I love you, before, but now

I loved you for so long, you are the. You are my love and you are my everything. But love is not for me, so I'm sorry if I have to let go. I just don't want to let myself believed that I still love you when in fact I don't. It's long gone, the word I say I love you is now just a past, if this continue, it may bring not just heartbreak but also distruction. I'm Sorry.

I was in high school when I first had my first boyfriend, not in person though. We met tru texting so we become girlfriend - boyfriend tru text. I don't have social media that time so we really don't know the looks of each other. I don't know how many boyfriends I had that time but, they are a lot I can't count. It's okay for me because it's only in text.

That time, I was really looking for someone who will love me, I want an attention and I choose texting rather than have a boyfriend in person. I don't like that because I am afraid that my Mom will discover it so no. And in texting you are not required to meet, also how can you meet if you are far from each other. I always choose my boyfriend from different place, like before I had a boyfriend from there and there and there.

Years past and it still continue, counting boyfriend but still in text. I never had a real boyfriend that time of my life, b3cause I am really afraid and I'm okay with just in a relationship through texting.

I'm on Second Year, when I feel this strong emotion to someone. I like him and he is so cute, I just like his hair that time because it's curly and it's really suit him. But the sad thing is, I'm not the one he like, it's my classmates. This classmate of mine is so pretty so I'm really not surprise if he's one of those boys who had a crush on her. She has a lot of suitors and he's one of them.

I will give this beautiful classmate of mine a name as Gorg and the guy is Joss. One time, Gorg ask me to lend her my phone because she's just gonna text someone. And because I am a very good student and I have lots of load I lend it to her. I had no idea that because of that I will get a chance to communicate with Joss, became friend with him and communicate with him

So she text someone, but no one replied so she give me back my phone. I take a look in the sent box and there I saw a her message saying "It's Gorg, I don't have load so I can't reply sorry." I can't help myself but to roll my eyes, I mean she's like saying "Hey give me a load if you want me to reply with you!" That's my interpretation to her text to him. What? I can think whatever I want, and I know because that's my doing too.

A minute pass, I observe her because I'm waiting for her reaction. If she smiles and didn't borrow my phone again, that's only mean one thing, she get's what she wants and she really gets it, good gracious.

But because of it, we become a regular text mate, tho all he's asking me about is about Gorg, seriously. But it's okay I'm okay with just it.

And then, I can't remember if what's the occation that time but he gives a gift for Gorg and I'm the one who get it because he is being shy so I volunteer to give it to Gorg. What can I do, I'm a very good human I can go to heaven. I even thought that time that I won't give it to her because I'm sure she won't appreciate it. But off course because I am seriously a well mannered human being, I didn't do it. I can't really accept a thing that is really not meant for me, no way. I will feel like I am desperate so no way.

Nothing much happen after that, I just give her gift and turn away, I was all smile and that's it. Actually Gorg has a crush already so those who had a crush on her has really don't have a change in the first place, even Joss. So Joss just graduated in school with his heart broken.

I have so many experience in having a ralationship tru text, there's also a time that I two time. I had two boyfriend at the same time. Yeah I did it, how about you? I'm sure some here do it too haha. But I only did it once and I didn't do it again because, it's hard there's a time that I sent a message that is meant to B1 but I sent it to B2, my gosh it's it's really cool.

Past Forward, College days. My number is still saved into his phone according to him, so he just check if it's active.

I'm a bit surprise when he text me, and that very day we become a couple. Is it fast? Well why not, I still have a thing for him, I even told him that I had a crush on him when we we're highschool. And he ask me if I still feel the same and I answer, yes. And officially he become mine, mine alone.

We exchange our facebook account and we see each other and his still cute as ever with his curly hair and lucious lips, that I love to nibble hihi. We became couple for more than 2 years, we fight, we argue but we always talk it over and then make up, not making love we didn't reach to that point, I want it but I don't oh I don't know.

But in relationship, there is really a time that you will feel suffocated and then eventually fall out of love. That's what happen to me, I just get to the point that there is no love anymore, in my part okay. I don't know, I love him so much before but now, it's gone

And I can really force myself to love him again, there is no love any more so what's the use. He's the only who'll get hurt if we didn't broke up, we'll just fool ourselves and we'll just hate each other. So, it's better to break it and let go to the relationship that has no future at all than hurt each other more and eventually distruct him.

So for you, who are in a relationship, if you feel like your relationship is now falling apart. If you are the only one who's making it work, then it's better to let go now. Don't force that relationship anymore when even him or her won't fight it. It's not worth it, you can't light the fire that is already soak in a bed of water. So it's better t let go, move on and when time comes, fall in love again