As a Human, I commit mistakes too. Me, You, or us can experience many things like you should, or you should not. This is the first time that I realize many things that I did in my life and I am thinking of many questions, I ask myself "Why I do all of these things?" Of course, We do and we did anything and everything with a reason and It happened with a reason.
It is my hobby to talk to myself when I am lonely and I do stupid things that may cause other people blame me. I don't know why I do that but, it is my way to comfort myself from that things that make me feel down. Because, I know that to myself that I don't have someone that can comfort and understand me. Me, Myself, and I am just the only one that I need in that kind of situation.
As a young and immature person in the past, I do the things that I should not do. I can't believe that I do the things that make my life misserable. It is because of the darkness around me that cause of 'I see the dark and not the light'. I choose to walk in the path that it is not part of my dreams. I struggle, I stop in the middle of the road and look back where I walk... I look with a eyes of loneliness and I said to myself 'Where am I?'
In continuation of that Night.. I am in the middle of that Road and I am shock because my sorrounding was change, it became more darker than I expected and there are many sword in the path that I am walking and looking down in my feet, there was a sword and my feet it--wounded and I don't feel the pain and there I am again asking myself, 'Why I don't feel the pain?' .
I am confused at that moment! I don't know what to do! I am in the middle of thinking If I will continue to walk in that path or turn my back and walk to the path where I walk before but in the end, I decide that I will turn my back but then... There are many big thorns in the road and it is not clean just like where I walk before. I am doomed!
I sit in a little time while I endure the feeling where I feel the difficult moment what's happening. Because, that how I supposed to do the endure, endure, and endure. I shout 'Yes, I am like that!' I release breath then talk like there is someone beside me who is listening but there is nothing '...I endure those things that's why I feel alone'.
I am good at pretending so I laugh at that moment while I think what to do because that is I supposed to do, when there is a problem-Just laugh and think that It is just nothing compare what I feels in my sorroundings.
I stand like a brave hero because I think that there will never happened if I just sit like an idiot and endure the pain. I rolled my eyes of how many big thorn in my way but I didn't care and I just walk in the path and I didn't also care if I will hurt because 'Why should I be afraid of those if I am get used to it?'.
I consider The way of big thorn as a way of the past and The other way is the way of sword of beginning.
What I choose? Nothing, I just walk in the way of the big thorn because that is where my feet walk on their own. Well, I think it is also good to walk in the past to face all of those things that making me weak, enduring the pain, and making myself suffer and not running away. I don't like to begin my life without solving and facing those pain and problems. Realize the things that I do that it should to be not. I don't like to see myself continue to walk the path of beginning and continue to do these things. 'I should...learn and make myself strong so that I am not weak when I will face the new battle of life'.
And here I am. Walking the Path where I choose and I know that I am not done because I am still in the way of solving the things that I did. The other things I already learned, there's more and I am prepared to walk in the thorn even if it is hurts at least I am learning to my mistakes. I wish, I will walk in my new beginning soon but I am not still that Strong and I wonder if what will happen, if I will still weak then I can't face the new begin of my Life.
Let me tell you at this end that I am trapped because I still commit the things that I do that It should supposed to be not to do.
Thank you for reading I hope that you understand it.
Yeah You're right..lonely road is very painful thing.. But we need hold our breath and keep going.