It is written in the handbook that I helped create, that all men working in our office MUST wear a neck-tie. There are no exceptions. We work in an air-conditioned environment of perfected temperatures. This is how I want ALL my employees to dress.
I get it, I really do. You’re young. You want success. You want to introduce new ways of thinking and doing. But you have to pay respect to tradition. Hundreds of years of cultural bias have gone into the making of some of our greatest traditions. There are reasons why we do or act a certain way and we all should have respect for these artifacts of the past.
The neck-tie is one such custom.
I love the way it arrows straight down to my penis. I wear a fashionably large tie that slinks decisively over my protruding belly and down towards my large, man-size penis. Women can’t help but admire the girth of my tie. I adore walking through the secretarial hub grandly displaying my sense of fashion. The eye of the onlooker is directed straight down towards my groin. It’s such a turn on.
Back in the day, some 500 years ago, European noblemen’s importance was represented by the necktie. An item of clothing that originally derived from the codpiece. Now there’s a fashion statement! If only shops would sell a codpiece again. I, of course, would have to get an extremely large one to fit. Modesty has always been my best virtue.
Five years ago, I conducted a poll among the staff. I asked them outright how they all felt about wearing a necktie to work. Naturally, I asked only the men, after all, they’re the ones that have to wear the item of clothing. Why do I even need a woman’s opinion? It’s the 21st century and men can choose to ignore whomever they want without the need for explanation. This is the modern age.
It was no surprise to see the results. Ignoring the sycophants that are just trying to butter me up as their boss, there was overwhelming support in favor of the continual use of the necktie. The men, who came from well-established homes and brought up in a patriarchal fashion, all believed that standards had to be maintained. The necktie represented our company’s values and culture. It displayed heritage and social status. Only fine young men from good schooling of European traditions would understand.
There were a couple of complaints. Mostly from the minority staff who didn’t believe in the standards we were trying to teach. Raja, our Indian accountant, claimed it was an ‘enduring symbol of white male supremacy, silently serving to maintain white male values’. Raja carries a lot of baggage about colonialism and the former British Empire. It’s Mother England that has given him a home and treated him to the delights of a rich cultural heritage. Not like that squalid Indian dump, he claims to have never visited. I don’t care if he’s born and bred from the Midlands. If he doesn’t like it, then he should go back to India.
Do you see what happens when you introduce race and passive-aggressive arguments into the workplace? It causes all manner of problems. I’m the Boss and it’s up to me to dictate how I want my business and my employees to operate. I set the standard by which all others have to fall in line. There are no exceptions.
Lisa was another loud moaner. She wanted a vote. I told her this didn’t affect her, but Lisa is stubborn. She came into work wearing a necktie that barely covered her large buxom. I sent her home for being insubordinate. I can’t have women acting like they’re in charge and pretending that gender is fluid, like fashion. I said to her “the male vote represented all votes that counted.”
If I didn’t want to change the status quo, I wouldn’t be giving the power to make a decision to the people who had an interest in changing it. That’s how this office operates. That’s how we remain a viable, modern business. That’s how democracy works. We are all allowed to express our opinion, no matter how wrong, as long as the staff show respect to the institution.
I suspect this wasn’t an issue entirely about the practice of wearing a necktie. Then again, I’m never wrong when it comes to tradition.