Being A Mother. "Am I enough? Am I a good mother and a wife?"

Being a housewife is not easy. We don't have day-offs, no retirement. Sometimes I thought if am I ready or not?

As days go by, I saw myself getting worst. I felt guilty every time I made mistakes to my husband and son. So stressed that I can't think straight and wise. Sometimes I forgot how to be human.

I and my husband were together for 3 years. We were fine before, I'm not so stressed. Yes, we fight but at the end of the day, we still forgive each other and stay in love. Now that we have a son, he was born in the last year 2020. We were so excited to see him. Honestly, we both happy as we both knew that I'm pregnant. When he comes out, the reality of being a parent came. I thought it will be easy and will follow what we planned but we're wrong.

When I gave birth thru emergency cesarean section, I felt sad and guilty for my husband. And I felt useless because why can't I deliver my son normally. But my husband never let me feel that way still I can't stop myself thinking why. He paid almost 100,000 pesos in the hospital. He said that it was fine as long as I and the baby were safe.

When we got home from the hospital, he took care of the baby though he has worked. I saw him getting thin. We are both exhausted and tired because of a lack of sleep. As our baby getting big, I am the one taking care of him because my husband needs to go to work. Because I'm tired, I sometimes get angry when he cried. I so love my son so much but why can I felt angry? Maybe because I heard bad from our neighbors. I don't want them to talk about my baby that's why I don't want my baby to cry because they might hear him again. One time, it's not my intention to hit my baby's feet. It was just a soft spank. I did not mean to, it just that he's getting naughty and I'm tired. He cried much and then fall asleep after. While he's sleeping, I can't hold myself to cry because I felt sad for him for slapping his feet. I felt guilty so I hug him right while whispering sorry. I'm asking myself why I'm like this, I am not the older me. How can I hurt my baby? I felt sorry for my child. I felt inhuman for that.

My baby is 6 months old now and getting bigger, thanks to God. As he gets big, my head always hurts. Maybe because of lack of sleep. My headache always starts at night so I ask my husband to look for our baby but sometimes he declines for he has work to do but I sometimes don't understand him so it will be a reason for us to fight. We don't understand each other sometimes. I want to relax but I can't. I have to take good care of my baby. I should think better that I'm now a parent so I should embrace this.

I and my husband talk about what we should do. We plan to talk if we don't understand each other and that we should be open. Now, we are both coping. We see to it that we can give our child's need. In the daytime, I will be the one to take care of the baby while he's at work and during the night he will help me out for the baby so that I can relax a little. I still have a headache every night maybe because of exhaustion. I am afraid for myself but still thinking positively, I need to be optimistic for my baby.

During the day, I am going to do the household chores while they both sleeping. When my son woke up, we both do it together because I can't handle taking him a bath because my son big for me. After that, I will let him sleep. While he's sleeping, I continue the household task while my husband's at work.

We were asking our elder what to do regarding parenting since we were only at the house, we don't have anyone to ask and call. So, we are coping with the situation alone.

As of now, we are trying our best to be good parents to our son. Hope we can give his needs and we can discipline him as he grows older.

PS. Thank you for reading, I hope some of you will comment and give me advice on how to handle stress and anxiety in taking care of my baby.