No matter how hard we try to protect ourselves, sometimes we can be hurt by the negative events around us, the behavior of the people around us, or the words someone said. This may be due to our personal perception of what is happening around us. So why? Why do we take many things in life personally, even if they have nothing to do with us? Why do we act as if we were the only ones at the center of the events and everything that happened was an attack on our personality, and we give unwanted reactions?

Why do we take it personally?

Actually, there are many answers to this question. However, at the top of these answers comes the following: We all tend to put ourselves at the center of everything, everyone, because we are all 'subjects' with different characters, different characteristics, different habits and different backgrounds. As such, no matter how objective we try to be, at some point all the messages we receive from the outside world pass through our personal filters and our subjectivity dominates our objectivity. For this reason, we involuntarily put ourselves in the center of that thing by looking from the point where every event, conversation, situation affects us. We get hurt when someone is rude, we get upset when things don't go as planned, and when we get criticism, we doubt ourselves and take it personally, thinking we're not perfect. However, of course, when we evaluate it from a realistic point of view, we know very well that we are not at the center of most of the things that happen, happen to us, and experience in life.

To give an example; Imagine that someone you know or don't know enters the room you are in anger and starts to grumble, blowing and roaring in a rude manner. Involuntarily, "What anger, I don't deserve to be treated like this!" You may feel under attack with such thoughts, take your guard against this person, or you may respond with a similar attitude, get angry or upset. However, the other party may be angry at something else and may be expressing this anger in some way. You, on the other hand, may just be left with the burden of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Of course, this does not justify the rude behavior of the other party, but seeing ourselves as if we are at the center of this event and wasting our mental energy causes us to put an unnecessary emotional burden on our backs. We see what's going on around us from the perspective of how it affects us, and we evaluate it that way. The anger of others makes us angry, the disrespectful behavior of others makes us feel worthless, the unhappiness of others makes us unhappy.

What should you do in order not to take the events around you personally?

So, what perspective should you have so as not to take everything happening around you personally? Other people's reactions, attitudes, words or actions are mostly not about you, but their own perspectives, past experiences, and resentments. The reason why someone treats you like the best person or the worst person in the world actually depends on how the person sees the world at a certain time, not you. Of course, that doesn't mean you should ignore all the feedback you get from people around you. What you need to do is to re-evaluate the emotional pain, disappointments and sorrows caused by the tendency to take things personally, with a realistic perspective. For this, you basically have to leave behind the thoughts and behaviors of others and follow your own instincts and experiences. However, achieving this is not always as easy as it seems. Here are some things you should remind yourself not to take things personally:

1. Keep your calm

Thinking that everything that happens around you is somehow related to you can make you feel as if you are under constant threat and attack. The human mind tends to constantly focus on details that pose a vital risk in everything that happens in the environment, even if there is no real danger around. For example, if a passing car suddenly honks, your subconscious mind immediately transmits the message that that car will hit you and therefore honks the horn next to you, and tries to protect you against a possible danger. Therefore, it is extremely important that you calm down before reacting by constantly reminding yourself that when something happens around you that will cause you to panic and worry, it may not be about you.

2. Make a good distinction between what you can control and what you can't

While most events seem personal, people often do things because of themselves, not because of you. In order to mask their own anger, their own weakness, their own dissatisfaction, or their own unhappiness, they may try to lighten their emotional burden by entering the victim mentality by placing the responsibility on others, even if they have nothing to do with you or anyone else. Yes, you may not be able to control what other people say and do. However, you can control yourself and stop suppressing your own soul because of the other person's words or actions.

3. Believe in the power of your free will

It is only your choice to follow your own path, regardless of being under the influence of other people's thoughts and behaviors. With the choices you make using your free will, you can save yourself from being dependent on the outside, and you can liberate yourself by keeping yourself out of the events. Therefore, constantly remind yourself of the power of free will that you have just because you are human. How people treat you is their problem; How you react to their behavior is your problem.

4. Empathize with the circumstances

People often act that way, not consciously, but because circumstances require it that way at the moment. Some difficulties that we encounter in daily life, such as family troubles, health problems and relational problems, may cause the people around you to be overly sensitive, to give unwanted reactions, and to approach you with an attitude that is hurtful, sad, and makes you feel bad. Think about your own life: Do you feel the same as a day when you have a serious problem and days when you have no problems? Do you feel equally tolerant every day in your attitude and behavior towards people? When you empathize a little and remind yourself that the situation you are experiencing may be related to the circumstances as well as to you, you will realize that you are moving away from taking everything personally.

5. Recognize that you don't have to get along well with everyone

You cannot control how people get energy from you. How the other person understands you is related to his/her own schemas and personality traits that have developed with their experiences to date. We all have different wants and needs. Therefore, instead of being crushed by unrealistic expectations such as being on the same page with every person who comes into your life in some way, be aware that it has nothing to do with you not being in the same spot with these people.

6. Take constructive criticism seriously, but don't take it personally

If you pay a little attention, you can easily notice that most of the people around you criticize some of your behaviors, the way you do business or what you say, not you. Of course, all your attitudes and actions may carry signals about your personality. However, be aware that most of the time, you may perceive criticism from others as an attack on your personality, even if it is constructive. Most of the criticisms you receive may not be about your character or existential traits, but about what you do, what you have or what you don't have. Calculate what you hear from others and what's in your heart, and decide which one is correct based on how true it is.

7. Observe how people relate to themselves

The decisions most of us make, the way we communicate with people or how we relate to them are shaped by our parents and people in our immediate environment in the early stages. The schemas that determine the dynamics of our future relationships are closely linked to how we relate to ourselves and how safe we ​​see the world as a place. Therefore, if you begin to see people's behavior as an indicator of their relationships and past experiences, you will take things less personally.

Our personality and self are our most valuable treasures that make us who we are. It is our most basic and most human instinct to protect our ego from possible attacks by protecting our borders and showing the necessary reactions to people where necessary. But keep in mind that more than 8 billion people on earth have the same instinct as you, and that their own interests and those of other people do not always meet on common ground while trying to realize their own potential.