It is going to be my 20th birthday tomorrow and I can claim i don't have even 0.1% excitement about that. I think now i have reached to a time of life where nothing matters except responsibilities that have gripped myself and lowered down all dreams.
2 years back i had a lot of fantasies regarding my career but failure made me think of my disability. Or might be my fall from hero to zero made me disappointed now it doesn't matter infact nothing matters. It is my hidden world where i live without anyone's share or interfering. I have zero percent confidence to face even a single person dont know how it begins to occur but my heart beats so hard 10 minutes before my destination where i go to prove me, my skills i fail,,, everytime i fail to tell people what i was prepared of.
I have no idea about what my future is going to be. What i think doesn't happen it always go contrary to what I think of something. I dont know the science behind that but i make myself so sure and brave and once it is upon facing world it all fall down to the dig. This piece of writing is nothing but my try to get in touch with people behind the mask of media. In my room i make two hours long speech, before going to present something i do practice it for a whole day just as i am now master of that but the next day all goes wrong with my shameful presentation.
I can't explain how much it matters to me even i dont know i will post it or not. How such person can be excited about birth date. I think it is good thing to face the fact of yours where you are weak you need to admit it and then start working on it. One day every single being like me will be able to say i was a person who couldn't even ask a question from teacher or answer a well known question in classroom even at university level. Such weaknesses are not shame, they give strength to get rid of them, help you develop your personality and character and make you aware of how people feel who have same issues as you once had.
