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It's alright to not be fine. It's alright to not have a dream yet, not have common interests, dreams, and mindset with others. It's alright.
I'm at the point of my life where it feels so hard to live the way I want. I was often called skinny before so I gained weight, now I'm called fat. All those academic validation and titles I earned started strangling me with never-ending pressure. Often compared, all the confidence I kept building collapsed all over again...until I'm tired of building it.
I don't have a dream job. I just have a dream lifestyle. I chose the accountancy course just because it's related to business. The business world thrives with the economy so I guess it's one way to be rich because I have no plan to continue working under an employer my entire life. However, studying drains me for years now. I plan to just have a job that may or may not be related to my course after I graduate and then review for the board exam while working and saving for the review center. I feel like I'll waste money if I take the exam which only has a 15-18% passing rate. If I'll take that then I must be prepared. It's also unmotivating to work so hard when my salary wouldn't even keep up with my hard work. So high in standards but so low on salary.
I just hope my family will approve my plan soon. I'm gonna pause my journey to be a CPA. I'm not sad about that, as I've said I don't have a dream job anyway. I just wanna be rich as soon as possible. And I think it's okay to earn the titles later on when I'm ready.
I felt weird before and not normal because everyone around me has their dream jobs and dream university and I don't. I feel like I'm lost or maybe I'm stuck while others keep moving forward. However, I'm fine with my phase now. I just hope I'll not be pressured more as I'm taking my time.