On the Verge, Yet...

I've been working with all the changes I had after becoming a mother for almost six years now and honestly, it is not an easy path for me. Before I express my deep emotion into this writing, I want to tell all the girls out here especially the teens and young ones "Don't rush. Take your time. Get a work and enjoy your whole salary and freedom."

Now let's go back to my thought and emotion, I know many of us can relate to this especially those who had and has been recently cheated by their partner. Actually I am on the verge of breaking down once again. Yes, this is not the first time. 

I lost my opportunity to find a better job and explore the world of freedom. Im not saying that I regret becoming a mother of a precious and beautiful daughter. What I regreted is not being able to do what I want and choosing the wrong person. 

When you become a mother, you can not easily give up on your partner just because he cheated on you. I strive and swallowed my pride in order to keep my family as a whole no matter how many breakdowns I have to go through in silence for the sake of my daughter. Some says "Let go", and I tried too but stillI can't. Why? I cant afford yet to support my own child. Why again? Because I lost my standing, I lost my opportunity before the pandemic hits. I tried to get a work from home setup job yet I failed to do so, I lack the gadgets like laptop and stable net; in addition, I cant afford to leave my daughter yet when his father just recently put us aside out of his priority. 

I made the biggest decision so far, and that is to move from Bohol to Cebu(Husband's workplace) believing to make this family a little bit closer and hoping to make up. Yet another 'I tried' failed. 

I dont know what will be the next months will hold and unfold but still I'll do my best to stand firm againts this storm. 

And as I am typing this article right, my husband is smiling widely chatting and my imagination is already running wild and there goes like punching him only on my mind. I can't afford to let my daughter see us quarrel, it's not the right time for her to listen to this kind of stories. 

And Ive shared already on the other platform about how much I earned on noise.cash which is over 10,000 pesos by just creating contents with photographs and playing a bit of BCH buy and sell, but I am so saddened to tell you this that all of this was withdrawn by my husband few days ago for his own use without my permission. 

Another thing is that my grandmother gave my gold necklace and to my surprise it was already pawned by him too without my consent. All I had was the receipt from the pawnshop in which I saw at our cabinet. 

I was saving all of those for my daughter yet he didn't even hesitate to spent it for his overnight with friends at not-so-well-known beach resort in Cebu. 

I dont know anymore what runs in his head. He has a new work with enough salary to give yet I dont know what happened. I asked him yet he cant answer it. 

This is another lesson I wanted to share with you, "Dont entrust all your savings account to your partner because we don't know what the future holds. I know transparency and trust is best but it would be better to be on guard fo your children's sake."

If he haven't withdrawn it, I am probably investing in stock market now. I even posted a crowd sourcing in noise.cash if what is the best or easier stockmarket trading platform for a newbie without having a knowledge that I don't have anything to invest anymore. 

Now, I am left with zero balance once again. Here I go again, trying to make my mind clear by writing and hopefully I can earn double the amount that had been lost. No, I know I can earn it. I have to, I have to believe and do it! 

Let's go back to zero, make another future foundation with my daughter. I am on the verge but I won't jump off the cliff. I got better reason to live. My happy life hasn't started yet and same goes to all of you who think that it's the end because your partner betrayed and cheated on you. 

Remember that " HE IS NOT YOUR WORLD!" So don't crumble and fall for a long time. Go build your own world with the one who loves you and whom you care so much. 

Thank you for your ears. Im a bit better after writing this.