I love and hate you so much.—————————————

Title: I love and hate you so much.

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Your love towards me was so sweet. I remember how loved I felt...But it didn't last long. Suddenly after getting a job and new friends you started to act colder towards me and it's always off and on. One second you love me and the other second you get easily annoyed at me over the smallest things. I rushed a lunch with a friend to come over to your house because you wanted me to yet when I was over, your phone was glued to your hand. You texted instant paragraph replies to people and yet when I texted you, you reply a while later with short replies even though your phone is always on you.

You broke up with me and told me all these hurtful things like there are many more things that I prioritize over you and the few days without you, I was the happiest I've ever been etc. I get it...we all have priorities but it just somehow hurt when you made me feel like I wasn't one of them🥺 So when we got back together the day after I was so happy but then that didn't last long since I couldn't forget the things you said. You don't believe that reassurance is necessary in a relationship but it's hard for me to not be confused when you treat me like a princess one second and like trash the second. Sometimes when I feel down I just want to talk to you and communicate but why do you make me feel guilty for voicing my concerns...I feel too scared to say anything because I was scared you would react negatively. Turns out my gut feeling was right...Every time I get enough courage to tell you, it turns into an argument...You get angry at me and then you don't want to deal with me anymore. The thing that made me finally decide to break it off with you was the time I tried so hard to tell you that I apologize for the fact that I did not understand what you were trying to say and just wanted you to be patient with me 🥺 You told me one thing but contradicted yourself so I wanted to hear it from you that you didn't just lie to me. I don't want to be the one making excuses for you the way I always do...in the end I apologized for not understanding and just wanted patience but you just said I'm going to sleep. Brushing me off like that...I'm sorry that I couldn't fight harder for us but I hope you enjoy life without me, after all you were happier that way right? I really did love you but somehow you made me feel loved and hurt all at once. I hope you can smile brightly like you once did around me and that there can be people who will love and be there for you the way I couldn't. I know you were going though stuff even though you never told me what it was. I still hope you feel okay. I hope you heal, and I hope you find someone who wasn't weak like me who gave up bc her heart couldn't take it anymore🥺...I hate you for hurting me and yet I still love you for letting me be an important character in your story even if it was only a chapter in your book. See you at work, I don't talk to you because I can't risk falling for you...But, I still miss you.

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- Girl who needs to move on 🥺