What about what do I WANT?

What about what do I WANT?

We all grew up, learning from our parents that we “had” to do this, we “had” to do that, and as years passed, we continue learning from teachers to friends, relatives, husbands, wives, bosses that we “have” to do something. Fair enough I would say, but where is the “STOP” button to all of this? I mean, sometimes we feel like we are chocking with things we despite doing, or don’t feel ready/have the motivation to do them, and we just pushing ourselves to move on. Is this correct or not? I’d say… It depends!

Let’s start with some examples. In the first example, suppose you are a famous athlete, and now you must succeed in the Olympic games. You are SO familiar with “have to” and pushing yourself to the limit, so you find it very clear that this is exactly what you should be doing, trying to focus on your target, and leave negative thoughts and/or even pain to distract you.

In the second example, you are an exhausted housewife, who never worked although you deeply wanted it, but you were raised in a family who learned you that you “have to” marry when you’ll grow old, it’s not necessary to study, and the importance in life is to have a happy family. So, you are feeling sad about things you never done, you curse (at least inside you) when there isn’t any money spare for you to buy something beyond grocery, children’s needs, bills etc. You must listen to your husband mumble when he can’t afford the living with the money he gets, and you still don’t speak, argue, try to change things, because that’s life, that’s what you “have to” do until you die.

In the third example, you are a worker in someone’s industry. Doesn’t matter if you are woman or man, you just work there for some money. You grew up with parents who offered you everything they possibly could, and they let you choose for your life, trying not to interfere in it. You weren’t a good student, so you chose not to study in a University. You started working from an early age (about 16) and you never succeed to become something more than just a worker. Still, you feel peaceful inside, because you don’t have the feeling, you’re doing something you “have”, but something you WANT.

Let’s see now, who’s having the best life? All of them and none? Some of them? None of them?

The secret is one: grow up, be mature. Don’t stuck in the past. Don’t try to use excuses and always blame your parents, the weather, God, the bird that flew or the rain that fallen… YOU must take your life in your hands, see what you really need, what do you really love, what do you really WANT, and then if you don’t have it, try to change it.

So, in the question before, there is no answer. Everyone is happy, and none is. It depends how you look at it, what his/her beliefs are, and mostly if he/she understands there is a problem or not. We tend to grumble for our lives, thinking we tried our best and put the blame in everybody else, except us.

If in the first example the athlete feels stressed that much, he needs medication and he doesn’t want to have it as a price to be famous, he can always stop it.  No family, no friends, no coach can stop you from what you WANT. If you choose to live with “have to”, press yourself hard, and maybe you see that medication is coming, if that’s what you really WANT (have to = want), then you are satisfied with your life, and there isn’t any problem for you.

This goes too in the second example, if the housewife likes to grumble for her life, and does nothing to change it for the better, maybe she doesn’t really WANT it. Or maybe her want and have to are equal.

For the third example, there isn’t any excuse – our hero doesn’t have to blame anyone for his life, feels satisfied, and maybe after some years try with money, he/she earned from work, to create something that belongs to him/her. Or maybe, he/she leave the job and start travelling around the world. Or do something else. I think our third example is the clearest in mind from all three – he/she does exactly what he/she WANTS.

You’re going to tell me about how difficult is to change career, to leave a marriage, to change your everyday routine, to study when you are old enough and have children, and so many other things. I agree with all these 100%, and maybe I might tell you more and more difficulties as well. But that doesn’t answer the question I have in the title: “What about what do I WANT?”.

Time is flying and every human being deserves to live. Not feel that it exists, but LIVE. These are two completely different meanings. And every night when all of us go to sleep, we have some time with ourselves to think about us. ONLY. Not others. We have some time to listen carefully our thoughts, our needs, our wants. There is no space for “have to”, we ought to us at least some small changes in things we feel we can’t stand no more, and instead of HAVE, use WANT. If we try to get rid of something very small, it would be the start. And then others will follow. And the question “What about what do I WANT?” will finally go out from our mouth, say it loud to the people, and they will hear it. They’ll know that we changed, but that’s ok. If they love us, all together we’ll find a way for being satisfied as a whole, if they don’t, we’ll have to show them there is no place for us to “have” anymore.