A Little Writeup Effort From Me.
Just today when I was looking for a book in my study, I found the novel "Good-bye, Mr. Chips." Y'all are familiar with this novel as it used to be a part of our course in Intermediate. As I was turning the pages deliberately, I found a page with this line highlighted in pink:
" What a host of little incidents, all deep-buried in the past -- problems that had once been urgent, arguments that had once been keen, anecdotes that were funny only because one remembered the fun. Did any emotion really matter when the last trace of it had vanished from human memory; and if that were so, what a crowd of emotions clung to him as to their last home before annihilation? "
I remember I highlighted these lines in pink. These lines didn't make that much sense to me back then as they did today. That novel never intrigued me much as it did today. May be because anything that is a part of our academic course doesn't intrigue us (to state the fact.)
So, I re-read this sentence. The novel was essentially based on the memories of the days that Mr. Chips spent at Brookfield. But the sentence "Did any emotion really matter when the last trace of it had vanished from human memory?" became the focal point of my interest. Is it really possible to vanish even the slightest trace of any emotion residing in our memory? Do people really abandon their thoughts and emotions for things that once counted the most? The question itself gave rise to a lot of questions. But the very next line "If that were so, what a crowd of emotions clung to him as to their last home before annihilation" contradicted the line before it. I read somewhere that when a person has an emotional reaction to something in his environment, there’s a 90 second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop. Emotions come and go but feelings never die. We choose to live in that emotional loop willingly.
Same was the case with Mr. Chips. No feeling ever lost its charm for him. Even after all those years, he used to recall all those memories; good or bad, in his mind. And those memories were his only asset. The last scene of the novel; when he was on his death bed, what was that one thing that still kept him going? It was the memories of his past that always kept him going. As he shut his eyes for the final time, he was comforted by the thoughts of his beloved students. You see, that's how memories play their part in our life. They keep us going. Because as you grow older, things really don't seem to intrigue you and that's just the memories of the past, be it the pleasant ones or the unpleasant ones, that keep you going. And when I state the unpleasant memories as well, I mean the struggle, the hardships you suffered to become that one person.
That person is the one you feel proud of the most, when it comes to recalling the past. So why not live life with the hope that each day you spend, every person you meet, every act you do, leaves a trace upon you and everyone that makes you recall and cherish your past memories, the same way Mr. Chips cherished them? Because in the end, when you're old in your 70's 80's, these little things are the ones that matter the most.
You murdered my soul.
Broken, shattered, disintegrated.
That's what I am.
I no longer know who I am.
I no longer feel safe.
I can't escape this hate.
You've murdered my soul.
You slaughtered what was once whole.
You've sentenced my heart to life behind bars.
You tore my life apart, leaving it with scars.
You've made your mark.
So what now?
Are you satisfied with the damage?
Are you glad to see me broken?
Because you've gotten your gold medal.
You've finally gotten your token.
I remember each second of that night.
Each time I try to forget the pain and memory of that time, it is still there.
I remember when you got on top of me and held me down and even though I screamed for help, nobody came.
Now I live with it each day of my life.
I try to remember it was not my fault, but still deep inside I think it was.
How could you take something from me that was not yours to take?
How could you sleep at night knowing that I can't?
How could you have raped me and pretend you never did?
How can I cope with it when I know I can't.
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Blurred Moments.
I stood there gazing at the moon as if asking her all the answers that i sought. Everything in my life had been a jigsaw puzzle and i could never put them together and figure out the truth that lied behind it. It had been always like this. Me getting trapped, trapped to an extent that i had to give up in the end and had to manipulate myself that it didnt concern me anymore. There were so many things that i experienced in my life when i had yet to understand it. Thoughts that irritated me, feelings that provoked me, sights that nauseated me, i had experienced it all, had it all in my life when i never demanded it, when it wasnt even a care for me. I hated it, hated the misery when life offered me something against my choice. I was like a puppet to my life, being controlled without having a say in it.
As i got older all those blurred moments would attack me at once and just like that i would become a mess, a messed up girl who couldnt control her emotions, who had yet to figure out the thoughts, the feelings, the sights that had provoked her into finding the truth but still failed miserably cause she didnt know what she was looking for, it was just a blurred perception that all these thoughts were a lie and the truth was hiding under its spell.
But all this time she didnt quite understand one thing, it wasnt the truth that had to be figured out but the person that was hiding beneath her, the person that had yet to be discovered, the person that was her, all this time.
How quickly time changes.
It is crazy how times change. How we all have been growing so fast at first so close and now so apart. Every minute that passes in my life makes me realize that nothing in this entire world was worth my time and consideration. All the time i wasted on useless things destroying myself keeping good image infront of people who are not even part of my life anymore, seriously i regret every minute of it! You guys will too just at the right time.
You'll realize there is nothing exciting in this world, everything is just so normal but not normal, every heart break will make you stronger and your heart of stone, slowly and solwly all you will care about is nothing you wont force things everything will flow in matter of time, all the happiness and you will not be happy, you will get to know what is meant by feeling alone in a room full of people , you will know that you and your inner peace doesn't matters any more, you will find yourself distancing yourself from people who care about you, you will realize what was all the fuss about and trust me your answer at that point will it was seriously nothing and worthless. So, while enjoying the moment today don't forget the coming tomorrow remember not everyone you think is your friend is really your friend.
I Still Remember!
You were the moon to my stars.
You lit up my world when it was all gloomy.
I still remember the day you asked me to wait for an hour and showed up afterwards with hand written note just because i felt low and missed you. It was the best day of my life you know.
I still remember how you held my hand at my lowest when i was at the edge of giving up.
I still remember how i sat for hours in winters on my roof staring at the moon talking to you and you always complained you'll get sick.
I still remember how you cared when i was just about to cry and you hated that but you still managed to make me smile with your silly jokes.
I still remember the day you told me you loved me.
I now remember your actions which told me that love has died.
I still remember the day you promised to be always there.
I now remember the nights i have craved for a text from you, cried to sleep, screaming in my pillow but you weren't there.
I now remember going on the same roof, hating to look at the moon.
You took away my reasons to stare at moon.
You took away my breaths with you making me feel void here all alone, you gave me your hand just to leave me all alone only when i had started to stand up? Well i am drowning now, worse than before, who is going to hold me now? When i only want to be held by you?
You left me clueless wondering how i could have saved the thing between us.
People Crave For Things They Wanted As Child!
He was 10 how can he be so wise?
He tried his best , still he was punched and asked to behave nice .
He saw others running towards their dad and wondered why it was him who had to hide,
He just wanted some love but his dad used to throw him away like a dice .
It was his dad who played the charachter of cat , poor soul never wished to be mice .
No matter what or who made him upset , it was the son who always paid the price .
For one mistake he was beaten thrice ,
His mouth was shut but eyes shouted , sadly there was noone to hear his cries .
His helpless mom said it was all gonna be okay , little did he know it was all lies .
At his age , others wanted a trip or new toys he just wished , he dies .
He thought he was baked wrong , little did he know he was a perfect piece of slice.
It's Going To Be Okay!
Dear fighter(s),
I've been seeing you from across the room, for a long time now. Your laugh like honey, your smile like sunshine, your eyes like a star in the night sky. Sometimes, you're even the life of the party and sometimes you're just… not yourself.
I know you cheer everybody up but in the dark, you feel alone too. I know, those days, you don't feel like trying or even smiling. I know you've been fighting for too long. I know you've been betrayed by too many, hurt by too many, even the ones you call 'Your People'. The meltdowns you're having, the way you feel. I know it all and I understand.
It's okay not to be okay sometimes. The way you feel is completely normal. You made it then, you'll make it now. You're a fighter. And there's nothing to stop you from fighting. You're strong. Unbreakable. I admire you for who you are.
And believe me, you are that person for me, who I look up to and say, "Yeah,I wanna be THAT strong."
From,
Your admirer.
Who Am I?
A nobody, a somebody. Who am I, I ask myself daily, yet there is no answer to it. In the worldly manner, I am a human, named Asaaib. Asaaib Nijah Hussain. But who am I really, that is a question yet to be answered.
My name, Asaaib means “a pious person, one who is obedient and fears Allah.” while Nijah means “Success, successful.” I do not think I am either of them.
I do not think I have ever reached that standard to be called a pious person, and success? Success is never visible till the day you die. Either you died your best, successful, or you died at your worst - a failure.
And every day that I spend, it is because I keep asking myself, “Why am I not the pious person I ought to be. Why am I not working hard enough to be that person?”
Every day, I get up. Look in the mirror and find out the million flaws in me.
I am not a perfect human as everyone thinks me to be. I am, instead, a person full of flaws. A person that holds room for betterment. And I guess I am just not working enough. I do not think I am here just to be.
But I just cannot seem to make myself better. And in all honesty, its infuriating.
Most days, though, I am quite optimistic, and I believe I can be better, but then there are some days, where I feel I am a useless, and worthless piece of nothing.
On those days, even my “Why’s cannot seem to make me do anything. Those days hope is no where to be seen, it’s all just darkness and gloom. Now-a-days, though, honestly, it’s just gloom. I cannot seem to see the ray of light.
But then I pull myself up. I am not dead yet. I still wake up every day, my limbs still work fine, as do the other organs. Today could be a chance to be better… hopefully
Don't Take Stress About Your Future!
The only thing on my timeline right now is MDCAT . Medical students go through alot of pressure and stress . Pressure not only from society but from their closed ones too 🙂 I'm super proud of you if your mdcat score is good and you're eligible for a good university BUT if its not good that's okay too trust me its okay its fine . Everyone saw you working hard to achieve that one dream "dow" you couldn't make it that's fine ik you must be thinking its very easy for me to say this all but ykw we all have ups and downs . Just because a door is closed doesn't mean you're worth less.
Pls don't measure your intelligence on a single entrance exam pls dont demotivate yourself just bec our government is not compatible enough to conduct a fair entrance exam . I know you've been working very very hard since childhood to get your goals and now you feel like giving up but pls dont years later you'll look back to this phase of your life and you'll smile while saying" i made it" i know you'll make it bec you re hardworking and super talented . Pls dont loose hope
we plan and HE plans and indeed HE is the best of planners trust Divine . He'll create ways for you from places where you'd never imagine .
Just stay strong you got this.
Strangers!
So,, there they both were,, totally unknown to each other,,totally strangers.but one thing connected them;they both had their heart broken recently and that connected them.Their story had an unusual start. Girl approached the guy here and both just hit it off. Yup,, the girl whose face shone brighter than that sun which sets after a rainfall. Her smile was the kind of smile that brings happiness to others. Her aura was such of a rainbow that just makes you smile even in pain.
And the boy,, the boy who never received a compliment in his life.The boy whose love of the life taunted her by saying that "your face isn't pretty" and "your voice sounds like frog making noise". yes that boy.. This girl with the prettiest face and kindest heart complimented him, not once or twice but alot. and the guy,, the guy who forgot to smile,, he smile again upon seeing this girl smile. so he kind of made it his mission to make her smile, always. to keep her happy no matter what. And the girl,, the girl finally thought that this is how it feels to be loved. They started liking each other. they found comfort in each other. But there was a fear in both of them. there was a question, question was "what's next.?"
They were afraid of losing each other but still couldn't admit it in front of each other. there was one more question "how is it humanly possible to be attached to someone in so little time despite of being so careful.?" so another question took birth. They both were thinking.
well.. They didn't commit to each other. but they committed to themselves,, they made up their mind of marrying each other without commiting to each other and isn't this how it should be.? commit to ourselves and then there's nothing to stop us.
well today is 3rd Oct,,,his birthday and their marriage anniversary too. They both are together. laughing, smiling,, happy sitting in the lawn,, sun is shining on her face, her face reflects the light and shines brighter than the sun. The guy is looking at the girl who is his wife now. The wife looks back at him. they both smile. and Not just because of each other. but they smile because of the people who left them.They smile at the time when they were broken and the people who broke them. They smile at that heart break that led them to each other.
The guy stops smiling and say. "I thought I'd never love again,, but damn I don't think I've been in love with anything or anyone like I'm in love with you right now,, you know that,, right.? " The girl starts blushing. she looks at her husband. then looks down. and then looks back at him and say "Yes,, I know".
They both felt contentment. They loved each other and then they never loved anyone else again till their children came.
Remembering APS Martyrs.
We all find hope in positivities around us. Different types of them. In our own ways. I believe there's hope to find in tragedies as well. Of a different kind, glowing with saudade, but nevertheless immensely powerful.
All of us are born with only one certainty: one day, we shall all die. Yet this haunting truth doesn't stop us from laughing, learning, longing. We still play as if that's the only thing that matters in the whole wide world. We still study as if one small piece of paper will be able to hold the story of our struggles through those snoozing days and those sleepless nights. We still work as if the ladder to success is watching every step we take. We still love as if our tears fall upon their faces as smiles that lighten up this universe.
So I ask: if death can't stop us from living, what else can? Well, the answer is, the loss of faith. In life. In light. In love. It's this loss that marks the true defeat of our existence. For it's this void lingering within our innermost selves which then becomes so wide that it makes our souls stop dancing in synchronisation of their invisible mates. Until that happens, it's us who will continue to haunt death, and not the other way around.
This is why, after all this time, I still maintain: Dhaka has fallen, but the true day of surrender will come only when our hearts will no longer be able to hold its fond remembrance.
This One Is For The Parents!
I know a lot of you will disagree with what I have to say right now.
Recently, I was with my father at the bank submitting my fees. It was the admission form’s fee. The person sitting there told my dad, “if your son doesn’t make it in the test and failed to get enrolled you won’t get any refund.” An instant thought generated in my mind after looking at my father’s expressions towards this sentence.
You might have heard that education has been a business these days. Nope, not only education even parenting has become a business these days. My father is acting as the investor and I am an asset to him. He is investing in me and seeking to get the best profit out of it. This thought pushed me out and I realized that this issue has created more depressed lives than anything else. We are trying so damn hard to be the most profitable asset and when we succeed everyone is going to be proud of us just like an investor being happy on the profit he gets but what if we fail?
I don’t know if anyone else is going to relate but this issue is eating me alive. If you are telling your kid to be happy in his life and you teach him to dream better, you won’t need to guide him on every single turn. If you are telling your kid about what would happen if he succeeds, tell him that it’s ok if he fails. We all need a pause.
To All The Struggling Souls!
I was crying while sitting in that washroom floor. No one could see me crying, screaming like a baby who bawls up. Every part of my body was aching. My last two brain cells couldn't think of anything but a slideshow of all the bad memories was going on. The only thing I wanted at that time was poison because I don't want to add pain so let these torments be buried with this undignified body of mine. I couldn't a find escape nor poison nor peace. Gathered all the energy to stand up all the way from washroom floor and then sat again for the next few hours under the shower and wondering WHY? WHY IT HAPPENED?
But I was struggling to understand why it happened. Life is uncertain and unfair at times, you don't get answer to your why's.
You don't get answers to your whats, "what is gonna happen next, ab Kia Hoga." I kept thinking and kept crying but the only best thing was even I couldn't feel my tears because it was all mixed up with the water of the shower. After crying for good 5 hours carried myself,dragged myself out of the shower and got out of the washroom just to lay in the bed and kept weeping till my pillow was all wet. But at least I had a blanket in the cold winter night in my room but I couldn't feel cold or anything in the washroom either. What sort of pain was that? In what state of mind I was? Maybe I was too lost in my thoughts. Well I kept crying and I don't know when I fell asleep but woke up the next day just to lay again.
While I laid again I kept turning the pages and pages of all that was going on in my head and I the only thing I knew was Life is a vicious circle from which there seems no escape. All of a sudden all the determination and will to live has left me. I want to prepare myself for the time when I'll reach the end of the trail. But I feel justified in terminating a life which no longer holds any hope of having the essentials that make it worth living. I am defeated and exhausted physically and emotionally. I want to go to sleep painlessly. I have been enduring for so long for the peace and the eternal rest.
It's Hard To Let Go!
How many times do we have to let go of things?
As a child I always thought that letting go was easier for adults. I believed giving up on things you want or love becomes easier with age.
The first memory of letting go is of the day when I was all dressed up to visit my best friend who was in town after years. I was counting seconds but dad asked to stay home for he changed his mind.
The next memory is of accepting the fact that for rest of my life I have to sleep without hugging mom. I thought I would never be able to let go of that particular craving.
Then moving out of the house where I grew up because probably dad couldn’t handle haunting memories. I told the 12-year-old me that one day I would go back and buy that house. Years later I went to my town and saw that the house was long gone out of the sight and there stands a tall shiny plaza.
I had to let go of the dream of doing major in forensic linguistics.
I had to let go of the job offer that asked me to travel abroad.
I had to let go the idea of raising children of my own.
I had to let go the idea that with time letting go becomes easier. No it doesn’t. But your heart does stop aching.
Letting go is not easy but it is not the end of the world. When we look around we see every day or week or month we let go of small thoughts. Thought to travel, thought to see friends, thought to change a house or stay at one place, thought to attend a concert, thought to finish the tasks on journal. These all are wishes and without them we are nothing but lifeless river which flows but without serving any good purpose.
So keep making plans even if they sound impossible and even if you have to let them go. Isn’t it better to have colorless dreams than to have none at all.
A Letter To Myself!
Dear new me,
I know you've changed alot. You don't like to socialize anymore. You hate people. Wanting to run to a place where nobody knows you. No excitement, even when it's your birthday. I still remember the day, 16 Dec, 2014, when people told you how unlucky you were to have your birthday on such a day.
When they joked about you being a mistake, not realising you actually feel like one. Damn, all those nightmares you were too scared of, they don't scare you anymore, do they? Remember how you used to be scared of darkness? Now you prefer staying in your room with lights off. That excitement when you achieved something, wait you don't even remember you achieved somthing or do you? Losing friends and loved ones don't make you sad anymore. Your idea of "living alone in a world I created" has driven you insane. Over-sensitive and a hysteric, people made you like that. It's not your fault. But I'm sorry I didn't realize what you'd turn into or else I would've helped you in some way.
You saw them burying you, while you were still alive. Your thought of "happy me" changed. Away from the reality, you forced yourself in fantasies. You realised why people become rude and now they address you as one of them. But atleast you learnt something in these years. Happy 16th to you.
From,
Your old self.
In The Winter!
I was looking at these lush trees by the side of the road, and suddenly I thought you are like them. Every style of yours is beautiful, you look charming and beautiful in every season. I was watching them carefully as the leaves of the trees were shaking from the cold wind, it was as if your hair was waving.
In winter, when the dew falls on the leaves of the trees, it feels as if your lips are getting wet. In the spring, when the flowers and buds are smelling, I feel as if these flowers have stolen the sweetness of your words. When the leaves fall in the autumn, when the sound of walking on the broken leaves under the blue sky resounds in the ears, the feeling of being yours is revealed.
It seems that all the resentment between us has fallen like these fallen leaves, and in the summer season, as the leaves of the tree become thicker, shadows appear everywhere, just as the shadows of our love deepen. When I get that shade of love, it feels like a traveler traveling in a hot season has a chance to relax. At that time there is a cool breeze of love and all that is needed is your presence.
Support Independent Women!
Hey guys please please support women who are independent. Stop showing them down . Those who earn , have worked their ass off , have every right to spend their money however they wish to . Stop judging them by saying aisay kaisay kamalia. Halal money doesn't come easy. I have worked my ass off since I was 15 . I didn't come from a rich family . My father passed away when I was 15 and we had to see the worse times ever . It was me then who stood up and managed everything with my studies. I have sold rolls and samosas on the road , I have sold food online , delivered too , I have worked my butt off , I have gone through that phase when I would be all tired and clients would be chewing my brain . I have worked in a school where they would make a teacher work like a slave . I repeat halal money doesnt come easy . It takes tears , blood and sweat .
Now that I run a tuition setup , I have come a long way :) it wasn't easy when I was the only one to support my Mama . People like me have seen life . I have seen Brutal life and I am proud I have made that Brutal life BEAUTIFUL.
A Women!
Everyone walked but i stopped behind ,
Your shoes are torn , you can wear mine ,
Don't worry those who left were not worthy of your time ,
Atleast you know you were in wrong line .
(We missed the show what to do?)
You were the show i wanted to see ,
Look at those eyes , full of mystery .
l want you to be my present and my history ,
I had a life full of failure yet here you are as my victory.
Take a warm shower , let me prepare the dinner ,
I lost the trophy but you still made me feel like a winner ,
Whats an angel like you doing in the hands of a sinner .
Stalking you feels like a crime ,
But yet i've seen your picture a thousand times .
Hideous like me with you , looks well and fine ,
Have a sleep I'll wake you up at 9 ,
Sweet dreams my valentine.
Not Me!
Don’t look at me,
I’m innocent you see.
All of this treachery,
Indecency.
Don’t suspect me,
This is blasphemy!
I’m not going anywhere,
This happened to me,
Stop acting so unfair.
I didn’t do any of this.
Yet still my end I see near.
I never picked up the knife,
I don’t know how I’m covered in blood.
I don’t know who did this,
All I know is that I’m the sole survivor,
The sole survivor of this act,
And of my family.
I’m scared,
My hands are shaking,
With this cubic cell I’m paired,
Into tears I’m breaking.
Yet somehow I feel,
A small part of my subconsciousness,
It’s laughing,
It’s dancing,
It’s celebrating.
At this point I don’t know what’s happening.
All that I have learned is,
There’s someone else in my head,
And I’ll make sure no one else meets him.
They won’t know him, I’ll long be dead.
Old Songs!
You remember those songs which you heard on the radio, the times when you didn't have a spotify playlist, that period when you downloaded audios from the internet or waited for them to be played on television.
This particular song dates back to those days,
so this is enough to give us a reason to be nostalgic.
no matter how busy your routine is
you do wait for that one
'good morning' text in the morning
as the sun brightens up the day
that person seems to brighten up your life
sunsets are a proof
that endings can be beautiful
what adds to this beauty is
probably painting skies
with a person who never lies
love does grow in the most intriguing ways
well, that's what some people say!
their presence becomes a constant
you may not be around them the entire day
but looking at that food joint
you remember how it's their favourite
going through a garden full of pink roses
reminds you of the dress she wore for
saturday dinner
these lines don't mean you see them
in everyone
it means the little details about each person
reminds you of them
you all might've come across this
clichè quote
that you know you love someone
when silence between you
becomes comfortable
so you needn't say things out loud
sometimes, let eyes do the talking
in case you are wondering
when you will find that someone
who will be like a hot cup of cocoa for
your wintertime blues
here's the answer!
You remember those songs which you heard on the radio, the times when you didn't have a spotify playlist, that period when you downloaded audios from the internet or waited for them to be played on television.
This particular song dates back to those days,
so this is enough to give us a reason to be nostalgic.
no matter how busy your routine is
you do wait for that one
'good morning' text in the morning
as the sun brightens up the day
that person seems to brighten up your life
sunsets are a proof
that endings can be beautiful
what adds to this beauty is
probably painting skies
with a person who never lies
love does grow in the most intriguing ways
well, that's what some people say!
their presence becomes a constant
you may not be around them the entire day
but looking at that food joint
you remember how it's their favourite
going through a garden full of pink roses
reminds you of the dress she wore for
saturday dinner
these lines don't mean you see them
in everyone
it means the little details about each person
reminds you of them
you all might've come across this
clichè quote
that you know you love someone
when silence between you
becomes comfortable
so you needn't say things out loud
sometimes, let eyes do the talking
in case you are wondering
when you will find that someone
who will be like a hot cup of cocoa for
your wintertime blues
here's the answer!
"Raste Mill Jate Hain
Manzilein Mill Jati Hain"
Armour Of Laughter!
All of the time
When crowds watched me
Laughing my lungs out,
I was sad.
In the very core of my weary existence
The looming pain swept thoroughly
Making my crippled heart bone-tired
So when the pain overflew
And spilled out of my eyes
I jammed it inside
In hollow places
Beneath my bones
And I polished my frazzled flesh
One more time
Just like a trivial's choice.
Shutting doors
On the face of my innermost
I wore a shining armor of laughter
And stepped out
leaving that haunted place behind
You call home.
Fireworks In Eyes!
I kept on walking behind him. He, unlike me, was walking in all his glory, his head shot upwards at the clouds that had dominated the sky. While I was walking in a way that'd make anyone doubt about my feet being hurt.
They really hurt, damn.
when I couldn't bear it no more, "I ain't going anywhere with you." I resisted this urge to sit with my legs crossed in the middle of road I was walking on.
He stopped and looked at me. Though, I couldn't quite tell the expression of his face but I had a guess that he'd be frowning at me.
"Why so, We are almost there." The cold atmosphere was almost freezing me to death. I internally praised myself for bringing the jacket with me.
"I am not going anywhere with you," I exasperated. Then something popped up in my head, "Why are we walking here where no human being could be spotted even at the distance of hundred miles,"
"You're exaggerating it," He said.
"Are you planning to kill me and throw me down that cliff?" I gasped.
A chuckle escaped from his lips, making me go all red with rage. I didn't realise that I had started walking with him when I almost bumped into him the moment he turned to me.
"You didn't answer me!" putting my hands on my waist, I hissed at him.
The guy had the audacity to grab my hand and pull me along with him.
"I wanted to have a walk with you in this beautiful weather and it's so sad that you brought a jacket, while I was planning to offer you mine,"
Ignoring the butterflies in my stomach, I retorted, "That's the hell of shit excuse and the later one is cringe to he honest."
liar, liar, liar.
I was really mad at him for dragging me with him on this stupid 'walk'. I would've had slept more rather than freezing here. The hella cold breeze was tickling my exposed skin.
He opened his mouth but closed the moment something was heard. His eyes shone and a large smile spread onto his lips.
"Oh the fireworks saved me, otherwise you'd have killed me," With a bewildered expression, I looked at him then at the colors beautifying the sky of night.
"I know how much you love fireworks," He murmured.
My heart was beating right in my ear and thousands of questions intrigued me.
"Did you—"
"No no no, You think I can do this? Man, some random person might've planned these, I must say, very perfect timing. Bless you stranger."
All of sudden, the warmth of his hand was enough for me to survive in cold night of December and butterflies were not 'ignorable' for me anymore.
I was no more looking at the fireworks in the sky but those reflecting in his eyes.
Why Would I?
Why would i not love the most lonesome soul for im an owner of same,
Why would i not welcome your precarious state of mind when im a home of same
Why would i not respect your indecisiveness to accept me or not though im absolute of my love for you.
Why would i not trust your instincts though you never bothered to express one,
Why would i not pull you out of your past traumas though im choked by my own.
Why would i not embrace your cuts and scars though I’m short of beauty myself
Why would i not treasure your silence beside me though im strangled by my own chaos.
Why would i not be possessed by your fragrance though im burning in my own griefs and guilts.
Why would i not provide you contentment though im suffocating in my own distress.
Why would i not stand by you through your nightmares though all i have is darkness within
Why would i abandon you, my love, when you’re that piece of love and art my fragmented soul longed for. The one which made me whole. My lucky star.
The Girl You Had But Never Deserved!
You saw her smile and not her eyes what she was going through no one knew,
You promised to have her back but you flew when she needed you,
You were her darkness while she was your beautiful view.
She remained silent when you were wrong ,
she couldn't loose you so she held on very long,
You ruined her life but she stayed strong,
You treated her wrong but she tried not to break the bond.
She made your decade while you couldn't make her day,
You only realized when she walked away.
no-one got a chance to say bye,
You lost the diamond now you wanna cry,
It wasn't suicide it was murder, where's the lie?
She stayed even when the things got heated,
She trusted you even when you cheated,
You won the war but still felt like you got defeated.
Was she a butterfly or an angel?
Full of courage full of hope?
Who was she? Who was she?
You stung that flower like a poisonous bee.
She wanted you to smile and grow,
You kept hurting that sparrow like a wild crow,
It was her innocence that she still went with the flow,
She wanted to stay but you forced her to go.
She never gaved you worries from her side,
This rollar coaster got her hard , no one knew this was her last ride.
The Day You Decide!
The day you decide to leave me
tell me exactly why did you decide it
were you planning it from weeks
or did it happen out of nowhere
hold my hands for one last time
talk to me about the stars and galaxies
and ask me to sing you a song
take out a piece of paper
and write down every feeling
that youve ever felt
and let me search for love
ask me question and tell me stories
that youve always wanted to share
The day you decide to leave me
take me to the bench where we first met
sit with me under the orchid tree down the street
and talk to me about love
tell me if you ever believed in it
or if youre going to believe in it
walk with me hundreds of miles
let me rest my head on your shoulder
tell me about the day you wanted to kill yourself
tell me about the smell that you still remember
tell me about your childhood and your mother
The day you decide to leave me
make sure to stay for a little longer
and allow me to collect memories
to cherish forever
let me look in your eyes and believe
in the vastness of universe
the day you decide to leave me
make sure that you never return
There Comes A Time!
There comes a time in your life..
Where u start to ask your self that hey ? Who is yours??
Where are those with whom u spent good time?
Where are those for whom u left everything?
Where are all those acts which u have done just to please people?
And what u have gained from all this?
And you just blank look...
And that time is the main time you start to feel that
What if u had done everything just to please your lord but not people?
And if u had pleased Ur lord u would have gained everything.. but now? Empty handed! Lost! Friendless!
But then again we start to remember that, He! The one! The creator! Is just waiting for us, he is waiting so that he forgive us and show his mercy... Shows that see! By pleasing me u can gain the main thing and that is ME* and
If u have gained Allah, then you don't need anything from life. Because the real peace is with him. He is the only one and ENOUGH for us.
In The Cage Of Social Media!
You say i feel anxious, depressed, stressed confused..
I will say social media plays a main part in it!
You say iam passing my time
I will say this is actually ruining your time
You say interaction makes me relax
I will say the more you interact the more you will get disturb!
#Wearetotallyconfined
In a cage of social media..
Wasting our time being here all day night and not doing any thing that actually gives relief..
Wasting time by thinking about the things which even doesn't make sense! Every new day we see some posts which makes us really depress,
Every other minute we see posts which resembles our situation and after reading the situation resemble post we start to think about it more! Damn! What our actual life is?? Your brain will tell you *YOUR SOCIAL SHARING* becaus now people know you who you are on Facebook Twitter whatsap Instagram,
You wanna know who they are? Just go through their timeline you will come to know..
Does our real life exist?
NO. We are confined in a cage of SOCIAL MEDIA :')
I should stop.
Maybe I write what I see, maybe my eyesight is weak.
Maybe I try to be right 'bout the things that are 'posed to be faulty, invalid, amiss.
Maybe I write with my right hand and that's the only right that you'll find in my writs (Yeah).
Maybe I'm planning of heaven and that too in devil's abyss.
Maybe I'm catching 'flu', that is why I can't just 'smell' the truth.
Who nose (knows)?
But I am not faking at all, that's it.
All coming straight from my heart.
Agree, That I'm flawed, be mistaking alot
But the fact is: I am like, "Very good"
When people be pointing out one bad, ignoring my many goods
Deep inside, my head is shook.
It's like, I'm having a parachute,
Jump from the height, then I find that it's not in the bag that I carried through.
Instead, in the bag that I handed to-
Someone else, cause he had-
in, no parachute, my wannabe sympathetic-ass
did him gratitude, for his help
By risking myself. Panicked, screwed.
If you know what I mean.
No. But, I think-
I should stop.
Tommorow is my Birthday.
It is going to be my 20th birthday tomorrow and I can claim i don't have even 0.1% excitement about that. I think now i have reached to a time of life where nothing matters except responsibilities that have gripped myself and lowered down all dreams.
2 years back i had a lot of fantasies regarding my career but failure made me think of my disability. Or might be my fall from hero to zero made me disappointed now it doesn't matter infact nothing matters. It is my hidden world where i live without anyone's share or interfering. I have zero percent confidence to face even a single person dont know how it begins to occur but my heart beats so hard 10 minutes before my destination where i go to prove me, my skills i fail,,, everytime i fail to tell people what i was prepared of.
I have no idea about what my future is going to be. What i think doesn't happen it always go contrary to what I think of something. I dont know the science behind that but i make myself so sure and brave and once it is upon facing world it all fall down to the dig. This piece of writing is nothing but my try to get in touch with people behind the mask of media. In my room i make two hours long speech, before going to present something i do practice it for a whole day just as i am now master of that but the next day all goes wrong with my shameful presentation.
I can't explain how much it matters to me even i dont know i will post it or not. How such person can be excited about birth date. I think it is good thing to face the fact of yours where you are weak you need to admit it and then start working on it. One day every single being like me will be able to say i was a person who couldn't even ask a question from teacher or answer a well known question in classroom even at university level. Such weaknesses are not shame, they give strength to get rid of them, help you develop your personality and character and make you aware of how people feel who have same issues as you once had.
@Rimsha
