How I Became An Exterminator

I suppose that I have had many experiences in my working life. I am not going to say I have done it all, because obviously there are quite a lot of things I have not done, and will likely never do.

But I have had my share of jobs, from before I was in the United States Navy during high school, working as a dishwasher, a fast food worker, a summer time school janitor, cutting lawns, and as a courtesy clerk at a grocery store, to after.

That last one was the worst, perhaps. I would constantly hear my name over the intercom. "Jim, carts. Jim, cleanup aisle 4. Jim, customer assistance aisle 16." There were days when I wanted to mangle that thing, or just strangle myself. I felt like a ball in a pinball machine.

After the Navy I spent most of my working days in manufacturing. I worked in a bindery and printing company in Wisconsin called Quad Graphics. I worked for Kraft Foods in the pizza division making Tombstone, Digiorno, and Jack's Pizza. I worked for Coca-Cola Enterprises, and did some short stints at a corrugated box manufacturer, Smurfit-Stone, and Nestlé.

No explanation necessary on the latter, although I worked at the chocolate plant in Burlington, Wisconsin.

Which brings me to how I became an exterminator.

Well, finally you tool!

Not so fast. I am not there yet.

I had been working at Coca-Cola Enterprises for 6 1/2 years. My job? Although I did not start out as that, I was what they call a production lead man. In other words, a supervisor. The only difference between a lead man and a supervisor is that the pay is better.

A supervisor is paid a straight salary. I was paid by the hour. While they wanted me to become a full-fledged supervisor many times, I simply did not want to lose $12,000 a year to do it.

So I declined it every single time, much to their chagrin.

At some point, even though I mostly liked the job, I reached a point where I felt like I was at odds with the upper management, and it simply began to make the job tiresome, less interesting, and less desirable.

So, I made the decision to move on.

The box plant

I applied for a few jobs with other companies. It was a bit hit and miss. I wanted to get in over at Miller Brewing, but it was one of those kinds of deals where you really had to know someone, or start way at the bottom to get anywhere.

I did not want to exactly start completely from scratch considering my experience. So, that never panned out.

But, I did get a call from one company on the other side of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Smurfit-Stone Packaging Company. They wanted me to come in for an interview, and so I decided to go and take a look and see what they had to offer, if anything.

I sat down with the plant manager. Mike was his name. He asked me several questions, reviewed my résumé and asked me a few questions about that. He asked me why I was wanting to leave Coca-Cola.

I answered all of his questions, apparently to his satisfaction. Then he asked me a final question.

"Do you have any questions for me?" he asked.

"How solid is your company?" was my question. At first he seemed a bit taken aback by it. But I think he soon realized based on our previous conversation in the interview that I was walking away from something pretty solid. I had seniority, a good position, good pay, prospects for advancement, a built up 401k and pension, 4 weeks of vacation, and the list goes on.

"Well," he told me. "Consider this, if you will. Everything that is in the store, that gets trucked all around the country, and eventually winds up in your home comes in a box. And we make boxes."

It was a brilliant answer and I was sold. He was too, he offered me a job and I accepted it. Right there on the spot. I was slated to start work in two weeks from the interview date.

I told Coca-Cola to pound sand and set off on my new adventure with Smurfit-Stone two weeks later as scheduled.

Writing on the wall

I was two months into my job at Smurfit-Stone when we were all called in for a meeting. We were informed that the company was interested in reducing costs, and one of the ways it had decided to do that was to eliminate the envelopes that our pay stubs were handed out in.

I have to admit this seemed interesting to me. Could the envelopes cost that much? This is what they have decided to cut?

Whatever, I thought. We all left the meeting, when back to our production lines and resumed activity as normal.

The following month we were informed that Smurfit-Stone had filed for bankruptcy, but that business would resume as normal until further notice. Okay. Fine. It is what it is. I wasn't out of a job yet.

That came two months later, 5-months into the job, that I was informed that I was being laid off.

Super, I thought, and thought back to that brilliant answer that Mike gave me to that question I asked about how solid the company was.

Everything that is in the store, that gets trucked all around the country, and eventually winds up in your home comes in a box. And we make boxes.

Not one to just sit back and relax

I had money in the bank. Money has never been an issue for me. I could easily have made the decision to just apply for an unemployment check, and sit it out until maybe one day Smurfit-Stone might recall me. I could supplement the smaller unemployment check with some savings.

But that is not how I operate, although I have occasionally taken some time off between jobs. Usually not more than 6-months.

I got back online the very next day and looked for something to do, and did apply for a few jobs. One of them was Nestlé, and I thought this would probably be something like Miller Brewing. There was no way I was getting in that place. But what did I have to lose?

They called me three days later and asked me to come in for an interview, and just like with Smurfit-Stone, they hired me right there. On the spot. I would start at the beginning of the following week.

Long story short because I realize this is getting long

But hopefully I have your interest held onto so tightly you simply cannot stop reading.

I am smiling here. But I always try to avoid inserting emojis or "lol" into an article style post.

Nestlé had a 3-month long probationary period. And it was a very strict one. You could not miss any days, request any time off for any reason, could not be late, and of course you had to end your probationary period having proved yourself and make the cut.

No worries. This was not my first rodeo. I know I am good at what I do. I have lots of experience. This would be a cake walk and the benefits and pay that Nestlé offered was way too good to pass up or screw up.

But the plant was almost an hour from my house, and we had three vehicles at the time. My Ford Sport-Trac ate up a lot of gas, and so I drove the Plymouth Breeze to work each day, thinking if I was going to make the cut and keep the job, eventually the wife and I would sell the house or rent it out and move closer to the plant.

That turned out to be death-knell for me as one day on the way to the plant my tie-rod went kaput and I found myself dead on the side of the road. This was about 2-months and 2-weeks from the end of my 3-month long probationary period.

I was an hour and a half late getting to work. But I did call them immediately and told them that I was broke down, that I was trying to secure a ride in, but I would be there.

I worked another full week, one week away from passing my probationary period, and had not heard a word about the incident. So, I thought, maybe because I called and did the right thing, and because of the circumstance beyond my control, they were going to be understanding and let me continue my job there.

Nope.

I got called into the office and they told me that because I was late, despite my performance, they could not overlook their probation policy and had to let me go. But I was welcome to reapply and they would most likely hire me right back and let me start all over.

Screw that, I said. If this is the kind of work environment where one is unable to make an exception to the rule according to the circumstances, this is not a place I want to work for no matter how good the pay and benefits might be.

I was finished

I forgot to mention that one month prior to my firing at Nestlé, Smurfit-Stone did, in fact, recall me. They had a position open and asked if I wanted to come back. I turned it down because the Nestlé job offered $6 an hour more and had better benefits.

I probably could have called Smurfit-Stone back and asked, "Hey, that spot still open for me?"

I decided to take a little time off. Screw it. It's my time now, I said. So, I filed for unemployment and got it, and went to work for my wife's cousin in his handyman business, working for cash under the table so it would not affect my unemployment benefits.

Underhanded a bit. But hey. Why not?

The way unemployment benefits work and the end of the story

When you collect unemployment benefits you are required to submit a form each week showing that you are actively seeking work. It's a good idea. You don't want someone just sitting back collecting free money and not at least trying to get a new job.

But I wanted the time off, the free money, and the ability to work under the table for a little while.

So, admittedly, I gamed the system a bit. I applied for jobs that I had no business whatsoever applying to. Things I was not even remotely qualified to do. And for a year it worked. No one would so much as call me in for an interview. And why would they?

One day, thumbing through prospects to submit my résumé to and jot them down on my form to submit to the unemployment office, I came one in particular.

Integrated pest management control technician.

Bingo! It's just a fancy title for an exterminator. But I can't do that. Wouldn't be able to tell you the difference between a carpenter ant and a piss ant. Let's apply!

All giggling aside, they called me a week later for an interview, and hired me on the spot. I got my license and my credentials, which they paid for, and I was an exterminator for the next 4 1/2 years.

Who knew?

Lead image courtesy of Pixabay, user Skitterphoto. Mouse Trap Cheese Device - Free photo on Pixabay