10 things to before getting into any relationship or Marriage

HEAL BEFORE YOU DEAL. (Part one)

I know you might be thinking this particular lesson is not for you but listen carefully, there is something in it for you.

There will be two sessions for this lesson. First will be for those still hurt from past relationships and second for those yet to get into any relationship.

You might not have been in any relationship before to know what it means to be heartbroken but trust me you won't want to start a relationship with someone who is still heartbroken and hurt from their past relationship. This is why in our next lesson we will be looking into that.

For the heartbroken reading this, Heal before you Deal. This is very important. It is vital that you get over past hurt before entering into another relationship. Most people fail to do this and they end up hurting themselves and their newly found love.

It is unfair, nobody deserves to suffer because of the crimes of your ex. Some still think about their ex even in a new relationship making their new partner wonder if they are safe or not in that relationship.

See, If you are yet to get over what happened and learn from it then it's not time to start another relationship because chances are it will still fail.

Understand this now.

Some relationships end because the people are not right for you, maybe God is preventing you from future heartbreak which would have been worse than it is now, or saving you from a marriage that will cost you your life. So thank God it ended now.

Clean yourself up first, get over them, be sure you won't treat your next partner less than they deserve which means you are ready to give them the best of you. This is when I will say you are ready to deal again otherwise remain single and heal.

There are a lot of benefits for healing first before getting into another relationship, I will mention only a few because I want to focus more on how to heal because I know this is what most people need right now.

Benefits.

1. It helps you get into another relationship with the right intention. You are not one of those that get into a relationship because they want to get back at the one that left them or they want to use their new partner as a healing tool, after which they might discover they don't really love them.

2. It helps you avoid hurting other innocent people or making them pay for what they know nothing about.

Now

How To Heal.

1. Don't bottle up your emotions or push them away.

Don't cover it up. Learn not to cover that pain because soon it will explode.

Talk about it with someone you trust who is willing to listen to you. It's okay to cry whether male or female. Don't allow anyone make you think it's wrong if that's the way you are able to let out the pain then do it. Try not to do it in front of the one that left or the one you left in some cases. Leave them and go vent and cry somewhere else around friends you trust.

You must understand that people don't just quit on a relationship, it's possible they are physically present but their heart have left the relationship a long time ago. they are only looking for a good time to tell you or waiting for you to do something wrong to fault you for it and use it as an excuse to leave. Most people formulated the reasons why they broke up with you. So don't beg because it won't change anything.

2. Realize that how you are feeling now is normal. It's alright to hate anything related to men or women at that point or not to trust or have anything to do with them again. But You shouldn't continue with it though. At first, it's normal because of the hurt, but don't feel that way to the point you start making wrong decisions. How you feel after a break up is normal. The Bible acknowledges our emotions too, it says be angry but sin not. So know when best to let that feeling fly.

3. Talk to someone that can help.

Therapy is not wrong guys. Counseling doesn't mean you are sick. Nigerians undervalue the power of therapy.

See a psychologist, if you have to. Talk to a mentor, a professional, a Spiritual father or an authority over you. That is someone that can manage the information and help you through the process of healing. Confession helps to heal. Find someone that can pray with you.

4. Open up to God's Spirit.

The best person to heal you Is the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 64:8.

You have to pour your heart out to Him.

When you pour your heart out to friends you momentarily feel better but when you pour your heart to God you open a channel for healing. He understands. Talk to him about the pain. He is your best chance.

5. Forgive.

Forgive them and forgive yourself if you are at fault. Forgive them not because they deserve it but because you deserve to heal. Forgiveness is letting go so you can grow. With forgiveness comes healing.

How you know you have forgiven is when you stop wishing them bad. You stop monitoring them to see if the new relationship will fail. If you continue this way you will only hurt yourself over and over again. You must forgive and let them go. Set them free and set yourself free.

6. You must cut all forms of communication if anything about them reminds you of the relationship and prevents you from healing.

This might be hard to do but this is what you need if you are serious about healing. A good number of people are still held from moving on because they still communicate with their ex. Communication is a way of bonding so it's not healthy if you are trying to move on.

Note. In some cases, the cause and circumstance surrounding a break up are to determine if you should communicate with your ex or not.

7. Join a good support system group.

Find people who are walking their way out of that kinda situation and learn how they do it. A good support system is very important, not everyone will understand you, but a good number of people who have been where you are can go a long way to help you pass through this phase.

8. Pick yourself up.

What ever happened is now in the past, so let it remains in the past, don't carry it through life that it becomes your identity. Understand you have a better life ahead of you. Don't play victim, don't stay down, pick yourself up and live the best life ahead of you.

Note.

Although some people move on fast when they get involved with other people, this is not advisable when you are still deeply hurt and still in love with your ex. Don't go into another relationship if you are yet to heal to an extent. If not you will only suffer your next partner. They will struggle to get your attention if your ex is still in your head. Heal first, forgive them and forgive yourself before a new relationship.

Do everything you can to let go. There is someone else out there, even better for you. Don't hold yourself back, make up that mind today. It is well with you.

Time and chances heal all wounds. Give it time you will be alright.

Watch out for Part two of this lesson. I need to do this for the singles yet to get into a relationship so they will understand how this applies to them.