Three Combination Lock.

As I each examine our lives, I am really trying to lead three lives simultaneously—our lives in our communities, Our family lives, And our personal lives.

The community life is the one that all our neighbors, Work colleagues, And even strangers see us living.

It is the life where others can see what we do, Hear what we say, And sense us our thinking and feeling.

For most of us, This is the life where we spend the majority of our time.

This is the life where we don't just transact, But in midst of our interactions, We create opinions of each others.

This is where we make value and character judgements of each other.

This is where someone might say we are kind, Result-oriented, Talented, Outgoing, Gracious, Thoughtful, And so forth.

It's easy to see why so many of us spend so much time in our community lives and enjoy it.

When I mention community life, This would be include our roles at work, Church, Civic duties, Volunteer organizations, And so forth.

It is full of associations with many people.

Perhaps there is even recognition, And maybe there are awards involved, Or perhaps there is monetary compensation.

This is the life where we get a sense of belonging and importance.

This is where our monkey brains get really excited.

Certainly having other people singing your praises is very gratifying.

Below is a visual representation of time spent mostly in community life in relation to perhaps family life and personal, Unseen life.

If we spend too much time in our community life we may feel disconnected with those in our family life, And our family will feel disconnected with us.

We also have our private lives, Which only those few who closest to us know about.

This consists of our family members or a very select group of friends.

These are the people we feel most comfortable with, And those with whom we feel we can afford to let our guard down, If you will.

These are the people with whom we can share what we really think and feel, And we know they will have the discretion, Care, And wisdom to handle such information.

A disconnected between people can occur when each person has a different focus.

For example, My mom, Is a stay-at-home mom, And the focus of her time is spent handling everything at home as well as teaching and raising me.

She is preparing me for uncertain future, And I am amazed at how she does what she does.

Being a mom is the hardest job there is.

I truly believe in the notion, “Dad might work from sunrise to sunset, But mother's work is never done.”

Obviously, While my focus might be greater outside the home, Or in the community at large, My mom focus is in the home.

To keep our relationship strong we need to make sure that we put enough focus on each other and not drift apart.

You may experience a third scenario in which a member of your family is consumed with only himself or herself.

You may have heard the expression, “I may not be much, But I'm all I think about.” Each person at some point, Is self-absorbed, Trying to answer the question, “Who am I, And where do I fit in?”

Figure 6 is a visual representation of three people who focus their time in different areas.

Having members of our family or private lives with a different focus is normal.

We are all in different stages with different concerns.

The problem is when these different cause us to drift apart.

For those of you who have been married for a while, Do you ever wonder whether your spouse is becoming more and more of a stranger to you over time? I hope not, But if we're not careful it can happen.

Do you sometimes look at your children, Especially in their teenager years, And wonder whether their minds have been abducted by aliens? Your teenager may be changing so much and so fast that it's hard to keep up.

How do you get such unique personalities, Each with a separate focus, In the same household on the same page? Well get to that!

The third life is the Unseen personal life.

This is the life that only we, personally know about, Until such a time that we are comfortable enough sharing with those in our private lives.

Within our Unseen personal lives are our innermost hopes, Dreams, Struggles, And fears.

This is the life where we may feel the strongest and most vulnerable at the same time.

This is the life in which we try to reconcile in our hearts, Minds, And souls the meaning and value to our existence, In the context of our family and community life as well.

This Unseen personal life is our core.

We know we need to give ample focus to it, While at the same time we may feel guilty and selfish for doing so, Because there is so much that needs to be done in our other lives.

These are three interconnected lives indeed, And the importance of each of our three lives will vary, Depending on what is going on in that particular season of life.

As I look back in my children's lives, Early in the elementary school years, They each seemed to balance personal life, Family life, Friends, Schools, Sports, Music, And everything else with relative ease.

Sure, There were traumatic episodes, Crying, New discoveries, Deep friendships, Big fights, But all of these events seemed to happen within the context of the same day; They bounced back quickly, Forgave easily, And had short memories.

After dinner and a descent night's sleep They were ready to tackle the big bad world all over again the following day.

A teenager's life resolves around self as they are maturing and becoming more independent.

Though clumsy at times, They are trying to figure out life as best as they can.

With most adults, I find that reconciling these three lives is more difficult with each passing generation.

It seems that the older we get, Juggling these three lives become increasingly perplexing and complicated.

How do you manage time in the context of these three lives while those around you are all trying to do the same?

On my next article, Let me suggest three approaches to improvement, From the most common to the most effective.

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