For part of my life, I thought that one person could only choose one personality for themselves that will remain their identity for the rest of their lives. Like you can choose to be good, you can choose to be a bully, a giver, someone selfish, overconfident, and many more. Much like smurfs.
"- Just because your name is grumpy doesn't mean you have to be grumpy!
- Yeah it does"
As time passed I saw that no one wanted someone to be one person everywhere. The adults often taught that one should act respectfully and obediently with the older people, and respectfully but friendly but the ones your age. Protective and caring were the main traits while being around someone younger than yourself.
Basically multiple traits and features of maybe one personality that sort of re-organized themselves according to the situation and priority.
So did that mean that I didn't have the choice to be one person?
False. How I see it is that no one person feels only one emotion. Personalities are formed based on the way we react to the situations we are in. Are you a problem-solver or an ostrich? Are you an extrovert or prefer your own company?
Now sometimes, especially as children, we are told to do certain things even if we don't want to do it. Like greeting some people who always pull our cheeks. Something that the kid doesn't like, but they do it. So the kid doesn't want to be nice to that person but is forced to do so.
Having multiple reactions to multiple situations is normal. But having multiple reactions to the same situation that repeats could be experimentation or that you don't know who you are.
Don't worry, it happens
Try not to blame your parents and guardians for not knowing better. You too sometimes don't know any better. Blaming is just an easy way out and a very sorry excuse for you not making your own choices.
If you are getting the benefits of all the things that they did right, food on the table, timely education, birthday gifts, a place you can call home, a hug when you were scared, and soup when you were sick, then you will also get the disadvantages of all the things that they did wrong. No one's perfect you know.
They told you what to do as a child, but what about when you became an adult? You chose to stick with it and keep blaming for not trying hard enough to change.
It's okay to not know who you are. It's okay that you were constantly told what to do and how to do it. You can reprogram yourself and discover your true nature.
Guess what, in case you don't like what you find, you can change the coding and write a new program.
Choose your personality
What I have observed is that you may not be able to control all the situations around you. But what you can choose is your reaction to it. And, this my friends is what builds a personality. Your reactions.
So instead of choosing to be extrovert, friendly, loving, loved try choosing, "I will be kind to people no matter what." Or "I will always look out for myself and my family. I will always have their back." Or "I will always take a moment before responding to anyone. And, if I have to take big decisions, I will always sleep on it first."
I am trying to say that your actions, reactions, and choices form your personality overall. This also forms a uniformity to who you are as a person and takes that unpredictability out of the equation.
It also gives you a sense of calm when you know who you are and the things that you stand for. Trust me, once you come face to face with yourself, you will never have to compromise ever again.
