Moving on
At the beginning, it will hurt. It will consume you. It will knock you down, tear you apart. The memories and pains follow you everywhere.
You won't be able to stop thinking, what went wrong, why is this happening, why is this pain unstoppable.
You wake up with puffy eyes and swollen nose, because last night you cried yourself to sleep. Your heart just won't stop aching, till the pain can be felt physically. It's just so unbearable, indescribable, at some point you just wish to stop your live.
I've been there before. I thought I could never make it. I almost gave up. I guess I have died so many times.
That's how love killed me once upon a time.
However after a while, the hurt, hurts less. As time goes by, I kinda feel numb, maybe I'm getting used to it. I started to see reason, and understand, not all the things will work out they way we want them to be. Maybe it's just a phase of acceptance. But that's the sad truth.
Heartbreak is inevitable. Especially from someone you love. The hardest part isn't goodbye, but to live without them. But you know what, it seems impossible in the beginning, until your mind got clearer. Until your heart finds its peace. That is where you realize,
A chapter of your life is done. And you got to move on to your next chapter. But this time, you are stronger, wiser, and aware. Aware of how love can be so fragile and pure, yet has the power to break, shatter and destroy you.
Moving on is not something to work on. You don't wake up in the morning thinking what can you do today to move on. As much as you think to yourself how to make it work, you won't be able to.
Because it is actually, a learning process. A painful, yet meaningful.
You learn that you can't have expectations. You can't expect someone to love and want you as much as you do. No matter how powerful your love is toward them, if they decides to leave you they will.
But honestly you can't really blame them.
I've read this a lot.
"If you really love that person, you will want them to be happy. Even if their happiness is meant to be without you. You will respect that and let them go. Because you want them to be happy"
A forced love, is not love. It is possession.
Today, my heart no longer hurt over that person. No hate, no grudges. I'm thankful instead, for this meaningful lesson of life. It was hard, I swear. But it's over.
And this is just, a long time ago. A story that I've deeply buried. And it didn't bothers anymore.
Let it go.
Let it hurt.
Let it teach you.
Let it build you.
The pain won't go, but you'll be stronger. Wiser.
Wise enough, as who you allow yourself to love.
And yes,
I let myself to fall in love again.