Assertiveness has benefits in the sense, that you are more likely to be seen and acknowledged more often. It is important to identify your boss and be different types of assertive. Be proactive, have needs and be secure.
You will need to find a way to make yourself stand out from the crowd. You can do this by being outgoing and friendly with others, but also having an edge over them. This could mean making jokes or playing up to get attention. The best thing about this approach is that it allows you to maintain a certain level of control while still maintaining your own identity.
The problem with this approach is that it doesn't really work on everyone. If you don't know how to handle people, then you may not succeed at all. Also, people will see through the act and if you don't actually have any 'real' personality, then they may think you are lying or just a doormat.
What Is Assertiveness?
It is important to understand what assertiveness is NOT.
It's Not being Aggressive/Pushy - This is actually a fear of some people and they will react in a defensive manner.
It's Not Being Powerful - This is also a fear of some and for others it is too much.
It's Not About Dominating Others - This is also a mistaken idea of assertiveness.
People use the word confidence to mean "being pushy." This couldn't be further from the truth. Confidence comes from within, it isn't thrust upon you by someone else. It isn't a swagger, that some try to mimic to look cool. Confident people don't worry about what others think. They do exactly what they want and don't let others dictate their lives. They aren't aggressive and don't follow the crowd.
Different Types Of Assertiveness
There are three different types of assertiveness. These are social, professional and intimate. Knowing which one you need to use in a given situation will give you a big advantage. Don't worry if this seems confusing, just learn the terms and you won't have a problem.
Social assertiveness is used in social situations. It can be anything from speaking in a group to initiating or declining a date.
Professional assertiveness is used at work. It can range from saying what you really think to having a one on one meeting.
Intimate assertiveness is something you should use with those you are involved with. It can range from how passionately you show affection to controlling your physical environment.
These types of assertiveness can be learned through practice. Start with professional assertiveness, since it is the most important of all three. Try to take charge in situations where you are the leader. This can range from giving a speech in front of people to being the lead instructor. When you do this, you will build up your confidence and become more skilled at it. With practice, assertiveness will become natural.
Benefits Of Being Assertive
There are many benefits to being more assertive. It can increase your productivity, give you better relationships and improve all areas of your life.
More Productive: By taking charge of your life, your more likely to be more productive. This is because you no longer are wasting time on tasks, that don't interest you.
Better Friendships: After working on yourself, you will be better equipped to have deeper and more meaningful conversations. You will also be more approachable which is always a plus.
Better Alliances: By making friends with others, you will have better alliances and trading relationships. In a survival situation, having good alliances will give you the edge you need to succeed.
More Confidence: You will naturally have more confidence and believe in yourself. This will naturally increase your attractiveness and help you in other ways as well.
Better Health: By taking better care of your body and by expressing yourself, you will avoid many health issues in the future.
More Pleasure: In addition to the benefits listed above, you will also experience more positive things in your life.
How To Communicate Assertively
Assertiveness is the key to being successful with people. The most basic and even the most difficult form of communication is eye contact. When making eye contact with someone, make sure to do it in a way, that shows confidence. Don't just look at them, stare at them with intense meaning. This may seem odd, but people tend to find it non- threatening. Be sure to do this, when initiating conversations or being social. You will be surprised at how much this can help you.
When speaking, you should speak slowly, but try to not slow down for the sake of it. Pause after each sentence to give your words emphasis. It is also a good idea to smile when speaking to someone. This can go a long way. Not only does it show friendliness, but it can also help you with making eye contact. Smiling while speaking also helps your voice carry more naturally. Eye contact and smiling are very important during conversations.
Remember, you are trying to make a good first impression, so be sure to take the time to do this. Being able to speak comfortably and naturally will give you an edge over other people.
Why Assertive People Have A Better Time With People
There are a few reasons for this. Being more assertive, allows you to be in charge of your life. This is very attractive to people. By being more assertive, you are also able to have deeper conversations with people. This naturally draws people in, because they enjoy these types of conversations as well.
Being more assertive, will naturally attract people to you. Once things go right, people are going to want to hear all about your good fortune. They will want to be in your circle of friends. This naturally makes you more popular, which in turn makes other things easier.
The next part of being more assertive is about how you approach things. First of all, you don't approach things in a half hearted manner. You actually do things the right way. This means you don't take shortcuts or try to fool or deceive people. This leads to the next part, honesty. Honesty is always the best policy.
There is no point in lying since lies lead to unnecessary complications. Everybody (or most people) prefer simplicity over complexity. Last but not least, don't be afraid to take risks. Sometimes risk taking is the key to success. All of these things make you more attractive and naturally make things easier with people.
How To Work On Assertiveness
The most direct way to become more assertive is to practice. The best way to do this is to start being more social. When initiating conversations, being friendly and smiling will help you greatly. There is nothing wrong with practicing before you are truly called upon to be assertive, but try to be social when you can.
Practice your eye contact and smiling. Try to smile when you are alone. This can be hard at first, but you will get better with time. It also helps if you know, that someone will be there to capture your failures.
Try to give a compliment every day. Compliments don't have to be big. Even something as simple as "you have nice eyes" can make someone feel good. The key is to keep giving them compliments.
Try to be professional at all times. This doesn't just mean being dressed properly, it also means not referring to other people as friends. This can be a hard one, but if you and someone are having a conversation and dropping the 'l' every other word, then you need to stop. People need to be held to the same standard whether they are doing their job or not.
Remember, be yourself, but do it assertively.
Why do I feel tht I also need this? Haha! It would be so hard because the tips you gave are not most that I always do. Though I always compliment others, but I am not someone who can maintain eye contact, etc. I am socially awkward at times. Hahaha!