Serious Stuff

0 21
Avatar for QuertTheExplorer
3 years ago

Do you feel it?

this is gonna be a serious entry cause I thought I learned something important bout myself

might be true might be academically not but eh it helps me

let's talk about validation

this seems to be a foundation of confidence

when you say your own thoughts in exchange for an expectation

and that expectation was not met?

what would happen to you

that feeling of having no control, and the overbearing thought of "they must hate" me fogging up your mind

and this will leave you traumatized and this will create a wiring in your brain and if you have not been aware at this train of thought

then will this be become a loop?

even if it is, it's not too late to fix that right?

we just need to trigger it to create another wiring in your brain

fascinating?

imagine if you have been living in a life where they only validate you when it's always about them

like you are a caregiver of their own needs, but no reciprocality was given back

i mean yea ye shall not be kind in expect from something

but what if it's your parents, your foundation?

is it selfish to ask for something like emotional guidance?

I think this is where a reactor is born

we failed to recognize our own train of thoughts

cause we're too much preoccupied in what the other people see us as

and what shall we do to be that person

because it hurts when they're disappointed,right?

I have been at lost for a long time

cause i was dumbfounded on how quickly they react at things

and how they could have improptu speeches when talking to people

I usually have no thoughts or would stutter alot when I'm talking about myself or my own opinion

like if I have never seek validation from my opinion, I'm too scared to say it

That's why this diary helps me realize alot of things yeyeye

I have wondered how they could have a stream of consciousness

which mine only comes once in a while

this might explain my foggy memory

cause from my experience I could only remember things if I have this stream of consciousness

that's why now I would think about things no matter how unneccessary they are

like i'm writing at my laptop at this time and i'm sitting in a chair with me feeling like this and like that

especially feelings, that helps alot

also we have this ideology where we strive to be happy

but in the process of disregarding sadness

like this "no its just a thought,i'm happy"

no you're not

you're having a chemical inbalance

seek help

i've had this thought when I was in 6th grade

I read my old diaries and I was sad but choose to be "happy"

whatever that means

I don't think that helped me as much as I've helped myself now

I think I only got emotionally worse

cause the time I got self-aware

I had already created a void

I was missing alot of stuffs emotionally

yayaya

so yea if you're sad then you're sad

you're the only one who knows what you feel

no need to seek validation from it

I hope this makes sense

but when it made sense to me

I now have this overflowing amount of unneccessary confidence

I can talk to people better now

well by that I mean, I can say what's on my thoughts now rather than saying what I thought they are gonna say

I'm just myself rather than "acting"

and also now I have a stream of consciousness

now, I'm keeping track of a lot of things

but this a lot of things makes me efficient in life and myself

so now I have known this.

Let's see how this will go

3
$ 0.00
Sponsors of QuertTheExplorer
empty
empty
empty
Avatar for QuertTheExplorer
3 years ago

Comments