No. 130 Melancholy in D: A Breakdown

If I have not mentioned it here before, which I am sure I have not, I have always dabbled a bit in writing music—or something like music. I mean, you have the usual fare. Instruments, lyrics, vocals, that sort of thing.

At the end of the day I will simply say that what I do is my thing. Because I don't perform professionally, for me it is simply a fun hobby that I make a little bit of money from and enjoy sharing. Perhaps I will admit there is a bit of fun in imagining I have somehow hit the big time since I can find my music in places where people can find the big guy's stuff. Amazon Music, Apple Music, iTunes, Spotify, YouTube...

All the usual places. You just won't hear any of it on the radio of course. And maybe that's a good thing.

Nonetheless, from time to time I am asked about where a song came from, or what lead me to compose it the way I did, or what the lyrics mean. At the end of the day I ultimately do not always have an answer.

While music does come from feeling and experiences, often times metaphorical in nature, for me sometimes they are just songs or lyrics that just came to mind that I like enough to play around with a bit.

I am a horror writer, and so most of my songs would be classified as melodically and lyrically foreboding and melancholy. No. 130 Melancholy in D would be one certainly like that. And the song probably comes mostly from the horror writer in me, not that the lyrics are particularly in that genre.

Essentially the song is about a guy who likes his life, but feels stuck somehow in it. Perhaps not having reached his full potential, or feeling like somewhere along the line he may have missed something.

If you think about it, melodically the first part of the song, or the intro if you will, follows a heartbeat of sorts. The bing, bing, bing into the lead-in sort of suggests how the man got to where he is about to be, and the sad story he is about to tell.

I am not sure if I think about these things necessarily when I sit down to write a song. But when the song hits right, things just sort of come, and perhaps the reason it comes is because the feeling, or the thought was there in the first place when the first note was struck.

I'm flying high, feel that I can touch the sky.

The man is clearly boozed up or high on something. He is lying in a state of mind that takes him to another level. Another place. Another perspective. Another state of being.

He is in a place of escape, really, isn't he? His altered state allows him to see the world in a different light. It allows him to see his situation in a different way. He is contemplating the next step. The next leap into what he wants. Or the end to his misery.

Lie awake, oh am I dead, I lie in fear I'm drenched in sweat.

He does not know what awaits him on the other side, but he feels like, in that moment, that the place he may go to will be better than where he is now. Or where he was before. Or all of the pain he endured getting to where he is now. But he's not sure. What lies ahead scares him as much, perhaps, as continuing with his life does.

Just one more taste of this nectar I confess, give me strength, to delay this little trip I fear I'll make.

He is questioning his next move. He is questioning the outcome. He's giving himself just a little more time to decide what to do next. He is asking himself if the ultimate trip he will make is the answer. He is wondering if it will provide the ultimate escape. He clearly fears what he might do, but he is still unsure.

One more drink, one more toke. A little more nectar to either provide him the courage to make the trip or see the other side of things. Darkness or light. Hope or the end.

After that lyric there is nothing. No words. Just a driving, melancholy and foreboding guitar bit that is low and driving. It suggests a decision of sorts. No words are needed to convey this part.

It is the battle on display. The mind running in circles. The body doing things that maybe the mind would rather not actually do. It is consciousness and subconsciousness working to complete something.

This part is meant to be foreboding and deep. It is meant to be dark and scary. It is meant to be a conclusion of sorts to an idea.

Just as that part breaks, we go back into the original intro. It conveys a sense of decision. It conveys a sense of being at ease and at peace with it. It is the calm before the storm. At this point, the character in our song is fully at ease with what he has decided and what he is about to do. He is at peace that the decision he is making is the right one.

The window breaks, feel the cold breeze touch my face. I'm in pain, not insane. Touch the pane and my heart breaks.

He's all in. But the breeze from the broken window opens a whole new meaning for him. It's freedom outside. He hurts. His life, and his perception of it has been painful. But he's not crazy. He's just sure that the decision he is making is the best one for him. For his life. For his destiny.

When he touches the pane of the window, he has braced himself. The trip he feared he'd make is becoming more real. More true. It is going to happen. He is committed. He's not going to stop now.

As he readies himself his heart breaks, because no matter where he is in life now, and no matter what brought him to this conclusion, he knows there will be sadness. He knows that regardless of what he ultimately has decided, that he will have let people down in his life that matter. And that he mattered to someone. He may have found his own life, in his own mind, to be meaningless. But not everyone will agree with him when they get the news.

The next part again has no words. The melodic notes tell a tale of having made the jump. He's done it. He's leapt from the window. He has made the ultimate decision. The part here seems to suggest floating, or the falling. The peace and serenity. The acceptance of the idea. The fruition. The final call from which now there is no turning back.

He's left the window. He's in the air. He's free. It's done. There is both sadness and happiness in the sound of the melody and music. Again, floating, flying, falling, but not yet there. Not yet to the end.

Freedom and sadness. And elation. Foreboding and escape. Tragedy with purpose.

And then back into the hard driving guitars. It's the end of the fall. The hit. The meeting with the pavement and the sealing of the deal. The finalization of the idea. The impact. And all of the things that go along with that. The consequence and the sadness.

And then? Peace.

Lyrically there is not much to the song. In this one, the story was really told by the music that accompanied them.

Lead image by Porwest. Pink Flamingoes Album Cover. https://open.spotify.com/album/76Hyg7H74Qzi0PVvaiS2Ns?si=zdWamAn1RiinVJcK9in1Ow