Crime rates in the United States continue to rise despite the pandemic, even with its ridiculous restrictions and forced lockdowns. The violent crime of homicide is also increasing, especially in “Chicago, N.Y.C., and L.A.” (Hawkins, 2021). “State and federal prisons held an estimated 1,311,100 people at midyear 2020” (Kang-Brown et al, 2021). Violent hate crimes are especially on the rise in the United States, many of which are random in nature (Allam, 2020). There can be no valid argument regarding why violent criminals should not be incarcerated. Unfortunately, over 50% of incarcerated individuals are imprisoned for violent crimes. Given the capacity to incarcerate only 5% of those who violate the law, a plan regarding what to do with the 95% who violate the law requires a novel approach to discourage further criminal behavior. A plan is thus set forth in which the aforementioned 95% of criminals could avoid incarceration and positively contribute to society.
Restorative justice is something of a joke, even though it has good intentions. Guilty criminals experience shame and this concept of restorative justice seeks to alleviate such shame (Jonas-van Dijk et al, 2020). This is a failed policy and a poor attempt at stopping recidivism, thus a better plan is required to both alleviate the jail and prison population and reduce the crime rate in the U.S., namely, more shameful practices to dissuade criminals from committing further crimes.
An innovative two-part plan
Many may recall the era when parents punished their children when they caught them smoking at an early age. They forced the youthful offenders to smoke cigarettes until they were blue in the face ill. While this was somewhat effective, shame was not an inducement to prevent future smoking offenses. Even washing one’s mouth out with soap was ineffective. However, a leather belt seemed to work more effectively.
First and foremost, it would be useful to put offenders in labor camps, making big rocks into little ones (as in the old days). Rather than use explosives in rock quarries, which disturb precious wildlife, criminal offenders would replace said explosives with hammers and chisels. Furthermore, each offender in their respective county or state would be forced to work 12-hour shifts.
They would also be issued 20-pound sledgehammers to remove rocks, sand, and gravel from the quarry so that the aforementioned could be utilized for infrastructure projects in the United States. And why not, do not prisoners enjoy lifting weights and building strength while incarcerated? Indeed they do!
Each offender would be issued the appropriate safety equipment: goggles and a headlamp for night shift work. Clothing would be optional in order to ensure offenders receive the proper amount of vitamin D. After all, health is important. And, rather than guards overlooking the backbreaking labor, social workers, those who preferably also have a gender studies minor, would oversee the operations.
Humane practices would be enforced: water, beans, rice and bread for all meals, (and a slice of toast for breakfast with diluted coffee). Additionally, an occasional disciplinary measure using cat-o-nine tails for recalcitrant offenders would serve to ensure discipline and inflict shame on offenders in order to get their respective hearts right.
The benefits
President Joe Biden’s “$2.3 trillion” infrastructure plan will fail like the Hindenberg (Hagstrom, 2021). According to the aforementioned author, the president actually wants to eliminate highways that dissect poor communities from the wealthier ones. This is a great concept, because it creates new communities where racial harmony can exist.
Consequently, part two of the plan to decrease the prison population would include skilled offenders whose task would be to tear down these highways and rebuild them from the above-mentioned quarried materials. And to satisfy radical groups and gang members, plated gold murals could dot portions of these highways to promote unity. Just think of the multiple trillions of fiat currency that could be saved and how the government printing presses that spit out money like an F-5 tornado does hail could be slowed down! It is pure genius!
Of course, running offenders would have to be punished. This punishment would be carried out by the same type of social workers as previously mentioned, and consist of the old ball and ankle chain, replete with a few lashes from those compassionate cat-o-nine tails.
Finally, the two-part plan would be far different than the current systems in the United States at present. The prison system would become an archaic system of punishment, except for the most violent of offenders. Moreover, vacant prisons could be used for temporary housing for illegal immigrants, that is, until they were able to secure gainful employment. In the end, everyone would benefit from the plan.
References
Allam, H. (2020, Nov.). FBI report: Bias-motivated killings at record high amid nationwide rise in hate crime. NPR. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/2020/11/16/935439777/fbi-report-bias-motivated-killings-at-record-high-amid-nationwide-rise-in-hate-c
Hagstrom, A. (2021) Wait a second, Biden’s infrastructure plan calls for tearing down highways? The Daily Caller. Retrieved from https://dailycaller.com/2021/06/21/joe-biden-infrastructure-roads-bridges-highway/
Hawkins, A. (2021). CNN admits crime wave, highlights violence in Democrat-run cities. Breitbart. Retrieved from https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2021/04/06/cnn-admits-crime-wave-highlights-violence-in-democrat-run-cities/
Jonas-van Dijk, J., Zebel, S., Claessen, J., & Nelen, H. (2020). Victim–offender mediation and reduced reoffending: Gauging the self-selection bias. Crime & Delinquency, 66(6-7), 949-972.
Kang-Brown, J., Montagnet, C., & Heiss, J. (2021). People in jail and prison in 2020. Vera Institute of Justice.
Brilliant satire! I haven't been able to post here as of late. Instead, I have been writing and hence burning the midnight oil for my clients. You sound a lot like Jonathan Swift!