Why Comparing Ourselves To Others Isn't Helpful

The problem with comparing ourselves to others is, that we tend to become overly critical and see the world through their eyes. We may not realize it, but this is exactly what we are doing, when we compare ourselves to others.

We begin to judge them by how they look, act, think, feel and everything else about them. This is a dangerous cycle, because it makes us less empathetic towards others. It also prevents us from recognizing our own progress and possibly causes us to feel worse about ourselves.

For example, let's say you are struggling with some emotional pain, that you keep to yourself. Your friend says to you: "I am suffering so much more, than you." This is a cliché and not exactly helpful. It is possible to suffer more, than another person yet still have it be OK.

Sometimes, we compare ourselves to others in order to feel better about our own situations. If we compare ourselves favorably to others, we might feel more positive and successful. If we do not, we may feel even worse than before.

Sometimes people do really have it worse off in life than us. This is different, than people having more pain and struggles, than us. It is different from people suffering in greater ways, than us. It is different from them having more to deal with, than us.

It is OK to have things in life, that are harder than others. What is not OK is to make that be the primary thing, that makes you feel worse about yourself. This is harmful, because it prevents you from ever feeling OK about yourself.

Different People Have Different Experiences

The other problem is the assumption, that everyone has the same experiences. Even if something is a fact, it doesn't mean everyone will feel or react to it in the exact same way. For example, someone might have a terrible job that they hate. This person still might feel OK about themselves, because of all of the other things they have going for them. Someone else might have the same job and experience severe anxiety every morning at work. This person might feel worse about everything else in their life when they think about their job.

Again, everyone has different experiences and everyone will feel them in different ways. Anything that causes us to reflect on our own experiences is a good thing. However, we should try to look at things objectively. There are some things, that make us all the same and there are some things, that make us different. We should try to accept the good and the bad things about ourselves as they come and appreciate all of them.

Comparison Often Leads To Minimization Of Ourselves

The third problem with comparison is that it often leads to minimizing our own situations. Many problems seem bigger, than they really are, because we are comparing them to things they aren't compared to. This is how the human mind works, it wants to make things simple. The human brain cannot comprehend everything, so it creates a simplified version of everything for us to make it easier to understand.

If we constantly compare ourselves to other people no matter what, this is what we will get. We will always be able to find other people, that seem better than us in some way. This will cause us to feel like we are lacking and never good enough. It is OK to feel good about ourselves, because of our own accomplishments.

A common example of this is when people constantly compare themselves to famous people or the very rich. They say things to themselves like, "If I had money..." or "I should be living like....." While it is true that these people have more money and live better lives, than the majority of people, it is not a good comparison. They don't have more talent, intelligence, beauty, or anything else than others. It is simply a difference in what they have.

This mindset leads to a very bad logical conclusion which is, "So what if I don't have as much money or a better job or whatever it is that others have? I'm still better off than....." This is also known as the "blaming the victim" mentality. It isn't that person's fault that they are living the life they are, it's yours. You chose to live the way you are and you are to blame for your situation.

You will never be able to feel good about yourself if you continue to blame everyone else for your problems. This is a logical conclusion, that isn't worth spending your time thinking. It also isn't true anyway, the person may have more money than you now, but what happens when they lose it all in a bad investment? They may be living on the street and you would still be fine.

We should all be focusing on improving ourselves in everyway possible. Whether that is our job, our relationships with others, or anything else.

Comparison Keeps You From Facing Your Feelings

Noticing the flaws in others puts us in a better mood and helps us to not feel so bad about our own flaws. It also stops us from putting other people down and stops us from being jealous of others. When we start to do this with ourselves, it's easy to become happier and happier.

However, it is possible to go too far with this. It's possible to start to notice our good points so much, that we start to ignore our problems. Eventually, you literally can't feel anything anymore. You are numb. You have no feelings. You may or may not still exist, in which case you're a "soulless" being. I hope this isn't the case for you, but if it is then I'm not going to judge you for it. It's a Trap! Don't Fall For It!

You are currently dwelling on the fact, that you aren't as good as other people, when in actuality, you're in a much better position, than they are. You have wonderful friends, who are like family to you. You have a home. You have a car. You have food. If you died, who would really miss you? No one.

Everyone you meet is either better off without you, or not important enough for you to matter. What has happened in your life and who you have been is not your fault. You were a victim of bad luck, terrible choices and bad judgment. This is all in your head, a product of your own warped sense of logic. Nobody else is at fault for anything that has happened to you.

Differences: What Matters?

When we're younger, different things helps us to learn and grow from other people's accomplishments. However, as we get older and especially past a certain age, it's only going to hold us back.

It's important to realize, that everyone started at the same time. There have been people, who have accomplished amazing and world changing things, when it comes to science, medicine and other fields. Some of them were probably born with many advantages that you weren't.

At the same time, there are people, who were born into difficult situations such as poverty, and they still managed to succeed against all odds. Every single one of us is different in important ways such as race, gender, class, abilities, etc. These things matter, but they aren't the only things that matter.

If you start focusing on the small differences, then it's very easy to feel inferiorized by someone else, who has an advantage. They might be richer, or smarter, or more muscular. The list goes on.

While these things are important, we need to remember, that it's how you deal with those differences, that will determine your future. If you put someone else's success over your own, because they had help that you lacked, then you aren't going to be happy with your life.

Focus On What You Can Control

Life is unpredictable and things are going to come up, that you won't be able to control. The best thing you can do is to make the best of everything that happens. If you focus on what you can't control, it's going to overwhelm and frustrate you. It's best to just take things as they come, and live one day at a time.

Knowing this, it's easy to make the excuse, that you can't do anything about a situation or someone else's behavior. If this is the case for you, then I want you to stop beating yourself up about it. Instead, just change your focus. Look at the situation from a different angle.

Don't dwell on things you can't change, and you're less likely to end up in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction with your life. You can't control the actions of other people. All you can do is your best to put yourself in the best position to succeed at whatever you choose to do with your life.

You have to make the best choices you can with the information you have now. If you don't like something, then you have to change it. Don't waste your time beating yourself up over things beyond your control.

If something good happens in your life, it's very easy to get caught up in the moment and feel like you have everything you want. Sometimes though, it's best to just take a step back and notice all the little things, that are going right.

Never take anything for granted, because you never know when something bad is going to unexpectedly push you back or destroy everything you have worked so hard for. If you take the time to appreciate the lighter side of life, it can make the hard times easier to endure.