@Probinsyana 27 February 2022

What is the biggest secret you have kept from your parents? A chilli'n Sunday my lovelies! How y'all? I hope everyone is doing great. Today should be my rest day co'z my boyfriend and I always plan this day as our time together, no work to do that's why sometimes I'm missing in action during Sunday. However, things changed as my boyfriend had to attend their CHARITY RIDE (motor club), their goal is to help those people in need. At 4 or 5am I guess they start to travel to the place where they will be donating some food and medicine. I'm pretty sure everything went well though I'm still worried about him. `Anyway, let's move on to another Diary Question where I want to answer, this could be fun.`

**What is the scariest dream you have ever had?** When I see my family die, that's the scariest dream I have co'z I don't want it to happen and never will. I don't care about those horrors I've been dreaming of co'z that's way too far from having a dream of losing someone. They are my life, my home and my peace. I might don't have the power to control things but I will make sure it shouldn't be now. I want to give back to my parents, I want to spoil them, I want to travel with them and I want to buy stuff that they don't have. This might sound futuristic but I will do it no matter what it takes. I don't want to see my parents suffer for what reason. All I want for them is the "Happiness" painted over their faces, no worries, no pain, no regrets and no disappointment. But I wish my dream will not happen, not now,not forever. Am I that selfish? **How can you love yourself more?** Well maybe giving myself more importance. It's been quiet now since I haven't given it to myself. I mean I always have doubts about my capability, what if that's killing my self-esteem. I always judge myself about if such things happen I'm sure I can't make it. I always look down on myself and trust me it sucks. But for now, I have to always look for the brighter side, I may not be perfect (no one is) but I will make sure I have something that I never give to myself. That would be seeing "My real value". I am worth fighting for, I'm worth being loved, I deserve happiness and pain-free. I deserve every goodness. **What is a mistake people often make about you?** I'm a strict woman yet an innocent one. I see this as a mistake co'z I'm not. I'm not a girl who seems like I don't know how to break a glass. I'm not a girl who can just bully and say nothing. I'm not a girl who they can just judge co'z after all I'm a fighter. I might look perfectly innocent but I got some stupidity. Yes truly, I'm not a simple, shy and mute woman I'm totally the opposite but of course it only depends who I am with. If you are a plastic person then I am more to that, co'z I can burn you. If I'm to those people who act perfect then I can tell you, you aren't and will never be. If you are a good person to me then I'll do the same. I am what I am but my attitude depends on you. If you treat me nicely then I'll do the same, if you do the opposite then I'll do the worst.

**What is the biggest secret you have kept from your parents?** That I'm tired of everything, I'm not the type of daughter who always tells them what I feel co'z I don't want them to be worried. When they ask me how I am? Then I always have to say "Ok ra ma uy" (I'm okay mom). I'm selfish with my feelings because I always say they deserve happiness, not the opposite. I might be into something right now which I can't spill it out here but I'll make sure that they won't know what I'm dealing with. I'm okay with that and I used to **How do you feel about this last week/month/year?** **Challenging**, one word to describe this year, weeks and months. It challenges me whether physically, mentally and financially. Lead image is taken from scientificamerican.com `How about you, can you say something? That would be all for now my lovelies! Keep safe and keep rocking on top.` Flexing my beautiful and handsome sponsors ❤️