A nobody, a somebody. Who am I, I ask myself daily, yet there is no answer to it. In the worldly manner, I am a human, named Asaaib. Asaaib Nijah Hussain. But who am I really, that is a question yet to be answered.
My name, Asaaib means “a pious person, one who is obedient and fears Allah.” while Nijah means “Success, successful.” I do not think I am either of them.
I do not think I have ever reached that standard to be called a pious person, and success? Success is never visible till the day you die. Either you died your best, successful, or you died at your worst - a failure.
And every day that I spend, it is because I keep asking myself, “Why am I not the pious person I ought to be. Why am I not working hard enough to be that person?”
Every day, I get up. Look in the mirror and find out the million flaws in me.
I am not a perfect human as everyone thinks me to be. I am, instead, a person full of flaws. A person that holds room for betterment. And I guess I am just not working enough. I do not think I am here just to be.
But I just cannot seem to make myself better. And in all honesty, its infuriating.
Most days, though, I am quite optimistic, and I believe I can be better, but then there are some days, where I feel I am a useless, and worthless piece of nothing.
On those days, even my “Why’s cannot seem to make me do anything. Those days hope is no where to be seen, it’s all just darkness and gloom. Now-a-days, though, honestly, it’s just gloom. I cannot seem to see the ray of light.
But then I pull myself up. I am not dead yet. I still wake up every day, my limbs still work fine, as do the other organs. Today could be a chance to be better… hopefully
