Being pressured..

11 47
Avatar for PrettyDiane
3 years ago

Hi. This is me again Prettydiane. I am writing this article because I really felt heavy inside lately. Just want to open it here to lighten this heavy feeling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is September 10, 2021, 2:36 p.m. I really feel pressured, empty and frustrated right now. I've been keeping it for a while now and it is already too much for me to handle these mixed emotions I've been keeping.

When..

One of the reason is PRESSURE. I feel pressured about my goals in life. I studied for 7 long years in college and just when I thought everything was going smoothly, Covid happened. Didn't had the chance to participate in any graduation ceremony because it was postponed 'till now. Even the board exam was postponed. The pressure of me wanting to give back to my parents grew bigger each day. I feel useless for being a jobless woman for 2 years. I feels useless for just sitting here crying about all these mixed emotions I've been carrying. And I want it to stop. I don't know if my period affects my sudden burst of emotions today, but yes, I literally feel all of those lately.

Why..

We're 8 in the family, my sister is the only one providing for us. I feel ashamed if sometimes I can't help them in paying bills at home. They didn't ask me money but the fact that they are not asking makes me want to help them because obviously they need my help. How could I help my family if I couldn't even help myself stand up and be strong. For those of you who didn't know me, I've been actually suffering from anxieties for more than a year now. It is the reason why I can't sleep peacefully every night. I always have a tiring day because my mind just creates worst scenes in my head. I only calmed down thinking God is with me.

Comparing..

It became worst seeing my friends getting their goals in life. Some already has a business and it is continuously growing. Some are getting pregnant. Some are getting married. Some are enjoying their lives travelling around the world, and here's me, a jobless woman who isn't prepared to get married yet because I am not financially stable and emotionally ready.

I still have lots to prove to myself and to my family. I still want to become a licensed Civil Engineer. I want to make them proud because of the success I've become. I just want to be like others.

But, I shouldn't..

I shouldn't compare myself to others because they are they and I am, me. I should not envy others because they worked hard everything they have right now before they became successful. I should be proud of myself because I am an independent woman who dreams big for her family. I should be proud of myself because I've conquered those 7 years in college working as a callcenter while studying. I should be proud of myself because despite of those challenges, I never stop myself from dreaming.

~~ A little advise to myself~~

Your small success is still a big success. Your life may differ to others but know someone believes in you because you also believe in them. Be thankful for all the small things you have because contentment is one of the secret to not feel jealous towards other's success. You are not alone, your family is with you most especially God.

Sorry for being so emotional. I felt i needed to release it. I felt I needed someone's advise.

Thank you reading my article! Sorry if I have to burst it out!

5
$ 0.15
$ 0.05 from @bbyblacksheep
$ 0.05 from @Pichi28
$ 0.05 from @rebeysa85
Sponsors of PrettyDiane
empty
empty
empty
Avatar for PrettyDiane
3 years ago

Comments

Don't pressure yourself. Kasi the more na ippressure mo sarili mo, the more ang self-pity. Been there, done that. Mahirap actually. Isa din reason bakit di na ako masyado nagFacebook/Instagram/Youtube. I can't help but to envy other people. Pero alam ko that before those people.achieve what they have today, they also went through a lot. I have been on and off from work over the past decade. Ever since it has been my das who haa been providing for us until now. His pension is just enough for the utilities, basic necessities and their maintenance medicines. I have been unemployed for almost 5 years. Not something that I should be proud of but I am really trying my best so I can one day be able to help my dad.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

I really can relate. I have been unemployed for 2 years na rin. Minsan kase pag nasa ganito kana palamg stage nang, ang gusto mo nalang ay makatulong sa family mo kahit di na related sa course ko yung work basta magkakapera ako.

Thank you for your advise. Will follow it. I appreciate you kase sinusuportaan mo ako dito kahit di ako kasing galing nang iba. Haha

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Sobra. Talagang kapag nagmature na marrealize na yung to give back to our parents. Naku ako sa more than 10 years ko nagwork eh wala pa sa kalahati ng 10 years ang pag tulong ko sa parents ko kasi yung sahod ko talagang inaangkin ko. Kasi mentally ko noon ay pinaghirapan ko so akin lang sahod ko. Then hindi naman din ako pinag obliga ng parents ko na magshare sa expenses. Hindi din naman ako nagkusa. Kaya nung madaming challenges sa life namin, doon ko narealize ang importance ng family and that I should value and give back to them.

Hehe. Lahat tayo magagaling. Don't think na hindi ka kasing galing ng iba. We all are good in different ways. 😉

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Don't stress or think too much about your future. You will definitely achieve your goal, you just need to wait patiently. Don't consider yourself as a burden, I know this pandemic did a lot bad thing in our life but it didn't stay forever.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Knowing is the first step, this pandemic won't last a lifetime and you'll have your chance to prove yourself Don't forget prayers work

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Thank you! I always do pray. Thanks for passing by. It means a lot.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

There there diane. Let it out so you can process it. One day and one step at a time

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Thank you so much Pichi. You're presence is much appreciated.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Let it all out and don't get swallowed by shame, there is nothing wrong with expressing yourself and feeling what you're feeling. All the things that I could say to you had been said already by you. Breathe and cheer up, good things will come for you as long as you keep fighting for what you want. Trust me, I've been there...

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Thanks so much @rebeysa85. This is a great help for me.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Yes sis, its hard for them especially to those who are unemployed because of the pandemic brought to feel anxiety and uncertain sort things. Just press on!!

$ 0.00
3 years ago