I Have Forgotten To Smile.

I plugged in the earphones, choosing a song with light music and raised the volume, while trying to make some room for me to sit comfortably on the rooftop. I helped myself with a warm cup of coffee and began to gaze at the fading shades of evening and the dark sky appearing. The moon was hovering and peeking behind the curtains of clouds that sailed in the sky as a rudder less boat in a stormy sea. The stars started to appear as the sunlight faded more and darkness grew larger.

I could feel the light cold breeze touching me, caressing me gently. It was almost seven in the evening and the city has started to buzz with people and traffic. The automobiles zooming here and there and skyscrapers lit with thousands of colors revealed the soul of the city. With music being played inside my ears so loud and clear, I was lost somewhere deep. My thoughts were entangled, irritating me to the core.

I decided to just give up on my thoughts but they were like following me. I stood up at my place, now leaning against the railing and started looking at the spirit of the people out there on roads. Enthusiastic, filled with mirth, brimming with happiness. Their laughs and melodious uproars making my empty self feel void like before. I could experience myself falling apart, breaking down and shattering into pieces, my soul bleeding and my eyes urging me to let out the frustration and anger I behold within myself.

I have forgotten to smile, to laugh and play. I was at my bad and no one else even did not care. I thought of myself an excellent pretender, who can just smile falsely with shattered self. Who can laugh with everything inside them dead. Who can go on acting for days to be okay. Because at the end of the day, it is only me who is my best friend, who is my best consoler, and the best therapist. I can never imagine to withstand the troll and judgmental remarks of the society about my anxiety and stress. I just cannot pour my heart to make anyone else feel sorry for me. I just can't!