Difference between my Grandmothers

"What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make."

- Jane Goodall

I remembered while growing up, how mom would never want us to associate with any guy. They would say we should be careful because once a guy touches us, we are already pregnant. We also believed them and were careful not to be touched by the guys for the fear of getting pregnant. I began to realize that when a lady reaches a certain age, she is expected to bring a man home. I also remembered when I felt jealous seeing an Aunt in our compound brought a man home and they got married. I was still in Primary School then. I also wanted such and so, I wanted to grow up quickly so I can bring a man to my parents.

They say when a lady gets to a certain age and does not bring any man home, it means something is wrong with her. We also know that when a lady grows up and finishes her education, the next thing to ask is "who are you dating?" "You should bring someone home now that you are of age"

I and other children looked forward to that day too when they will ask us "who are you in a relationship with?" But we never dared open our mouths to say "I have a boyfriend"….or else, be ready for the beating of your life. We were careful even if there was any guy then, it would be a secret thing but we kept hoping when the secret would be opened so that people would know this is my guy, she is my babe thing.

I didn't believe it when my Dad called me one day, last year precisely and talked about marriage. It was so funny that I laughed. I was like "I am ripe now to talk about marriage to" I told my friends and they laughed too.

This made my maternal grandmother keep calling to ask for my boyfriend. It got to an extent, I wasn't picking her calls again because I am tired of her asking me such and to make it more frustrating, she would tell me not to marry from any other tribe apart from my tribe because to her belief, other tribes are killing and eating humans 😁

I asked her "what if God brings a man from another tribe?" She would say no, that God will not do that. She is always on her stand that we must marry from my Mom's town which is Ijebu in Ogun state. My sisters and I would laugh hysterically and she would get angry because of that. I don't know what is wrong with grandma that she isn't even talking about God's will but all she is after is to get married to a man who isn't destined for us? She would even go to the extent of comparing us to her Son's daughters who are already married but I would remind her we aren't the same and our destinies aren't the same. God's time is the best, we would tell mama but she doesn't want to listen.

I know a little about my mom's family and so, I don't pray for such a lifestyle and to think of going into a marriage that isn't God's ordained, I won't do that. I stopped picking her calls because she has nothing other than get married quick, marry this, don't marry that. What if I get married to a white man, will mama stop me? Lol

Then my paternal grandmother, I love this woman. I was brought up in a godly way and mama has always taught us about God which my maternal grandmother never did. Well, I can't blame her because her husband was a chronic herbalist before he gave his life to Christ and died. I don't think grandma is a Christian though because of her mentality in marriage.

My paternal grandfather was a reverend and so, we were taught in God's way. Two weeks ago when I came home, mama called me as she had never talked about marriage to me before. I knew she respected me and wanted me to finish school. Mama is a retired teacher and is educated more than my maternal grandmother. You can see the difference.

Mama talked to me gently and said "Busayo, if you have any man in your life, do not hesitate to tell me so we can pray about it, before I die" I was surprised at those words and I quickly compared it to what my other grandma was saying.

The other one was after me getting married to a particular tribe while my paternal grandmother was after a godly home for me. Can you see the difference? I want to be like her because she lived a good life and married the right man for her. My paternal grandparents never had any issue before grandpa died. Papa was a reverend and a true man of God before he died and he left a big legacy for his children and grandchildren. I am so happy to have been brought up in such a good home.

Well, I am not in any way against my mom's family but I have realized they do not know much about God. They keep comparing other children's marital life and never ask about our education or future. I don't want a life where I would have a broken home in the future and so, my sisters and I are taking our time for God to choose for us. I only hope it doesn't get delayed for us. Amen.

Thanks for reading

Image by Hillary on Unsplash

[April 13, 2022] (No 103 article for the year)