(NO THIRD PARTY INVOLVE)
I'm writing right now just to ease my pain. Its really hard to tell my story to the other person it might end up pass also my story to other people. At least here no one knows me. And I feel like I'm literally tired, hurt, and I think I'm drowning because of my problems right now.
At first I think I was the one who are being selfish.. I already tried my best. I did try everything. Even it need to sacrifice my own happiness, I'm willing to give up just to make him happy.
3 years in a relationship and 1 year and 1 month being a married couple so were being together for more than 4 years. The last time I wrote here I've said that I'm happily married but I think I was pretending from the start. Or maybe Im inlove with the idea of being inlove. Im just fooling myself that he loves me. Just to show anyone that I am lucky.
Way back 4 years ago, he never courted me. We are just playing "DARE" games and that's the reason why we landed to each other. But as the days goes by I am slowly falling inlove with him. I know in myself that once I love that certain person I will give my all. Time, EFFORT, love, and even it includes financial thing, it doesn't matter to me. Even if he will not give back what I did to him and for our relationship, it's okay as long as I feel secure and being 100% loyal..
Now I question myself. Is it really worth it to understand him at all? Im not into materialistic things but sometimes I feel insecure whenever I saw someone making an effort to his girl. Because my husband? Naaa. Even once he did not even give me at least 1 flower. Even in our important occasions like birthdays and anniversary. He just only greeted me and then done. Nothing more nothing less. Sometimes I was the only one who exerting much effort for us to celebrate. I dont want to count anything what I did to my husband and for our relationship but sometimes I question myself.
Sometimes, I saw him watching sexy girls in social media or watching some p*rn. And I feel like it was insulting me, for my part. But I did chose to silent. Its very hard to explain. I mean do I really deserve this? To the both of us, I think was the one who is much more giving love.. And it reallt really hurts me.
Sometimes, I really feel like to have bonding with him like watching movies but how? he's always in the phone playing games. He cannot even concentrate with me.
If he doesn't have money to buy gasoline for his motorcycle sometimes I will give him.. Or if he was hungry I immediately buy him food. I dont know what to do.
Am I being immature? Please. If someone could help me. Kindly comment your advice. It will really help me alot. Thank you everyone! 😔
I dont think you're being immature. Everyone's feelings are always valid. Remember that. Also I don't think you'd feel that way if he didn't do anything wrong, which he did. You have to tell him how you feel. Communicate. If he doesn't listen after how many times of trying. I don't know what you should do then.