Some of us have a habit of feeling guilty about all the things that are not going according to plan. Even if it is something as small as someone else not feeling hungry.
For some reason, that is usually related to our need for community and belongingness, we feel responsible for the people around us. Even if we cross paths with them for that one moment only. We are programmed that way. The sympathetic way. We feel for others even if we try not to. We want to help others even if they don't want us to.
In turn, when something not usual happens around us, we start to feel guilty.
To the extent that we start blaming ourselves for the choices that others make. That may be in some way we can influence their choices for the better. And, if it doesn't happen then we blame ourselves for not trying hard enough. In some cases, for not doing the right thing.
But is it really our fault?
Is it our fault for someone else not making good decisions for themselves? As someone who cares about that person, it is up to you to suggest what can possibly be another way of looking at a problem or a situation. We can provide different perspectives.
We can even help with figuring out multiple possible solutions for whatever the situation might be. But the final decision, will not be ours. We cannot choose for other people like other people can't choose for us.
Letting other people decide a course of action for your life, is also a choice that you will make and so will someone else.
But know that no matter what the outcome is, whether in your favor or not in your favor, you have no one to blame but yourself. The same goes for everyone else.
No matter what the situation you are in, it can always get better but only if you choose to
Whatever course of decisions and actions bought you to a certain point in life, now it is your choice to whether -
(A) to relive that moment over and over again. Be it in your head, or talking about it with everyone that you meet. There is no point emphasizing that one thing that didn't work out. Or even blame other people for not telling you better or manipulating you into taking a certain decision. I have news for you, it wasn't them, it was you.
You made the choice, and now you have to pay the price.
(B) to look back, understand what happened, and how you could have made a better decision. Learn from what happened and without blaming anyone for anything that happened, move on. The best that you can do is to not repeat the same mistake twice.
Reliving the things that didn't work out won't help you make things better, but analyzing and accessing it to learn from it will.
"You are the master of your destiny."
So take responsibility for it as well.
You have nothing to feel guilty about
Things happen in life. Some favorable, some not so favorable. Feeling guilty about all that did not go right, won't help you make things better.
Yes, I know, you don't want to feel that way, but it happens. Try not to fight it. Pushing them down and trying to feel a certain way only makes us bitter. It's better to let yourself feel the way you feel and try to understand all that you can control. Don't beat yourself up for the things that you can't.
I read it some time ago -
Two ways of looking at a situation :
1) Is there a problem? ---if no---> Why worry?
2) (a) Is there a problem? ---if yes---> Can you do something about it?---if no---> Why Worry?
2) (b) Is there a problem? ---if yes---> Can you do something about it? ---if yes---> Why Worry?
So basically, there is no point worrying. Do what you can, and leave the rest for others to figure out and cut yourself some slack!