I couldn't do anything then because I was still young and I could only cry without being able to stop their fight. We asked them why they didn't want to tell my father, why they were doing that to us because they didn't want to get involved in mama and tatay trouble because mama and my father said it was their own problem.
mama once thought of committing suicide using a filtilizer in the paddy field, she would drink that she should but it was good thing that my second brother saw her and stopped her.
Growing up that was the situation at our home I always saw mama crying. And it hurts me every time I see her cry. But I couldn’t do anything because I was also scared at the times they were fighting. As we grow older, they don't get hurt much anymore but they still fight through words. and we will never let him hurt my mama again.
**The effect it has on our children** they have is different. The eldest of our siblings did not stay at home and learned to drink at an early age, he almost did not want to study because of our father's habit and also because of a friend, and our school is far from our house. My second brother also stopped studying but he does not drink alcohol other than our eldest. because my father was always drunk and my two brothers were sometimes made to work on our farm.
Mama does everything for our children, from eating, to cleaning the house and working to make money and we need money for school, And we are his children whom he always rebukes. All my father did was drink, gamble and work in our paddy field.
- I remember then that I was in grade 3, and my mom was very happy with me Because I was 1st honor in our school. she did everything so, she could make money and she could buy me a new dress for my graduation. I remember she didn't ask to my father because they would just fight over it. She was working in the paddy field so she could buy my clothes. and until now it still our home and I will never give it away or throw it away because my mother worked so hard for it. Mama always tells the three of us to study hard because that's all she can give us and others will never get it. She always guided us to study well, Even the difficulty of our situation at home because our light was kengki with gas inside.
Source : **kengki** **-** That was the trend then and we used while studying. https://www.facebook.com/100053283914297/posts/380317543754373/?app=fbl
My MOM! did everything for all of us!
One day my mom got sick, we find out she has breast cancer and it's stage 4. My mother hide it from us, until The lump has grown and could no longer bear the pain she was carrying. But we tried to give her medicine, Back and forth to the hospital and her chemo. but it was too late. Cancer Already spread inside to her body and heart 😢💔. We lost her, shes died 😢.
I always blame my father if he hadn't been vicious, if he hadn't been fighting with my mama, if he had just been a good father for us mama wouldn't have disappeared so early. she wouldn't have hidden her true feelings . And he is the husband of my mother and he didnt know that my mother Had lump on her chest.
When my mama died, i rarely went home. my siblings have their own families as well, me and the youngest one are the only ones who don't have. So I don't want to go home anymore because everyone is flashback in my mind everytime i stay in our house. but every time I see him when I go home I still feel sorry for him. I still give him money so he can buy what my brother and him need, he is still my father and I can't do anything about that, he gave me life in this world and I feel that's all I owe to him. because my mama pursued our schooling so that we could at least finish high school..
**Closing thoughts**
**To my mom:**
IM SO VERY PROUD TO YOU MA! that even though You having a hard time, that even though you coudnt handle the hardship, you still hasn't left us, you still fed us, you didn't even allow us to be a broken family,You accepted all the pain just for the sake of our family, you still did not abandon us. YOU ARE A PERFECT MOTHER I EVER HAD, NO ONE CAN REPLACE YOU IN MY MIND NAD IN MY HEART If only I could give back, I would have given back to you all your sacrifices for us, I would also do everything to make you HAPPY, to make you feel how much we value you as our mother, how much we love you and how lucky i am that i having a mother like you. If only I could return it mama. if you just come back! I still need you ma, until now I still need you in my life.!
To my father :
"I LOVE YOU AS A FATHER BUT, I DONT WANT A HUSBAND LIKE YOU."
Youre a selfish father, you never thought about our future as your children. If others see that I have a father but, I can't feel that I have a father because mama all hinted that, all I can see is a man who puts his vices ahead of his own family.
***
**Something Change** https://read.cash/@Sensaii/something-change-6f98bed0
**Reminisceng my ex :Past Relastionship** https://read.cash/@Sensaii/reminiscing-my-ex-past-relationship-88436ea4
Something Change
Simple dimple, pop it
Simple dimple, pop it
Simple dimple, pop it (Ha)
Sim, sim, sim-sim-sim-sim
Simple dimple, pop it
Simple dimple, pop it
Simple dimple song lyrics https://www.facebook.com/109730274098890/posts/355415009530414/
Its my morning tiktok mood hahaaha. When I hear this song, I shake my little booty 🤧and if i dance i get some energy to move, all day. And it helps me to move so, I can cook our breakfast but i need Drink water first and make a yummy coffee to my fav cup charr.
Btw, im going somewhere. I go to the market, just to buy dried fish and vegetables that I will use to cook pochero because that is our dish for lunch.
So this is what I bought.
The dried fish I fry every morning and I pair it with egg and sometimes choriso and margoso. Just anything that can be eaten every morning.
Before anything else let me cook pochero first.
I cooked my pochero first, before I started my topic. So you saw earlier the vegetables I buy, pechay, potatoes, squash, and saba banana. The banana are not in the picture but I put saba banana To make it taste better. That’s what I put on the pig’s foot. And now, i forgot to buy corn! I forgot the corn grr! Highs, if you know how to cook, you already know what the procedure is. Hihi
Delicious to combine petchay with ripe banana, with pork leg, the broth will be even sweeter. And you will be able to eat a lot of rice when you cook it delicious . Burrp! Burrp! Okay im full. Im done eating of my lunch lets go to my topic.
Before I left the house , of course, I ware a facemask and face shield, which is still required here with us, because until now there are still more people getting covid in our area because of the reprimanding people. Even when getting vaccinated, many people don't want to get vaccinated because they believe in the spreading chismiss that when you get vaccinated you will die after 2 years or maybe you will become a zombie hahaha. when the vaccine comes for teen-agers like me im sure i will get the vaccine. .
when I'm going to the market, my habit is really not to bring a cellphone, because I can relax more when I don't have a cellphone. You know senti senti sa trycycle hahaha And look around the road if i see a handsome Charot. I've been breathing fresh air. since the pandemic, I rarely go out of the house and i only go out when I have something to buy. shops, houses, markets, cellphone games, house cleaning and social media are just my daily routine. Since I'm dizzy with my cellphone, I grab the oppurtunity not to use my cellphone when I go out,
**I saw many changes :**
there are no more students waiting on the road to take the car/trycycle to school. Sometimes, I even get ahead of them on the trycycle when I'm going somewhere.
I don't even see old people on the side of the road exercising or we're on the road.
There are also no children who ask me for five pesos or some money near the computer. There are really many children who used to be scattered here on the road even in those who sell peanuts, you can see them. But now you are rarely seen and wearing a mask.
there are also very few vehicles passing by our house, That traffic used to catch you when you go out. But now I don't see any traffic because maybe there are only a few people traveling. - And even though my fare has increased on the trycycle which I used to pay only 8 pesos or 10 pesos, but now it's 20 pesos because they can't ride many people on their trycycle, they only have one passenger so that the virus doesn't spread immediately.
The veggies I bought are expensive, almost all the goods are expensive. Because of what is happening now.
All stores with plastic air covers. Not to put plastic in their goods, all that will be closed and that is the order of the government here with us.
And every night. It's only eight o'clock when all the shops are closed, you can't find any shops that are open and you can't go out. But before anytime you can go out, anytime you want. If you're hungry, just go to 7, eleven and buy but now, you're almost scared to go out. all you can see are guards watching outside.
I'm writing this now because I miss the past, the past I used to move. I hope everything goes back to normal. I don't know if it makes sense i write but, this is the only thing I can write so far.
I would like to thank you for reading and appreciating my first ever article reminiscing my ex: Past Relationship https://read.cash/@Sensaii/reminiscing-my-ex-past-relationship-88436ea4
I will try to make another valuable article. Thank you. 💞
Reminiscing my ex : Past Relationship
this is probably my first article here@Read.Cash contribute. I can say that i did well. Hahaha please bear with me because I'm not good at English.
While i was cleaning my important things in my cabinet i saw my ex gave me. and suddenly flashback to me our memories.
I met him on facebook, I was only 17 at that time. His name is rj, He chatted me and he said "hi" because he's handsome in his profile picture, I also talked to him hehe, I thought we would only talk that day and suddenly he would disappear in my messenger. but it wasn't. I was wrong, we keep talking everyday and he always updates me on what he's doing, sends me a photo, (he's the one doing that I'm shy type on camera before because I'm ugly. 🤣) he also calls me since the load was still trendy before and video call is not used much.
Through months our talk and calls he courted me through chat, and its okay for me because im shy to him***.*** But for him its different. After a few months that he court me, he decided that we would meet, Because I'm really shy of him of course I didn't agree. ***I still remember im going to the mall that day, im in the mall btw, since his boarding house was near to that mall. I text him that I was at the mall that day. He reply to me: really? Wait, I'm going there, wait for me in 5 minutes . I was so nervous I thought he was just joking that he was going. he text me again I'm already here at the mall where are you? I reply I'm at the playground sa WOF, Since we haven't even met yet, I waited for him because I wanted to see him in person. I saw him going inside of WOF but I was just outside of the WOF na parang wala lang hahaha and then I saw him as he was looking for someone, pero ako hindi gumagalaw sa labas ng wof. Since I didn't want to show up to him I told him that I wasn't really at the mall and I was just joking. and i see his face so very disappointed i feel like i have conscience but i really don't want to talk to him in person that day so i just let him know if he leaves in the wof or not, he text me again na pagalit saying na ano ba yan pumunta pa naman ako ng mall akala ko totoo na,*** ***pag ikaw talaga makita ko lagot ka sakin.***
But when I got home I admitted to him na, I was at the mall and I saw him I even told him the color of the tshirt he was wearing, I also explained that I was shy to him and im not ready to talk to him in person. Day by day he always says he wants to see me. he always teases me as Madaya because I've seen him and I still don't want to show him. .
He is forcing me to see him for a while. Sabi niya :*Kahit sandali lang daw magkita lang kami kahit umuwi ako kaagad kasi feeling niya daw natatakot ako sa kanya, pero nag joke rin ako sa kanya na baka ikaw yung matakot sakin kasi ako yung mukhang momo kasi pangit ako.* and then he told me that " If I answer yes to his courtship he wants me to say personally " *kilig na kilig ako dito eh na* *kinakabahan acck!* And I also decided to talk to him because I also want him eme,But I told him I was really just a moment hindi ko rin alam kung bakit siguro kasi hindi ako sanay. Haha
I met him in a mall, Those with seats in the middle of the mall then on the side you can order and eat, That's where we met. at first I was really shy to him. He came to the mall first, and then when I arrived I immediately looked for him, he's handsome shit! even if he was wearing a simple tshirt and shorts then, his hair suited him. he didn't see me but I saw him and I don't know if I will continue to meet him that day. haha im so very nervous I just dared myself to sit in the other chair in front of him, I was very nervous. And he looked at me immediately. When I sat down, I covered my face with my hair hahaha I don't care if I look crazy there but that's what I really did. and then he was just staring at me smiling and talking to me (para siyang may kausap na baliw doon 🤧). Then he joked with me. When I was okay He asked me if I want food, I said I was full and I was only here for a while and he agreed. I talk to him oh what? Is that okay? you have seen me. you have seen how ugly I am. he just said you're not ugly you just say that to yourself. while smiling at me.
He want to put my hand on the table he said "put your hand here I want to see" I was surprised but I followed him. When I put my hand on the table, he suddenly touched it and took my hair from my face. And I froze at that moment, so embarrassed ays, because I felt like someone was looking at us because there were still a lot of people in the mall. I immediately took my hand but he wouldn't let go. He was holding his hands to my hands and I did nothing. I just said I'll be home soon he said just wait a minute and then he asked me what was my answer to his courtship and I said YES. I see to his face that he shocked and he smiled even more at me so that I can't no longer stare at him eye to eye gosh! Yung hiya ko umaatake nanaman hahaha And he said is it true? I couldn't believe it, and he tightened his grip on my hand. When i was my way home he had a friend pass by us and looked at us and he introduced me as his girlfriend, i was so shocked that he did that, the girl smiled at me and left i smiled too but im shy again because do you think he has a girlfriend who is ugly like me. Hays i have mix emotions at those times. he is so handsome (*for me guys he is handsome*) and then he was friendly pa, he played badminton at their school while me I was just a simple girl, Ugly, no talent, dumb,useless, not sexy, etc. I think I have all the bad luck in the world. But he still made me feel like he wanted me. So my feeling toward him bigger and bigger the way he takecare of me. i feel I liked him even more. What I liked about him was not only because he was Handsome, but he had a good mindset. he talks well, he knows what to do in life, he has a goal, he is good at everything, he tells me everything about him and he loves his mom very much. "Mama's boy" and he even introduced me to his mother.
Day past our Monthsarry came, He said we should meet that day just because he has a class, So that's the only time we can meet after his class in the morning and i agree. He also said that we are going somewhere and he will give me something and I also agree.
He texted me that i meet him outside of his school***(****he was in college and i am no longer studying beacause of my financial problem i live in my ante in the city)*
Edi I also went right there to what he said. Because that school is just near his boarding house,when I get there i saw him outside of school waiting to me, since there were also many students coming out, he didn't hesitate to hold my hand and many students looked at us then. Acck I'm embarrassed again! we walked to his boarding house still holding my hand. When we arrived he introduced me to his aunt and went inside,He asks me if im okay and smile again to me. He greeted me with happy monthsarry and sang while playing the guitar that he borrowed from his boardmates .
We ate his lunch at the same time then he gave it to me. And I was so shocked that he would give me a frame with a poem, acckk!
SA PUSO KO NAG MULA
Sa isang malaking kalawakan
Ikaw ay aking natagpuan
Sa malawak na mundo
Pag ibig natin ay nabuo
Sa una nating pagkikita
Aking pusoy ligaya ang nadama
Nang ikay aking kaharap na
Nag halo ang ligaya at kaba
Buhok na tinatakpan ang iyong mukha
Na iyoy namang sinasadya
Dahil ikaw saakin ay nahihiya
Habang ako sayoy nakatulala
Dito na nagsimula ang
Pangakong hindi mag sasawa
Kailanman itoy hindi mawawala
Dahil lahat ng ito sa puso ko nag mula.
The poem he wrote me *
Yung picture ko diyan super jejemon pa hahahaha. And when I read the poem I was so shocked again and I don't know how I will feel there again, because I've been kilig na kilig na talaga kanina pa! Then I was even more kinilig with his poem ugh! I can't explain my emotions huhu lord help me na makahinga!
He ask me if im okay, he grab my hand and kiss me on my forehead and i smile to him and suddenly he kiss me in my lips................... *_* That moment become a slow motion, im so shocked and freeze at the moment gosh! that is my first kiss!, My first kiss!!!! ... He took my first kiss ...... I couldn't react right away. and he suddenly apologized and apologized because he said I might be angry to him.
I had so much fun that day! He made me feel how much he loved me.
He invited me to go with him to wander around with him and go to church. Like other couple did, but I said I can't because my aunt would scold me when she found out that I was going with the man. And he said its okay to him.
Days past my mother's death anniversarry came and I went home because we were preparing for it. And he said he wanted to go to our house, he wanted to meet my family. I said I would not allow it because my father might be angry with me.
When I was at home I received texts from him that he was already in the market and he would just pick me up, I was hesitant and I told my sister that he was coming and he is my boyfriend and my sister said I should just pick him up because he is already there. he told me that he had been asked many questions by his classmates just to get there. And he even brought the people there with us. (Our house is far from the market because our house is in the village) To make story short, I introduced him to my family and he also slept there. And my family is also okay because what I want to do in life is okay with them, as long as i don't do bad things. especially my mom she will support me in everything if she just lives and scold me if I do something bad.
Our picture back in the city and we were in the van.
His exam came and he became busy, we didn't talk much. because I understand him and he wants to study first.
Since then he has changed his dealings with me. and their exam itself, He just told me that they would have a drink at their boarding house, it was a celebration with his friends at the boarding house, because they had just finished their exam. after non he doesn't answer my call anymore. Tinatawagan ko siya kung napano na siya pero dahil siguro sa inis niya pinatay niya yung cellphone niya.
Next day, i received a text from him. He said let's stop this, I can't walk with you or even go to church. I want us to do what the couple does but we can't do it. I cried that day, and apologized. I asked if we were still fine but he said he didn't want to.
I was able to talk to a friend of his somehow and someone told me that on the night they were getting drunk, theres a girl went to him and slept there, and her male friends knew that.
I didn't confront him, i check our social media but he blocked me me in Facebook. And I just accepted everything because I love him, I thought that he would be happy with that his new girl, since I love him I will give his what can make him happy. I also told myself that I will fix myself before that love again. To be ready is what it deserves for me.
One year and a half ago,
one year and a half I also moved on with him I poured all my love on myself those times. And I'm feeling ready to love again eme, so someone once again i allowed to court me. and there he is nagpaparamdam nanaman in the text, but I said that to the person who was courting with me so he told me to change the number.
One night my bestfriend had a chat on me, its fiesta in our village that time saying that why i didn't go home? there was a man whose name was rj drunk and crying in front of them, regret why he cheated on me and asked for my number and she also gave it to that boy. but i told her that i have a boyfriend even though we haven't. I just said that so that she wouldn't give my number. but its too late she already give my number.
One night again someone called me but I didn't answer.I know he is. I wouldn't have answered but he was naughty, so I talked to him. he apologized to me and wanted to get back together because they had a fight with the girl. *That he exchanged for me was the girl who went right at night during their exam.* He talked to me, he told me that he didn't know that they were going to his friend our village that night, and they were having a party kasi nga fiesta and he asked my friend if he knew me and my bestfriend said yes and he said about the two of us and he started crying. And he asked for my number.
he wanted to go back with me because he did a mistake, that he still love me. but I don't want to. I said "*when I went back to someone who had hurt me, as if I had given him a chance to hurt me again*," he suddenly fell silent and apologized again. I said again that I already have a boyfriend and I'm okay, I've forgiven you for what you did even if you didn't apologize. I hope whatever the problem the both of you maayos niyo. he didn't insist either but when he was going to canada 2years ago after our break up he called me in messenger that he is going to canada and some decisions in his life, my present boyfriend knows that and he told me that I blocked him onfacebook at sinunud ko naman.
It's been 4 years that I don't know anything about him, he chatted with me again on ig this year. (instagram) and I talked to him its a friendly talk. he telling me that kinarma siya for cheating on me because the girl he exchanged for me and loved just cheated on him, when he went to canada. The girl pregnant with other boy because she drunk. He apologized again, and over and over again.
I said please don't think about that, it's been a long time. Forgive yourself and the woman who hurt you. You have a relationship with others and I still have the man who loved me for who i am. I hope we have both happy relationship right now. And he agreed.
**Don't believe what people who communicate separately say i need space but the truth is there are others. And I also don't believe that you are the problem but there is always a third party in a relationship that ends. Basta palaging may third party yan! 🤧😐**
I don't need to brag about what I did to him in a short period of time in our relationship, that's why he still communicates with me. I just want to share here how good a person he is and how much he made me happy back then during the times I felt like I didn’t love.
And that's where my article ends now that I'm just inspired by those who write love stories here, fiction or not. I hope you like my true story thankyou for reading.
Will I throw away what he gave me? Or not. Because my present boyfriend didn't know about what he gave, because I didn't say either. Hopefully I can ask for advice here.
@Sensaii
